Have you got an extremely talkative partner and aren’t sure what to do about it?
You want to be with them, but you can never get a word in or have a moment’s peace. You want the relationship to work, but you’re not sure how to keep it together when you’re always so overwhelmed by your partner’s constant noise.
It can be difficult if you’ve got a particularly talkative partner, especially if you are less of a talker yourself. When there’s a different communication style between you and your partner, it can be hard to feel connected to each other without getting bored or frustrated.
Having a talkative partner doesn’t sound like it should make or break a relationship, but if you’re getting frustrated because you’re being asked the same question over and over again, or being talked to incessantly, it doesn’t give you any space for your own thoughts. You can begin to feel stifled, and you may want to avoid one-on-one time with your partner just to have some quiet.
Perhaps you’ve even started to switch off from your partner all together. They talk so much that you’ve stopped listening entirely, making them annoyed and creating an ever-greater distance between the both of you to try to overcome.
Being talkative is a common personality trait. If your partner is a big, energetic personality, or someone who overthinks and verbalizes their feelings, then you will have to get used to them thinking out loud and expressing their emotions.
You can’t ask someone to completely change their personality, but there are ways to manage a partner who talks a lot so that life together can be easier for the both of you.
Small changes can make a big impact and help you both accept the differences in your personalities and make your relationship more enjoyable. Keep reading for some tips on what to do if you find yourself in a relationship with a partner who can’t stop talking.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you figure out how to approach your partner’s endless chatter without hurting them in the process. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
1. Reassure them.
If you find that your partner is always repeating themselves, then it could be that they just need some reassurance from you.
It might be a particular subject that you notice your partner talks about a lot and keeps asking your opinion on. This could be a sign that they want to hear your thoughts and that they are also seeking reassurance from you.
Even if you think you’ve answered their question and given your opinion already, they might just need a little more from you to help them really take on what you’re saying. Their repetitiveness is a sign that what you’re giving back to them right now isn’t satisfying their need for a response, so take a little time and ask exactly how you can help them so they feel at ease.
Give them the attention they’re looking for. Even if you don’t understand why they need your reassurance, you should care about their needs enough to want to find a way to help because that’s what they want right now.
Focus on what they’re saying and let them talk, and then once they’re done, you can draw a line under the conversation and know that you’ve done everything you can to try to give them what they need.
2. Take back your voice.
If you’re not feeling heard in a relationship because your partner always monopolizes the airspace, then it’s time to take back your voice.
Every relationship is different, and in yours, you might generally be the quieter one. But just because you aren’t as loud, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel as though your voice is heard when you need it to be.
If your partner has gotten used to speaking for you or ignores your opinion in favor of their own, then don’t be passive about it. Listening attentively shows that you respect the other person. Demand this same level of respect from your partner when you are speaking.
If your partner talks too much, maybe it’s because you make it too easy for them to take control of the conversation. Start engaging more, especially on issues that matter to you, and don’t be afraid to speak up.
If you’re always waiting for the right moment, it may never come. The more you start engaging, the more your partner will get used to the fact that there’s another voice in the room that needs to be heard.
3. Don’t be afraid to disagree.
Your partner might have some strong opinions, or a quick temper, and you often let them have control of a conversation. As a result, they may attempt to take control of every conversation until it becomes hard for you to get a word in at all.
Just because your partner is strong-minded doesn’t mean you should be worried about voicing your thoughts, especially if you disagree. You don’t have to start an argument if you disagree with someone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and you may just need to remind your partner of that.
It’s good to have a balanced view as a couple, and not everything you say or do is going to be the same as your partner. Sometimes it’s important to have a second opinion to make sure you’ve got a well-rounded perspective.
If you’re worried about causing an argument, or your partner’s potential reaction is what’s keeping you quiet, then this is something you need to work on so you can keep that channel of communication open.
Nothing will change if you don’t try, so make it something for you to work on together, and find a way of communicating with each other and handling tension that works for the both of you.
Disagreements don’t have to be hostile; you just need to learn how best to approach them in a non-confrontational way. But this can only get better if you take the chance to voice your thoughts first, rather than always backing off.
4. Tell them how you feel.
If your partner is overwhelming you with how much they talk, then it could be time to discuss it with them.
However, before you do, consider how to best approach the situation so that it won’t be hurtful for your partner to hear. You don’t have to be insulting or self-absorbed when you do finally broach the subject. Think about how you’d want to be told you talk too much and how you would react if the situation was reversed.
For example, if your partner cuts you off mid-sentence, gently address the interruption by saying, “I wasn’t quite done. Let me just finish my thought and then we can go back to yours.” You could be completely honest by telling them you just need to be given some space and that you don’t want to answer so many questions.
Your partner may not realize how dominant they are in your relationship and how much they really talk. They can’t work on an issue they aren’t aware of, so give them a chance to make a positive change for themselves by being honest about how you feel.
5. Interrupt the conversation.
Whenever you feel your partner taking over, don’t be afraid to verbally halt the conversation so you have a chance to speak for yourself.
Making it obvious every time your partner interrupts you or doesn’t let you have a chance to share your thoughts will bring into light just how much they talk over you.
Be confident in taking your airtime back in a discussion by trying things like, “Thank you for sharing your opinion. I feel differently because…” Tell them when they interrupt and that you haven’t finished speaking yet.
You don’t have to be rude or forceful when your partner is talking over you. Being passive-aggressive or making an issue out of the situation will only aggravate your partner. You can take back control of the conversation and still be respectful at the same time.
If your partner is overemotional, is running away with the conversation, and won’t let you have a second to speak, then inform them that you will speak to them when they’re in a calmer state of mind. Walk away if you need to and return when your partner is willing to include you.
Calling out the problem will bring it to life and show your partner in real-time how they sometimes need to take a step back and let other people contribute. As long as it’s done carefully and respectfully, it could be how you finally get across to them just how much they dominate.
6. Bring the conversation back to the point.
Your partner might be the type of person who easily gets overexcited or distracted in a conversation and starts going off on tangents. One minute they’re talking about one thing and the next they’re somehow on an entirely different subject and you don’t know how you got there.
They might just have an intense personality, and they don’t mean to get so carried away with their thoughts. To avoid tangents, try to gently bring the conversation back around to where it started.
If they began by telling you a story or asking for your opinion and then got off track, remind them of the original point of the conversation.
For example, if they were asking your thoughts on an activity this weekend but have since moved onto a different subject without finishing their first question, you could ask, “So what was it you wanted to know from me about this weekend?” This will help them realize how far they’ve drifted from their original thought.
Bringing the discussion back to where it started can help your partner stay focused. Equally, if you’ve offered your opinion and they are still talking, then you can ask them politely, “Was there anything else you wanted to know from me about that?” This makes it clear to them that you’ve answered their question and they don’t need to keep talking about it anymore.
They might just need some direction in making conversation, and if it’s something that bothers you that much, then you need to be the one to give it to them.
7. Make your alone time sacred.
Making sure you have your own, uninterrupted time away from your partner is healthy in any relationship, and especially in one where you never feel as though they give you a break.
It could be doing an activity you enjoy, seeing your friends, or finding some quiet alone time where you don’t have to engage with anyone at all. Whatever you decide, if you need alone time, then you have to make sure your partner respects that. Make it clear that your time alone is important for you and isn’t something to be cut short or interrupted by anyone.
Setting this expectation clearly should mean that wherever you are, whether you’re in the same place as your partner or not, if you need time on your own, they can respect that.
Show your partner the same respect and encourage them to take time away for themselves to help keep in touch with their own needs as much as being there for yours.
After having space from your partner, you might feel more prepared to cope with their constant conversational energy. Make it a non-negotiable in your relationship and enjoy it so you can be the best version of yourself when you’re ready to come back to your partner.
8. Make your boundaries clear.
Your partner might be the type of person who just can’t let something go, whether they are unable to move on from an argument or are just so excited about something they won’t stop talking about it. If this is a problem for you in your relationship, and you’re sick of your partner getting stuck on repeat, you need to start making your boundaries clearer.
If they won’t drop an argument, don’t shy away from telling them that you won’t engage anymore on the subject. It’s not about dismissing them or not giving them time to share how they feel, you’re just preventing the argument from dragging on by making it clear that you’re only interested in moving forward.
Set boundaries—once you’ve both apologized and acknowledged your mistakes, you are to leave the argument in the past and move on. Then make sure you both hold each other to that.
Equally, if your partner is getting on your nerves because they won’t stop talking about the same subject over and over, you can tell them when you’ve had enough and that you want to talk about something else. You don’t have to be condescending or rude; just gently point out that the conversation is starting to get a little repetitive for you.
If your partner is smothering you and won’t leave you alone, always asking you things or wanting you to give them attention, take some time to yourself and give your partner clear instructions that you need to be left in peace.
Make it one of your hard boundaries. Not only do you need your own space once in a while, but you don’t want to be interrupted or disturbed when you do. Tell them if they are becoming overbearing, and reassure them that you will give them the attention and answers they need, but that you just need your own space too.
You should always respect each other’s boundaries in a relationship, but until you set them, your partner isn’t going to know when they’re crossing the line. Work together to make this relationship one you’re both comfortable in and don’t be afraid to prioritize your happiness in it too.
9. Give your partner attention.
If you feel as though your partner is talking to you a lot, especially if they’re repeating themselves or you feel like they’re speaking for the sake of it, think about how engaged you have been in your conversations recently.
Talking at you a lot could be a cry for attention because your partner is feeling as though you never listen to them or care about what they have to say. They keep talking at you because they’re trying to provoke a reaction and hope that, at some point, you’ll respond.
Unfortunately, the more they talk at you, especially if it’s about subjects that seem irrelevant in your eyes, the more you’re going to train yourself to switch off from them the minute they begin to speak.
To help manage this, try to give your partner dedicated times where you really do listen to them while actively participating in the conversation. Give them the attention they’re craving for a while and be the loving partner that they want you to be.
If they need to talk something through with you, even if you can’t understand why or you aren’t interested, you should let them have that moment to connect with you. After all, it might be very important to your partner.
If you give them a time when you can have the longer, deeper conversations you’ve been putting off, they might start being less needy because you’re showing them the attention they’ve been looking for.
You can encourage them to get everything off their chest at a time that you’re willing and ready to listen, rather than being caught off guard at a time when you’re busy or distracted.
Ignoring your partner doesn’t just make the situation worse, it’s disrespectful too. Try thinking about how your partner is feeling, what could be motivating them to try to talk to you so much, and if there’s a better way to manage their needs.
10. Practice how to be spoken to.
If you can never get a word in with your partner, then show them how you want to be spoken to by speaking to them in that way.
When you’re having a conversation and you feel as though your partner is cutting in and not letting you finish a sentence, tell them that you haven’t finished speaking yet. When you have something to speak to them about, start by asking them if now is a good time. Take control when you want to have in-depth conversations by suggesting a specific discussion time.
Show your partner the way you want to be spoken to by interacting with them in that way. You can demonstrate how to have a respectful conversation by listening intently and waiting to speak.
By managing how and when you talk to each other, you can make sure that it’s at a time when you won’t be distracted and can actively participate.
Your partner might not pick up on all the cues of how you like to be spoken to, but through leading by example, you can slowly develop a method of communication that works for the both of you.
11. Get to the root of the issue.
When your partner is tumbling over their sentences or can’t seem to leave a subject alone, there could be a deeper issue that’s playing on their mind that they’re trying to work through.
If your partner typically talks a lot, they might be the type of person who needs to verbalize their feelings and talk through their thought process. If they’re worried, excited, or just overemotional, this could increase the amount they start talking to you because, internally, they’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
Getting to the root of the problem can help your partner feel more settled and stop this need to keep verbalizing. When your partner is being vocal and can’t pinpoint the root of the problem themselves, be supportive and help them to cut through their thoughts to find what the real reason for their anxiety is.
If they’re being indecisive and running through multiple options, you can give your opinion if they need it. You can acknowledge their excitement about something or help them calm down if they’re feeling stressed or anxious.
If your partner is particularly talkative, don’t just assume that they’re a conversational narcissist and that everything revolves around them. They may just cope with emotional situations in a different way than you do. Your partner is looking for emotional support and they need validation and possibly your help as well.
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Having a partner who talks too much can be difficult to live with, but is it worth ending your relationship over?
Just because someone communicates in a different way to you doesn’t mean that they should have to change to be more like you or you like them. Being in a relationship with someone isn’t about trying to make them fit in with your expectations, it’s about finding a compromise that works for you both.
If you want your relationship to work, but you’re just tired of your partner’s constant chatter, then finding a compromise and a way of living together harmoniously is exactly what you need to do.
Be honest with each other about what’s working for you and what isn’t, then face your problems as a team.
Your partner can learn to back off a little and give you some space, just as easily as you can try giving them your undivided attention more often. It’s not down to just one partner to fix.
If you want your relationship to grow stronger, then the both of you have to take accountability for what you need to work on as individuals so you can be happier as a pair.
If you want your relationship to work, you can find a way. You just have to respect each other’s differences and learn how to bridge the gap so you can live happily together.
Still not sure how to deal with your partner’s excessive talking in a way that doesn’t hurt them too much?
Speak to an experienced relationship expert about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through in their relationships without ever being able to resolve the issues that affect them. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
