Are you ready to give up on love?
You’ve tried dating and have been in relationships, but they go nowhere; you just never seem to meet the right person.
Are you beginning to think that love just isn’t in the cards for you?
Have you been let down or played so many times that you’ve given up on your own fairytale ending?
You can’t imagine having what you see other people share. Time is ticking and yet you’re still left without your perfect partner.
You feel like you’ve tried everything, but you never seem to experience that giddy, all-encompassing emotion that everyone else seems to fall into so easily.
Perhaps you think you’re just not made for love. That somehow, you are meant to be single, so love just isn’t something you should pursue or spend your time worrying about anymore.
If you’ve been disappointed and feel like love just isn’t coming your way, it’s understandable to want to give up on it. You probably think it’s better to stop believing in it all together rather than continue to feel lonely and let down. When love doesn’t happen for you, you’d rather just accept that you’ll never know love in the same way other people do.
But before you give up on love and relationships completely, there are a few things to consider. Take some time to think to yourself why it really is that you don’t believe love is for you and if there’s any chance you could be wrong.
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1. You’re holding too much negativity.
So, you’ve had a failed relationship or two, but that doesn’t mean that you’re never going to find love.
Even if you thought you’d found someone perfect, a breakup doesn’t have to push you further away from finding love. In fact, it can help you get closer.
Sharing a relationship with someone, even if it doesn’t last, teaches you about what you want and need in a partner. Often, these lessons can be found in the things your relationship lacked or the ways you wished your partner was different.
The ending of a relationship doesn’t have to be the end of love for you; it could be the beginning of your journey to finding the right person who will love you in the way you deserve.
2. You can’t let go of your hurt.
Being left, rejected, cheated on, or just ignored, when you were in love with the person who hurt you can feel impossible to let go of.
This sort of experience is going to alter the way you approach love from now on, possibly making you judge people faster or more cynically rather than openly embracing the chance for love like you once willingly would have.
Being hurt in the past can be difficult to move on from, especially if it’s stopped you from being able to be vulnerable and trust people like you once did. But hanging onto this hurt is only going to hold you back.
You think that love isn’t for you, but in reality, you just gave your love to the wrong person and now you’re just scared of getting hurt again. But this experience doesn’t have to stop you from giving or receiving love in the future.
Rather than give up on love completely, use any negative experiences you’ve had to guide you to the right partner for you. Trust that not everyone is the same and that not every person you fall for is going to end up hurting you in the same way as the last.
Start making your heartbreak work for you and use it to guide you to people who can give you what you’re looking for instead of letting you down.
3. You don’t appreciate vulnerability.
Do you think relationships aren’t for you because you don’t believe in vulnerability?
For some people, the idea of being vulnerable only has a negative context. Vulnerability can be seen as another way of showing weakness. If you rely on others too much, it can give people a chance to use your vulnerability against you.
So, because of all of this, you’ve decided that love just isn’t for you. Anything that requires you to let down your defenses and open yourself up to hurt is not something you’re interested in trying.
But showing vulnerability doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It doesn’t always open you up to getting hurt, sometimes it can lead you to a person who will understand you like no one else has before.
Vulnerability goes hand in hand with falling in love, and when it’s reciprocated and respected, it can bring you closer to a partner, not open you up to pain. There’s a relief when you can be completely authentic around someone and not have to put on a show or hide anything about yourself.
There’s no easy way to know if you’re choosing the right person to fall in love with—heartbreak is always a possibility—but that shouldn’t stop you from ever taking the chance.
4. You’re done waiting.
Perhaps you’re not someone who doesn’t believe in love, you just don’t think it’s going to happen for you.
You feel like you’ve tried dating, attempted to make relationships work, and you still haven’t found the right person.
So, you’ve given up and you’ve accepted that love just isn’t for you. You can’t see how you could have done anything more to try to find your perfect match, and there’s only so much you can do.
It’s understandable to feel like you should just give up on finding the right person. You might have passed the age where you thought you would be settled or married, or even have children by now, and the idea of that all happening at this point in your life seems too unrealistic.
But the truth is, love can still be for you. It’s a cliché, but love really does come around to those who aren’t looking for it. If you’ve had enough of trying so hard, maybe don’t for a while.
Just remind yourself that you’re not alone in being single. In fact, one survey puts the number of 18-34 year-olds who have no steady partner at more than 50% and other age groups have significant numbers of single people too.
Stop wanting a relationship, and concentrate on what makes you happy outside of the idea of a relationship. Take that trip you’ve always wanted to go on, spend your time on hobbies you enjoy, join new classes, and say yes to opportunities to meet new people.
When you’re focused on your own happiness, you become the best version of yourself, and that’s when love unexpectedly finds you.
5. You’re shutting the door to love.
Searching for love and putting pressure on yourself to make a relationship work can be exhausting.
You might have decided it’s time to start focusing on something else rather than searching for a relationship, but that doesn’t cause you to shut the door to love completely.
Taking time for yourself and focusing on something other than finding love doesn’t have to mean you’re giving up completely or that it’s not for you. Love can turn up in unexpected places. Not putting so much pressure on yourself to find it could be exactly what you need for it to happen.
There’s a balance to find between concentrating on yourself and your own happiness, but still being open to meeting new people and taking more opportunities. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. You don’t have to actively go after a relationship, but if someone shows an interest, don’t shut them down. Love is for you if it’s meant to be, you just need to be open to the idea of it.
6. What you think you want isn’t what you need.
You might think that love isn’t for you, but in fact you’re just trying to find someone who either doesn’t exist or who isn’t your right match.
Many people have an image in their head of the type of person they hope to share their “happily ever after” with. If you have a “type” of person you date, whether in the way they look, their personality, or their profession, it could be holding you back from finding the person you’re meant to be with.
You have to consider, if all of the people you’ve dated had something in common, but you’ve never managed to make the relationship last, then maybe it’s time to look for something or someone different.
Love doesn’t always come to us in the exact way we expect. If you open yourself up to new possibilities, you could be surprised to find that love is for you, just not in the partner you ever thought it would be.
Your perfect match could be right in front of you, but if you limit yourself to people who only fit your criteria and never consider broadening your horizons or compromising, then you’re going to miss what could be the best relationship you’ve ever had.
It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the experts at Relationship Hero as counseling can be highly effective in helping individuals to decide what they want and how best to get it.
7. You need to let go.
If you’re the type of person who likes to be in control of all aspects of their life, then you might think that love isn’t for you.
The very act of falling in love requires a person to let go, fall head first into a relationship, and be led by their heart and not by rationality.
Love is rarely perfect, neat, or easy. Emotions are difficult to control, especially when they involve someone else.
When you like to have everything in your life in order, falling in love can bring a chaos and disorder to your thoughts and feelings that can feel overwhelming if you don’t let go and embrace it.
It’s important to be careful and not just be swept up in your emotions. Keep your head on your shoulders and make decisions that are right for you, rather than just getting carried away with your feelings for a person. This will help ensure you’re in a relationship that is good for you. You obviously want to avoid being taken down a toxic path.
But you can’t be in control of everything when you fall in love. It’s a chance to learn just as much about yourself as you will about the person you fall in love with. If you overanalyze every single part of the relationship you’re in, trying to predict where you’ll end up, you’ll stop enjoying the process of letting it naturally grow.
It’s okay to let go once in a while and see where you end up. Love can be for you if you’re able to embrace the uncertainty it presents and trust that not having control over every aspect of your life could open up more possibilities than you could ever imagine.
8. Your standards are unrealistic.
The truth doesn’t have to be that love isn’t for you, it’s that what you think is love doesn’t exist.
If you’re basing your standard of love on Disney films or similar romcoms, then you’re going to keep being disappointed. Love that we see on screen or in books is made up to be the perfect imaginary version that everyone wants.
People aren’t going around falling in love with frogs or bumping into Mr. Right while walking down the street on a rainy night. It’s just that no one would want to watch a film about everyday, normal relationships.
It’s fine to want a partner that adores you and gives you the romantic moments you’re looking for, but you must remember that these won’t always happen in such an obvious way.
You must be open to meeting someone who might not be the person you imagined falling in love with. They may not be the perfect person you thought you were looking for, but no one is ever perfect. You’ll have to learn to work together, compromise, and build the loving relationship you’ve always wanted rather than expecting it to materialize from nothing.
Love isn’t always a fairytale; sometimes it’s hard fought. It takes time and energy to get to the place that matches your expectations. Be realistic about the people you meet and the places you expect to meet them.
Love won’t just fall into your lap. If you meet someone who doesn’t quite fit the mold, it doesn’t mean that they can’t become the right person for you in time.
Be fair and be realistic. Ask yourself are you being too picky? Love is a work in progress, so give it time and be open to opportunities in whatever shape or form they present themselves.
9. You’re looking in the wrong place.
If you genuinely want a loving relationship, then you must think carefully about the places you’re looking for love.
Think about your age, what you like, what you want in a partner, and the type of person you can imagine next to you for years to come. If you’ve only been going out to bars and clubs, going for people based almost entirely on their looks and age, then it’s not surprising you haven’t found your soulmate yet.
The issue isn’t that love isn’t for you, it’s that you’re setting yourself up to fail. Youth and beauty aren’t what make a relationship. It’s important to be attracted to a partner, but if you don’t find out anything else about them, then you’re more likely to be disappointed because you just don’t have that much in common.
Don’t just swipe past people based on their looks, read about them and try to ask the right questions that matter to you in a partner. Join clubs where you’re more likely to find people who have the same interests as you to see if you find someone better suited. Focus on people who are at the same stage in life as you and who want to find love, not just have some fun.
Youth and beauty, as alluring as they are, don’t provide much of a foundation for love. So rather than give up on it completely, try making a bit more effort to look for it in people who are ready to give it back.
10. You’re looking for love for the wrong reasons.
Maybe love isn’t for you because your heart isn’t really in it?
You never seem to feel satisfied with the relationships you’re in or get excited about the people you date. Do you think it’s because you’re not meant for love in the same way other people are?
You could be right; you may not be meant for love right now. But that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be ready for it.
Why do you date? Is it because you actually want to find a lasting connection, or is it because you just want some fun? Do you want a relationship right now or do you just feel under pressure to be in one because everyone else is or it’s what’s expected of you?
As hard as it might be to go against people’s expectations, if you don’t feel like you want a serious relationship, then stop trying to get into one. Enjoy the time where you can just concentrate on yourself if that’s what makes you happy. Go on those trips, achieve those life goals, and spend your time doing whatever you feel like.
The best relationships happen when you’re already at your happiest, because that’s when you attract people to your positive energy. Concentrate on putting yourself first and finding fulfilment so you can get to a place where you are ready to meet someone and fall in love.
Focusing on yourself doesn’t mean that you’ve given up on love, it’s the opposite. You’re prioritizing your self-love right now because you don’t feel ready to share your love with anyone else, and that’s okay too. Love is for you, it’s just some self-love that you need.
11. You need to work on your self-confidence.
Do you think love isn’t for you because you don’t deserve to be loved?
Has anyone ever told you that you weren’t worth as much as someone else? Have you ever felt inadequate because you’ve been treated badly in a past relationship, not given the attention you deserve, or cheated on?
Maybe it’s not just relationships that have made you feel this way. Perhaps you’ve always felt looked past or ignored by family or social groups and you’re starting to believe that you aren’t worth the love that everyone else seems to get.
Whatever you’ve been through that has made you think that you’re worth any less than anyone else, know that none of this is true. You’ve been dealt a rough hand, but love is for everyone, it’s not limited to a few.
Perhaps you believe that nobody wants to date you because you have nothing to offer in a relationship—don’t believe these thoughts for even a second.
Right now, the love that you need to concentrate on is love for yourself. You can’t accept love from other people unless you can trust in your own self-worth and know what love looks like. You need to start by working on your own confidence to start believing that you are worth all the good things that should be coming your way.
The more you love yourself, the more your confidence will shine through for others to see. This will help you to find the right person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated while appreciating all that you bring to the world.
Self-love is just as important—if not more important—than love from anyone else. Love is for you, you just need to start believing it.
12. Remember that love isn’t just about receiving.
Love doesn’t just come in one form, and it’s not all about the love you receive. The love you show others is important too.
Romantic love might not be yours right now, but there are other types of love. You can love your family and friends and that love can be shared with the world.
Love isn’t supposed to be a one-way emotion. Showing love to others, in whatever way it’s needed, can be as fulfilling and bring as much joy to you as receiving love back yourself.
Love is about sharing happiness, and if you can be that person who brings someone else a little piece of joy in their day, why wouldn’t you choose to do that?
It’s always nice to receive a smile or a kind word from a stranger, an unexpected phone call from a friend, or to share time together with family. You don’t have to wait for other people to be the instigator of any of this, you can be the person who encourages everyone else to share some love.
The great thing about love is that it multiplies: you smile at a stranger and maybe they smile back, you message your friend unexpectedly to check in on them and maybe one day they’ll do the same back to you.
You don’t show love in the hope of getting the same back, but sharing your love with others will naturally encourage love to grow, and why would you not want to be part of that?
Final thoughts on “Love is not for me.”
The pursuit of love shouldn’t feel exhausting. You shouldn’t be fed up with looking for love to the point that you’re sick of it.
Love is something that happens naturally. It’s about a connection you find with a person and can’t be manufactured.
We can’t know when or where we’ll find love, but if you shut yourself off to the idea completely, it will never happen for you.
It’s important to be open to opportunities and feel confident about putting yourself out there to find love, but there’s only so much we can control.
You don’t know if or when you’ll find love with someone else, but you are in control of the love you show yourself and others around you.
You don’t have to wait for other people to show you the love you crave. You think that love isn’t for you because you don’t feel like you’re receiving it, but love is for you and always will be if you’re the one showing it.
Don’t be that person who gives up on love, be the person who brings love and light to other people’s lives, and you might start to see it reflected right back at you.
Still convinced that love and a romantic relationship are not for you? Find someone to talk to about it. Talking to someone is a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
Speak to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and help you uncover your true feelings and beliefs about love.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
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