You’ve been looking forward to this date, and it holds a special and sentimental meaning for you.
But apparently, your husband doesn’t feel the same way.
Instead of bringing you flowers and taking you for a romantic dinner, he forgot your anniversary.
You kept waiting for a surprise, but the surprise was that he forgot.
Is this how it played out?
Anniversaries…they mean a lot to most women, so how come they don’t seem to mean as much to most men?
Listen, I get it, anniversaries are important and you clearly feel they should be marked at the very least, and ideally celebrated. But try to keep things in perspective, and try not to make the problem bigger than it really is if you are in an otherwise happy marriage.
If you, instead, have problems in your marriage, don’t use your anniversary as a day when they escalate.
Either way, don’t focus solely on this one mistake that he made, no matter how big it seems.
Here’s what you should do when your husband forgets your anniversary.
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So, your husband forgot your anniversary…
1. Remind yourself that he loves you.
Does your husband love you? Even if you do have problems, he married you, and you’re still together after all this time. I think it’s safe to assume that he loves you. So, if you’re feeling unloved by his lack of regard for your anniversary, don’t.
Just because he forgot an important date doesn’t mean that he fell out of love. Did he kiss you this morning before going to work? Does he show you love in little ways with the things he says and does? If so, remind yourself of that. If not, consider how long it’s been since you felt loved.
Are you having a lot of problems in your marriage? Is the anniversary just the tip of the iceberg? Even so, don’t assume that your husband has lost feelings for you. If you’re both willing to work on your problems, you can resolve them.
Just keep in mind that this won’t be achieved by simply celebrating your anniversary. So don’t focus on this date as if it could determine whether your husband loves you or not.
2. Consider whether he’s generally forgetful.
Your husband might be generally forgetful, and that could be the only reason why he forgot about your anniversary. It probably has nothing to do with his feelings for you or the problems in your relationship.
Answer this; if reminded, would he want to celebrate your anniversary? If so, he’s not forgetting about it to punish you, make you mad, or because he doesn’t care.
If he is generally forgetful, don’t let that ruin your special day.
3. Consider what has been going on in his life lately.
He doesn’t have to be forgetful to have a lot on his plate. Maybe he usually remembers your anniversary, but his life has been hectic lately. He has so much going on that he hasn’t known which day it is for weeks now, not just on your special day.
This could be because he’s busy or because he’s going through something emotionally all-consuming. Consider what has been going on in his life lately, and you might find a valid excuse for his forgetfulness.
4. Consider whether this is the first time or if it happens every time.
Did your husband forget one anniversary or all of them? If this is a recurring issue, have you tried reminding him? Did you explain to him how much this day means to you and that you want to celebrate it with him?
If you have done these things, and he still doesn’t care enough about your anniversary, consider the other issues. Does he generally make you feel neglected and uncared for? Does he treat you poorly and make you unhappy? Or it is just the important dates where he fails to meet your expectations?
5. Consider whether he remembers and celebrates important dates in general.
Firstly, does your husband usually know which day it is? He could be perfectly aware of your wedding date but not be aware of which day of the week it is now. Maybe he doesn’t pay attention to dates, and that’s the whole issue!
However, maybe it’s just the important dates that he always either forgets or ruins. Some people don’t give importance to special dates, so they forget them.
Some even hate celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Even when they do celebrate them, they ruin them completely. This is often because of their bad past experiences with important dates, so you should encourage your husband to talk to a therapist and understand that the problem has nothing to do with you or his love for you.
6. Consider whether he gives importance to anniversaries.
Some people simply think that anniversaries aren’t a big deal. Often, they feel the same way about other important dates. They don’t understand why they should celebrate a certain date and how important that could be to someone.
Have you explained to your husband how much your anniversary means to you? If you have, and he doesn’t care, that’s a problem. But if he genuinely doesn’t get it, try explaining it to him. He might surprise you when he starts enjoying the anniversary celebrations too.
7. Let him know that he forgot.
Don’t wait for days after the anniversary to tell your husband that he forgot about it! Asking him “Are we doing anything today?” should give you a clue about whether he knows or has forgotten. The point is, let him know that he forgot as soon as you notice it, not when there’s no chance to fix it.
If you tell him, he might instantly apologize and ask to make it up to you. You could still celebrate your anniversary properly! So don’t let yourself spend that day in silence and tears if letting him know could make all the difference!
8. Calmly let him know how you feel.
You have a right to feel hurt and disappointed, and you should communicate your feelings to your husband. But do so calmly. If you scream at him, he will just get defensive, and you won’t achieve anything.
Explaining how you feel is your chance to make him realize how much sentimental value this date has for you. Let him know that you’re not asking him to give it as much value as you do, but that he should put the effort into remembering and celebrating your anniversary because he loves you and wants you to be happy together.
9. Don’t be passive-aggressive.
Playing passive-aggressive games or making passive-aggressive comments just prolongs things, and it usually makes them worse. So, try to stay calm and communicate efficiently.
You are more likely to make progress if you talk about this calmly rather than if you turn it into an argument. Don’t give him the silent treatment, don’t criticize his every word or act for the rest of the day, don’t go around huffing and puffing trying to get him to ask you what’s wrong.
10. Wait for his reaction.
How did your husband react when you told him that he had forgotten about your anniversary?
This is more important than the fact that he forgot. If he doesn’t seem to care that he hurt your feelings, that’s an issue that’s not just about this one date.
Even if your husband doesn’t give value to important dates, he should care if he has done something to hurt you. So, does he feel sorry for forgetting your anniversary, or would he be fine with you spending it crying in bed?
11. See if you get a sincere apology.
Did your husband apologize once you told him that he hurt your feelings? Was the apology sincere? If so, you might even want to forgive him right away and go celebrate your anniversary! Yes, he forgot, but if he is sorry about it, don’t spend this day arguing when you could still salvage what’s left of it.
Turning it into a big fight isn’t going to help him remember it the next time. Celebrating it in a way that makes you both happy could. So, accept his apology if it’s sincere.
If he’s just saying that he’s sorry and he has done it before, don’t be so quick to forgive him. However, still consider salvaging the day. If he doesn’t apologize, see if he’ll try to make up for it.
Conversely, is it possible that he simply doesn’t care? If he doesn’t care, you probably have bigger issues in your marriage, but keep in mind that you can’t solve them by spending your anniversary fighting. You can suggest counseling and see if your husband is willing to work on your problems.
12. See if he’ll try to make up for it.
Most likely, your husband will want to make up for it, even if he doesn’t apologize. He will take you out to dinner, buy you flowers or jewelry, or simply tell you that he loves you and promise never to forget your anniversary again.
Even if he forgets your anniversary every time, if he always makes up for it once he realizes what he has done, you might even want to let it slide. Work with him on remembering the date, but don’t make a big problem out of it if he clearly loves you and wants to make this day special for both of you now that he has realized his mistake.
If he is otherwise a loving husband who makes you happy, think of forgetting important dates as a small flaw that doesn’t reflect the state of your marriage.
13. Don’t make the day worse than it has to be.
Don’t reject your husband’s attempts to salvage this day if there is still time. Don’t choose to fight on your anniversary if it’s still possible to celebrate it and your husband is more than willing to.
Most importantly, don’t make the day worse than it has to be. It’s not your fault that this happened, but now that it has happened, see if you can still salvage the day and celebrate your anniversary.
If there’s still time to celebrate your anniversary, put a pause on the argument if it happens. Agree to continue it another day, but celebrate this day and try to enjoy it.
14. Think about your relationship.
When your husband forgets your anniversary, it’s wise not to focus on that specific problem and consider the entire relationship instead. Yes, it’s still a problem, but if you only focus on that, you might make it a much bigger problem than it really is and overthink things.
Do you have problems besides this one? Does your husband make you feel loved? Does he try to make you happy, and has he shown progress when it comes to the problems that you are working on?
If you are feeling unloved and your husband doesn’t care, that’s a huge problem, but forgetting an anniversary doesn’t indicate that on its own. So, look at the big picture and consider your marriage in general, regardless of this incident.
15. Don’t punish him.
Your husband made a mistake, but don’t punish him for it. Don’t use the silent treatment, passive-aggressive comments, or some other way to hurt him because he hurt you. One meta-analysis showed that couples who engage in such behavior “experience lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication, which is also associated with divorce.”
Instead, if he is willing to apologize and make up for it, accept that and celebrate your anniversary.
If he doesn’t care that he hurt you, consider working on your marriage with a therapist or even leaving the marriage depending on your problems and specific circumstances. But don’t assume that your husband doesn’t care about your feelings just because he forgot your anniversary.
Let him know how you feel, and try to stay calm. To us women, anniversaries are often much more important than to men. If your husband doesn’t care that much about your anniversary, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, so always keep that in mind.
How to make sure he doesn’t forget again.
1. Don’t test him.
Maybe your husband always forgets important dates, or he forgot the last anniversary, and now you’re testing him to see whether he’ll remember. You’re either preparing yourself for a big fight or silently hoping with all of your heart that he’ll remember.
Maybe you’re preparing yourself for disappointment and fearing it.
Don’t do this.
Maybe you even know for sure that he’ll forget, and you purposely didn’t give any hints or mention anything about it to see him let you down. A lot of women do this, but why?
Couples often talk about their anniversary ahead of time. After all, it takes time to plan a special date, so you talk about what you would like to do. What’s wrong with that?
Of course, it would be better if your husband would surprise you on this day with a romantic date and a thoughtful gift, but if you already know that he’s not going to do that, why not make the plans with him, or at least give him a hint that he should?
2. Drop hints before the big date.
If you think that your husband is going to forget your anniversary, drop hints before the big date. It’s not the best-case scenario, but it does help prevent the worst-case scenario.
Mention your last anniversary or talk about your wedding. Talk about the place where you went on some other anniversary, or mention that you could go there sometime soon.
You can make it subtle, but if he doesn’t seem to get the message, literally say that your anniversary is coming soon. If he’s not getting the hints, don’t get so angry that you decide to stay silent and wait for the date to fight with him.
3. Consider reminding him.
“Don’t forget about our anniversary this Sunday!” It could be as simple as that.
If you think that your husband is going to forget about this day, don’t let him. Remind him and maybe even plan a great date together! He should remember your anniversary without being reminded, but don’t let that day be awful and disappointing for both of you if you suspect that it will be.
If there are other problems in your relationship, don’t let them overshadow an important date for both of you. Celebrate it together and have a lovely day, even if it means that you’ll have to remind him when it is.
Then, the next day, talk about how you’re going to work on the problems that you’re experiencing.
4. Ask his other loved ones to remind him.
It’s important for you that your husband celebrates your anniversary with you, but you don’t want to remind him. That’s okay! Telling his friends and family members to remind him would do the trick too.
Again, it might not be exactly what you want, but if it’s going to make the difference between tears and kisses on the day that you married your husband, it’s good enough. This way, you can celebrate your anniversary properly, and you won’t have to rely on your husband’s memory.
5. Mark the date on a calendar.
There are other ways you can help your husband remember. Mark the date on a calendar or set a reminder on his phone. You could even engrave your wedding date in your wedding rings and renew your vows on your anniversary!
Make it a day to remember, and he might not ever forget again! Sure, it was already a day to remember since it’s your wedding day, but why not make your anniversaries memorable and look forward to them more by knowing that you’re going to celebrate them properly?
6. Consider planning something special together.
As already mentioned, some couples plan their anniversaries together ahead of time. Consider accepting this as a way to make sure that your anniversaries are remembered and celebrated.
Plus, it could be fun to plan things together because you can really come up with something special and memorable. After all, why should it be entirely on your husband’s shoulders to plan things for the both of you?
Spend the day exactly the way you imagined it instead of waiting until the last second to see if you’re going to celebrate it at all.
Planning your anniversaries together could also help your husband remember them and enjoy celebrating them more. Ask him what he would like to do and take his likes and dislikes into consideration when planning the day.
Still not sure how to respond to your husband forgetting this important day?
Speak to an experienced relationship expert about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and and your concerns and then help you figure out a plan of action.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
