10 Reasons You Find Your Relationship So Exhausting

Relationships involve work, but not THAT much work.

A man in a white shirt sits in the foreground with a distressed expression, holding his head with one hand. In the background, a woman in a light green shirt sits turned away, gazing into the distance. Both appear to be in a tense or thoughtful mood.

Whilst even the best of relationships can be hard work at times, they shouldn’t be constantly wearing you down.

If you’re feeling permanently exhausted by your relationship (or your partner) you need to find out why to work out what to do about it. Here are 10 common reasons.

1. The relationship isn’t healthy.

A woman with curly hair and a pensive expression rests her head on her hand, looking into the distance. In the blurred background, a man sits with his arms crossed, facing away. The scene suggests a moment of contemplation or emotional tension.

Simply put, maybe your relationship isn’t healthy anymore, or it never was to begin with.

Are there other problems in your relationship besides it being emotionally draining? If there are and you can’t seem to find a way to fix them, maybe you could just accept that you’re not a good match.

There are ways to improve an unhealthy relationship, but if things have always been this way and you don’t feel the connection with your partner, maybe you’re simply not right for each other.

Different people affect us differently, and we are different depending on who we are with. Maybe your partner wouldn’t be exhausting if they were with someone else, or you wouldn’t feel that way around someone else.

Unfortunately, sometimes that’s the only explanation.

2. There is a lot of conflict.

A man and woman sit closely on a couch in a conversation. The man, wearing a gray long-sleeve shirt and jeans, gently touches the woman's arm. The woman, dressed in a yellow shirt and jeans, listens intently, her hand under her chin. The room is well-lit and cozy.

Do you frequently argue about every little thing? It’s only natural that you lack energy if you waste so much of it on unnecessary fights.

Have these fights started recently, or have you had trouble finding common ground ever since you started dating? Again, sometimes you just have to accept that you’re not a good match.

Then again, if you want to work on this relationship, there is always a chance that things will get better. But you will have to communicate with your partner without it turning into a fight.

Can you do that?

3. You are forced to put too much effort into the relationship just to sustain it.

A couple sits closely at a café table, lovingly touching foreheads. Both hold coffee cups, and the table is set with water glasses, a carafe, and a small vase with flowers. The background features modern, colorful abstract art on the wall.

Relationships take work to stay healthy, but when it takes a lot of work just to keep it going, there’s something seriously wrong with it.

If sustaining your relationship takes a huge amount of your energy, consider whether the two of you are forcing something that’s just not meant to be.

Maybe your partner is asking a lot from you. Perhaps you do all the work in terms of arranging dates and making time for one another. Maybe you have to make a huge effort just to keep them interested in dating you.

Whatever the case may be, you have to expend a lot of energy to keep the two of you together.

4. You have to give all your attention to your partner.

A couple sits at a cafe table with two slices of cake and coffee cups. They hold hands and look into each other's eyes affectionately. The cafe has a minimalist decor with wooden shelves and potted plants in the background.

What if your partner requires all of your attention at all times? They need you to be around them as often as possible and focus all your attention on them, whether you are alone together or with others.

They constantly text and call when you’re not together. They crave constant validation. You could feel like your relationship is draining if your partner is too needy and clingy.

Your attention, validation, affection – these are all forms of energy transfer from you to them. The more they demand from you, the more exhausted you’re going to feel.

5. Your relationship is stressful.

A woman with shoulder-length hair in a yellow sweater is yelling at a man with short hair in a blue shirt, who appears frustrated and is holding his hand to his head. They are standing in a bright room with white walls and large windows.

Stress drains our energy, whatever its source. When it’s your relationship, you have to ask yourself whether things have to be this difficult.

Yes, relationships are hard sometimes. That’s only natural when two people come together to share their lives with one another. But they shouldn’t be so hard that you can’t cope with it emotionally.

So, why is your relationship making you want to hide from it to rediscover your peace of mind?

Even the happiest relationships can be stressful at times, but if yours has been an emotional rollercoaster from the day you’ve met, you might not be right for each other.

If you’ve just hit a rough patch, seek the help of a relationship counselor to push through this and come out of it stronger.

6. You don’t focus on yourself as much as you should.

A woman with a thoughtful expression rests her chin on her hands, while a man sitting next to her leans his head on her shoulder and places his hand on her upper arm. They appear to be in a comforting and supportive moment.

Your partner requires so much of your time and energy that you have none left for the things you enjoy doing.

Maybe you’ve neglected your friends and family, work responsibilities, and hobbies because of your relationship.

Your relationship should be the best part of your life, but it shouldn’t suck you in so much that you have no life other than the relationship.

Whether your needs are being met in the relationship or not, you have things you need to do for yourself, and your partner can’t be the only part of your life that you focus on.

7. Your partner is too negative.

An older woman with short white hair and a blue striped shirt stands with her arms crossed, looking upset. In the background, an older man with gray hair and a plaid shirt gestures animatedly, appearing to speak earnestly or argue. They are in a kitchen.

You can understand when someone can’t see the silver lining because they’re too deep in their issues, but your partner always seems to have problems.

They see the bad in everything and constantly complain. Maybe their vibe is so negative that you feel bad about yourself after spending time with them.

Instead of brightening up your days, they put you in a bad mood whenever you see them.

Sometimes, people get this way when they are struggling with difficulties, but if your partner always seems to be like this, you have to consider whether you can accept this about them or if it’s time to leave.

If they aren’t happy with you and you can’t make them happy, how long are you going to wait for them to start seeing the positive things in life?

8. Your expectations are too high.

A smiling couple, a man in a blue polo shirt and glasses, and a woman in a denim dress, are sitting closely together on a beige couch. The woman is resting her hands on the man's shoulder, and they both look relaxed and happy in a bright, sunlit room.

Maybe things aren’t that bad between you, but you aren’t happy with the way things are, and it’s eating you up inside.

You expect your partner and your relationship to be perfect, and once you realized they’re not, it started to feel emotionally draining.

You hone in on every little thing they do wrong. You focus on all the annoyances and frustrations instead of their good points. You wish they could just be and act the way you’d like.

To always see the negatives can only tire you out mentally and emotionally.

9. You can’t say no.

A woman with long dark hair embraces a man wearing a pink shirt while they sit on a couch. The woman has a serene expression with her eyes closed, resting her head on the man's shoulder, creating an intimate and comforting moment.

If you always agree with your partner, even when it’s not what you want, you are bound to resent them at some point.

Maybe you just want to prevent arguments, but agreeing to everything they say isn’t the right way to go about it. And it’s normal that you feel exhausted for trying to always agree with them.

Whilst it is normal and healthy to compromise with each other, if you sacrifice your wants and wishes each and every time, you will experience ill-feelings toward your partner. And these feelings will drain the energy from you.

10. Your partner is too dependent on you.

A couple embraces on a beach with waves in the background. The person on the right, wearing a green jacket, holds the other person, who is in a black leather jacket and hoodie, from behind. They both look calm and content on the sandy shore.

If your partner pins all their hopes on you, you feel obligated to live up to their expectations. But doing so is utterly exhausting.

Your partner is too dependent on you for their happiness, and you don’t want to disappoint them, but being their support system has become too difficult.

The weight of responsibility that they have placed upon you is dragging you down and making it hard to be your true self. You fear risking an emotional meltdown in your partner if you even consider putting yourself first at any point.