How do you know if a girl you like is playing you?
It takes a lot of trust to get into a relationship, and you don’t want to put yourself out there if you’re going to be made to look a fool for it and get your heart broken.
You don’t want to be used, taken advantage of, and have your feelings hurt by a girl player. After all, no one likes finding out that the person they are dating is seeing other people too.
No one wants to be played, but you also don’t want to be so suspicious of the girl you’re dating that you end up driving her away.
So how do you know if a girl is playing you? There are signs that will give her away, you just have to know what to look out for.
If you never know where you stand with her, you never know when you’re going to see her, and you realize you don’t know all that much about her, then these are all red flags that should make you think again about getting serious in this relationship.
Keep reading for more signs that a girl is playing you.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you figure out if this girl is playing you. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
1. She cancels your plans at the last minute.
She won’t commit to plans. And when she does, you are never that sure if she’s actually going to turn up.
When she doesn’t just cancel on you once but multiple times and often at the last minute, you know that a girl is playing you.
Not only is it rude and disappointing for you, but it tells you that you aren’t her priority. She doesn’t care about letting you down and will always choose a better offer over spending time with you.
Canceling on a date once or twice and with plenty of notice (unless it’s an emergency) can be forgiven. Things happen and sometimes you have to rearrange plans.
But when you feel as though you get canceled on more times than she actually shows up and there’s no real promise of arranging another date to make up for it, then you know something is wrong.
If she liked you in the way you want her to, then she’d be excited to see you. She would look forward to your date and the chance to spend time with you.
Stop believing her excuses and start spending your time on people who don’t let you down.
2. She never gives you a straight answer.
It’s perfectly reasonable to ask someone what they’ve been up to that week, and if she’s always deflecting the question and not giving you much of an answer, then that’s a big red flag right there.
If she vaguely mentions going out somewhere but won’t say who with or won’t give you any details about what she did, then you can be pretty sure she’s playing you.
Not only is her behavior a conversation-ender, but she clearly doesn’t want you to know about her life. She isn’t interested in sharing her experiences with you and allowing you to get to know her, which means your relationship is going nowhere.
Aside from that, it could be said that she’s not just dating you. Her reluctance to tell you what she’s been doing and who with could be because she’s been with other guys.
If you don’t want to be just another guy in her diary, then take this as a sign and move on.
3. She won’t commit to plans in advance.
Whenever you do see this girl, does she prefer to make plans last minute?
When you try to get her to commit to doing something next week, she tells you she’ll let you know closer to the time. Have you gotten used to her only messaging the same day she’s ready to see you?
You can’t even think about booking a holiday or concert or anything further than a couple of days in advance because you already know she won’t commit.
Plans change and things come up which sometimes make it hard to know our schedule, but when someone never commits, then you know something is wrong.
You shouldn’t have to wait around for whenever she’s ready to see you, putting your life on hold for her. You can’t build a relationship with someone who never knows if they have the time to see you.
If she’s not ready to commit to anything ahead of time, then she’s definitely not thinking about a future together.
Find yourself someone who can’t wait to spend time with you and looks forward to your dates; someone who you can plan for and make special memories with.
4. She doesn’t stay in contact.
Don’t panic if a girl doesn’t text you back right away, but if it’s been days since you’ve heard anything or you never seem to hear from her in between dates, then this could be a sign she’s playing you.
When you like someone, you want to talk to them. You want to tell them about something that happened or just see how their day went.
If this isn’t your experience with this girl and you never seem to hear from her, you know you’re not at the forefront of her mind.
If she’s not talking to you then she’s not that into you. We all have busy days where we might not be on the phone, but going for days or weeks without hearing a word means that you are far down the list of her priorities.
You should be with someone who treats you with respect, who doesn’t just pick you up when they feel like it, but wants to hear from you just because they miss you.
5. She gets jealous.
Does she always seem more interested in you when other girls talk to you? She’s acting distant all evening until she sees another girl flirting with you and then suddenly she’s all over you?
It’s a typical case of “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either.”
She isn’t really that into you, but she can’t handle the idea that you would want to be with someone other than her.
If you’re only more attractive to her when she sees you through another person’s eyes, then she doesn’t appreciate what she has in you.
You should be allowed to find happiness with someone else, and even if that isn’t what you think you want right now, maybe you should consider it.
She doesn’t see you as an equal or a partner, she sees you as her property, that she only wants when she can’t have you.
6. Her mood swings are all over the place.
Hormones can play havoc with our brains, and everyone is entitled to an off day once in a while.
If it’s just a bad day then try to let it slide, but if you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster with this girl, then you know something is up.
One minute she loves you, the next she can’t stand you. You never know if you’re serious or just casual. If you constantly feel as though you’re walking on eggshells when you’re around her for fear of doing something she doesn’t like, then she’s playing your emotions.
Her rapid mood swings could be an indication of how she feels about this relationship. One minute she might want you, then the next she’s not sure. Maybe she knows you’re not really who she wants to be with, but then feels guilty and heaps affection onto you, sending mixed signals.
If she can’t make up her mind, then do it for her. Don’t be in a relationship with someone where you aren’t happy and aren’t treated with respect. You may not know exactly what you want but you know that whatever it is, it’s not to wait around to be played by her.
7. She doesn’t want to put a label on it.
There’s something nice about not rushing a relationship just because of what society expects you to do and taking your time to get to know each other without the pressure of labeling what you are.
But there’s a difference between taking the time to get into something serious and avoiding labeling your commitment at all.
If she doesn’t want to call you her boyfriend or partner or accept that you’re in a relationship together then she might have commitment issues, or just not really want to be with you.
If you care about someone enough and you know you want to be with them, it shouldn’t be hard to admit that to your friends and family that you’re a couple.
If she refuses to label your relationship, she could be stalling because she knows that you aren’t really who she wants to be with or she wants the freedom to see other people.
If you’re ready for more of a commitment, then you should find someone who will give that to you. If you’ve made your feelings clear and given her time to work through any commitment issues and she still won’t say that you’re together, then it’s because she doesn’t want to be. At least, not in the same way you do.
8. She won’t introduce you to anyone close to her.
Meeting friends and family is a big step for a couple and signifies that the relationship is getting serious.
If you like someone, you want the people you care about most in your life to meet them and give their approval.
If you’ve been dating a girl for a while now – maybe even introduced her to some of your friends or family – and she hasn’t done the same, you need to start questioning her intentions.
Why doesn’t she introduce you? Knowing that she’s putting it off can knock your self-esteem and make you question what it is about yourself that she wants to hide from her loved ones.
The truth is it’s much more likely a ‘her’ problem than a ‘you’ problem. She’s not introducing you because she’s not sure if she’s serious about you, or knows that she isn’t but just won’t tell you that.
If a more serious relationship is what you’re looking for, then find someone who wants you to be part of all the aspects of their life, not just pick you up when they please.
9. She controls access to affection.
Does it feel like any time you try to show her some affection, you’re shut down, and then suddenly out of the blue she’s all over you?
One minute she’s acting as if she can’t get enough of you and the next she’s practically flinching at your touch?
When you really think about it, is it always her that initiates any type of affection? If that’s the case, it comes down to having control over the relationship, and right now, she’s the one in control.
She’s messing with you because she only wants to be with you on her terms. She’s not interested in having a normal relationship and building a bond between you. She’s playing on your emotions by picking you up when she feels like it and dropping you the rest of the time.
You deserve to have more respect from a partner than this. You don’t want to be waiting for her to acknowledge you. Instead, take control of the situation and remove yourself from this toxic relationship.
10. She doesn’t make any effort.
Are you always the one to text first? Do you come up with all the date ideas?
When was the last time you felt as if you got anything back from this girl or if your efforts were even appreciated?
If you can’t remember, then you’re playing into the palm of this girl’s hand. She’s got you where she wants you, with her having to make minimal effort in this relationship for maximum reward.
A relationship shouldn’t be one-sided, and if it is, it’s never going to work long term. You both want to feel loved and valued and special and it’s unfair if you’re the only one keeping this relationship alive.
She’s not making the effort because she doesn’t really care about you in the way you think she does. She’s with you for a good time because you make her feel good without her having to give anything back.
Have some self-respect and demand more from a relationship, move on from her and find someone as into you as you are them.
11. You don’t factor in her future.
Warning signs should be going off in your head if, when you talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, you don’t seem to factor in hers.
When she talks about the things she wants to achieve and where she wants to go in life, do you appear at all? Is there any mention of a relationship or family or even taking your needs into consideration? Or is it all about her?
If you don’t seem to register at all, you have to question how serious she is about you and if she sees a future with you in any way.
If she doesn’t then she’s just using you for right now and you’re better off spending your time on someone else if it’s a long term relationship you want.
12. You don’t really know that much about her.
Even if you’ve been dating for a while and you think you really like her, how much do you really know about this girl?
You might feel as though you’re close when you spend time together, but when you actually think about any personal history or details she’s shared with you about her life, how much has she really told you?
It can be hard for some people to open up, but if you realize that this girl hasn’t told you anything personal about herself at all and you don’t really know her any better than you did when you started dating, you should question whether she’s playing you and really cares about getting into a relationship.
Letting your guard down and connecting on a deeper level through sharing more personal details is how you build a sense of trust as a couple. If she’s not willing to do this, then she’s keeping her real self hidden from you and either doesn’t trust you enough to share anything personal or doesn’t want to get close enough to you to do it.
When you realize you don’t really know this person at all, you have to wonder how surface level your relationship is. She’s not letting you get closer to her for a reason and you’ll either need to figure out why or move on.
13. She never shows any PDA.
Public Displays of Affection (PDA) might be cringeworthy to some, but it is a signal to anyone around you that you are a couple.
You don’t have to be all over each other all the time, but even something as simple as holding each other’s hand while you’re out and about reaffirms your connection with each other.
If a girl refuses to acknowledge you and your relationship when you’re out in public, warning signals should be going off in your head.
Why doesn’t she want people to know you’re together? Is it because she’s trying to attract other men? Is it because she doesn’t really want to be with you? Is it because she’s embarrassed in some way about your relationship?
Whatever it is, it’s a problem. You should be proud of who your partner is, not playing with their affections, one minute close to them and the next barely acknowledging they are there.
You deserve more than a girl treating you like this, so don’t let yourself be played.
14. She never messages first.
Yes, you shouldn’t put too much thought into who messages who first or if it’s been a while since she was in contact.
You both have separate lives and she may not sit by her phone all day long to reply to you instantly.
But having a busy lifestyle and being distracted from your phone is one thing, never making the first move is altogether different.
Do you find that you are always the one messaging first, the one who suggests plans or wants to talk? If she’s leaving your messages unanswered until you contact her again, have you considered that she was avoiding that conversation for a reason?
She may not want to be with you but can’t completely let you go. If you’re always the one making contact first, it could be that she’s trying to fizzle out your relationship or that she’s simply not that interested in replying to you.
Relationships aren’t sustainable when it’s just one person putting the effort in. Whatever her reasons are, if it’s regular for her not to message you back unless you chase her, then this isn’t a healthy relationship.
She’s playing you for her own amusement, picking you up when she wants you and letting you pine after her the rest of the time.
15. She always wants more.
When you do go out with her, do you always take her to expensive places or bring her extravagant gifts?
If she’s not as happy to spend an evening with you on the sofa watching TV as she is out at a fancy restaurant, then you have to wonder what her motivations for being with you are.
If she’s started demanding gifts and experiences from you, have you ever considered she could be playing with your feelings just so she can benefit from your money?
She isn’t really that interested in being with you; it’s your bank account that she’s keen on. Try to see if she wants to be with you without any of the extras, the gifts, the dinner reservations. See if she ever brings you a present or offers to arrange a date and pay.
If none of these things are happening, don’t let her have her own way and play you out of your cash. Take control again and cut her off.
16. She booty calls you.
Sure, it can be fun to get a message to come over late at night or meet out of the blue for some fun.
But when your relationship only ever seems to consist of some late night, last minute hookups, you can tell that this girl is playing you.
She only wants to be with you for one thing, and even that has to be on her terms. She doesn’t care about getting to know you and doesn’t want to treat this like a real relationship in the daylight. She only wants you when it suits her.
It might be fine for a while, but after some time, especially if your feelings start to grow for her, you have to have some self-respect and start saying no.
If she knows you’re developing feelings and is using them to booty call you because she knows you’ll always say yes, then she’s manipulating you and playing with your emotions.
Don’t get sucked into it and treated like a standby. If you want something more and someone who will commit to more than just a bit of fun at the end of the night, then stop answering her calls and find someone who appreciates your worth all day, every day.
You might want to believe the best in this person and tell yourself she’s not playing you; that she’s just busy or has commitment issues that she’ll eventually get over.
But the truth is, if this girl wanted to be with you, you wouldn’t be questioning it. She’d want to spend as much time with you as you do with her. You wouldn’t be feeling that something is wrong. You wouldn’t be left waiting for her call or realizing that you don’t even know that much about her.
All you’re going to get from this current relationship is hurt. The worst thing about being played by a girl is the lack of respect she’s showing you by doing what she’s doing. She doesn’t respect your time, the effort you’re making to see her, or care about making you happy. She’s just using you for when she wants the company.
If you can’t tell if a girl likes you then she’s not the one for you. Make the smart choice and end the game before it begins.
Still not sure whether or not she is playing you? It can be upsetting to think that someone we truly like is playing us but what if we’re just misreading the signs? Well, why not talk things through with a relationship and dating expert to get a second opinion based on your specific circumstances? So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.
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