Bad things happen.
But when they happen to you, it’s natural to ask why.
And when more than one occurs within a short space of time, it can feel like the whole world is against you.
You wonder what you did to deserve this. After all, you’re a good person.
You’re left reeling at the unfortunate series of events that has befallen you.
Let’s dig a little deeper and see if we can’t find an answer to your “why?”
Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you deal with the bad things that have been happening to you. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.
4 Reasons Why Bad Things Keep Happening To You
1. It’s a numbers game.
If you’ve had a run of bad luck, you might just be the inevitable consequence of mathematics.
Let me explain…
Imagine you have a coin with heads (H) and tails (T) on either side. And let’s say that heads represents a good thing while tails represents a bad thing.
If you toss that coin 3 times, the possibilities look like this:
HHH
HHT
HTH
THH
HTT
THT
TTH
TTT
In this rather grim reality, you experience a bad thing in seven out of the eight possible series of coin tosses, and more than one bad thing half of the time.
Now, life is more like a many-sided dice. Each face represents something that might happen and these things can be good, neutral, or bad.
The most numerous are probably the neutral events, followed by the good events, and finally the bad events number the fewest.
One person rolling the dice would be very unlucky to land on several bad things in a row.
But the world is full of billions of people. With so many people rolling so many dice, there will be people who roll bad thing after bad thing for a while.
That’s just how chance (or luck) works.
So, here’s the first explanation of why bad things keep happening to you: you’ve been unlucky.
Does this make the bad things any easier to accept or deal with? No.
But it can at least help you to stop thinking that the world must be against you. The world really has no agenda.
2. You’re contributing to the bad things.
We do have some influence over some of the things that happen in our lives.
While you may sometimes be totally out of luck, other times you may have a hand in the bad thing that happened to you.
For example:
- You miss the flight to your friend’s wedding because you didn’t factor in much wiggle room in case of delays to your journey to the airport.
- You are struck down with a virus because you didn’t practice good hygiene after visiting your sick friend in the hospital.
You’re not wholly to blame for these things, but your actions played a role in the outcomes.
So, this is the second reason why bad things keep happening to you: you’ve been careless.
The actions you took (or didn’t take) might have seemed small at the time, but they could have been pivotal in how events turned out.
3. You are making the same mistakes again and again.
To put it another way, you are not learning the lessons of past mistakes.
Each time some unwanted event takes place, there might be lessons you can learn from it.
Each time you learn and act upon the lessons of an unwelcome event, you change the dice of life and reduce the chances of it landing on that same bad thing for a second time.
Failure to learn the lessons means you might find life repeating itself.
So, here’s the third reason why bad things keep happening to you: you aren’t learning your lesson.
Ask yourself whether the bad things that have recently happened to you have happened before.
If they have, ask whether there was anything you could have done to prevent it this time around.
4. You are ignoring the good things that happen.
Sometimes we perceive a series of bad things as being unbroken—just one bad thing after another.
But are you seeing things wrong? Are you ignoring the good things that have happened in between the bad?
In psychology, this is known as filtering.
Filtering is the process by which a person focuses their attention on either the positive or negative aspects of a situation.
In our case, the situation is life in general and we are focusing our attention on all the negative things that take place.
Just as bad things happen in life, good things happen too.
But if you do not recognize them and keep them in mind, you may be fooled into thinking that only bad things are happening to you.
Thus, the fourth and final reason why bad things keep happening to you is: they aren’t, you just overlook the good.
How To Cope When Bad Things Happen To You
When you are faced with negative circumstances, whether through fate or fault, what can you do to get through them?
It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you to process and get through the more difficult times.
1. Accept that what has happened has happened.
A common reaction to an unwelcome event or circumstance is outrage and denial.
You may literally seethe with anger that this could happen to you.
“What did I do to deserve this?”
“I can’t believe this has happened to me!”
Your mind goes into overdrive as you try to figure out what exactly has happened, how it happened, and who is to blame.
Instead, try to accept that it has happened and just sit with that thought for a minute or two.
Yes, you will want to find any lessons that might exist, but that doesn’t have to happen straight away.
For now, just accept that you cannot change what has already happened. Your power lies in what you do next.
2. Ask what you can do to remedy the situation.
Your actions are your most powerful tool in getting through difficult situations.
You can’t think your way out of a hole.
If there are some practical steps that you need to take to move closer to resolving this unwelcome period of your life, take them.
Set the ball rolling on the things that will return your life to normal and your mind to peace.
3. Ask for help.
At times of crisis, it’s okay—even sensible—to lean on your loved ones.
Just as you would go out of your way to help a friend or family member who was in trouble, there are people out there who would do the same for you.
You are not being a burden to anyone by asking for help.
Even if all you ask of someone is to listen to you pouring out your frustrations, sadness, anger, or other emotions, it can help you deal with whatever has transpired.
4. Don’t play the victim.
You are not alone in bad things happening to you.
The dice of life are always being rolled and many people are facing similar or worse situations to you right now.
Whilst this thought may not bring you much comfort, it can provide a different perspective on the thing that has befallen you.
By doing so, you might no longer see yourself as uniquely unfortunate.
This shift in thinking can also help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll know that bad things can’t keep happening forever and that a more favorable period is on the horizon.
5. Know that you’ll get through this.
Your record for getting through the tough times in life so far is 100%.
This should comfort you to know that you will get through this too.
You are stronger and more resilient that you give yourself credit for and you will come out the other side.
Whether it takes a week, a month, or many years, you will get through this difficult time.
6. Look for the good amongst the bad.
Not all bad things have good in them. Some things are just plain awful, and these should be recognized as such.
But many things that appear and feel bad on the surface have glimmers of good within them.
Losing a job, for example, can be extremely stressful. Yet, you might find new employment at a better company for higher pay and with a shorter commute.
Wherever possible, look for the silver lining in what is an otherwise unpleasant event. That silver lining may not be evident straight away.
7. Make the bad thing a turning point in your life.
Often, we see bad things as anchors that can hold us back. We get lost in self-pity and forget about the power we have to change our situation.
Instead, when something bad happens to you, use it and the insights you have gained from it to drive your life forward in a positive direction.
Bad things can teach us a lot about the type of life we want to lead. They can blow away the clouds that prevent us from seeing things with clarity.
Unforeseen circumstances might reveal that you aren’t living in accordance with your morals or values. This gives you the opportunity to change course.
Bad things might simply wake you up out of the sleepwalking state you have gotten into through years of monotony.
Use these things as the fuel you need to ignite your engines and turn your life around.
Still not sure how to deal with all the negative things that are happening to you?
Talk to a therapist about it.
Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours.
They can help you to cope with whatever is going on in your life while also providing some practical solutions to some of your problems.
BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
You might not think your problems are big enough to warrant professional therapy but please don’t do yourself that disservice.
Nothing is insignificant if it is affecting your mental well-being.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Online therapy is actually a good option for many people. It’s more convenient than in-person therapy and is more affordable in a lot of cases.
And you get access to the same level of qualified and experienced professional.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
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