Are you being love-bombed?
In the early throes of dating, and during those initial weeks of a relationship, there are certain signs to be aware of that might indicate the other person is trying to manipulate your feelings.
The broad term used to describe a variety of behaviors is ‘love bombing,’ and by understanding what it is, you will be better equipped to spot a manipulative predator before they can truly lure you into their trap.
1. You will feel a sense of confusion over your feelings.
Confusion occurs because of the sheer amount of communication: ceaseless texting, frequent phone calls, interaction on social media, and a strong wish to meet in person as often as possible.
It’s a bombardment that is designed to convince you of the unique and special bond you have with the abuser.
You will start to believe that this is something special, something good, a romance like you see in the movies—a whirlwind of excitement, both exhilarating and terrifying.
2. They will flatter you relentlessly.
Flattery is present in all courtship, but in the case of love bombing, it transcends to a whole other level. Every communication must include multiple compliments to seduce you and provide an almost irresistible feel-good factor.
When you constantly hear how beautiful, wonderful, and perfect the other party thinks you are, it gives your ego a real boost that only serves to cement your attraction to the abuser.
3. You might start to feel dependent on them.
The love bomber will introduce dependency after just a few weeks of dating. They will proclaim how sure they are of the relationship, how much they enjoy spending time with you, and even how they are falling in love with you.
They will push you on your feelings to have you reciprocate declarations of love and affection. They do this to further confuse you about how you truly feel.
They suck up so much of your time that you feel isolated from friends and family, meaning the only source of warmth and love available to you comes from your new partner.
4. They will introduce the “it’s destiny” narrative.
Using phrases such as “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” and “I can’t believe we found each other,” they paint a picture that this was meant to be.
Confused by it all, you may take these statements at face value until you also begin to believe that your meeting was fate. You simply cannot relate your current experience to anything from the past—this must mean it’s love, right? What else could it be?
5. Their gift-giving will be excessive.
The frequency of gifts is extreme, with presents not only being given at every in-person rendezvous, but also sent to your home or place of work.
The gifts are often more expensive and elaborate than is usual during the initial stages of a relationship. Huge bouquets of flowers, jewelry, even plane tickets.
Aside from flattery, this gift-giving adds to the confusion you feel because the gifts may convince you that the abuser is the real deal, a great person and partner, perhaps even ‘the one.’
6. They will lure you in using ‘future faking.’
Future faking is where a person offers detailed visions of what a future together might look like. This might include discussions of all the great places they’re going to take you—exotic beach resorts, romantic city getaways, incredible restaurants, the lot. They might also tell you about all their friends or family members they want to introduce you to.
The aim of future faking is to convince you about their commitment to you. It’s all part of the show and act that convinces you that this must be destiny.
7. They will shower you with non-stop compliments.
Compliments in this context are not only incredibly frequent, they are over-the-top in their praise of you. They are designed to put you high up on a pedestal; to inflate your self-esteem and make you feel nothing but positivity toward the manipulator.
You might hear:
“Damn, you are a perfect ten, no question about it!”
“You are by far and away the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met.”
“I could honestly stare into your eyes all day long. They are utterly beautiful.”
“There ain’t nothing you don’t look hot in.”
“I’ve never met anyone quite like you before.”
8. The personal sharing will be intensely one-sided (by you).
A manipulative person will want to know as much as they can about you in order to use that information for their own gain. They want to know how best to press your buttons; how to elicit an emotional response using things from your past.
You may feel truly heard, more so than with most other people you have dated, but you won’t realize why. The manipulator will dig for important nuggets of information by asking probing questions and getting you to open up, even beyond what you might be comfortable talking about.
9. They will push your boundaries hard.
A manipulator won’t pay much attention to your boundaries. They will continually disrespect them or get very upset when you try to assert or reassert those boundaries.
They will have excuses as to why you should drop your boundaries and accept their behavior or requests. They will make you feel guilty for resisting by making comments such as, “You would be okay with this if you really cared about me,” or, “This is what’s meant to happen when two people are as perfect for each other as we are.”
10. They will refuse to slow down.
If you make any attempts to slow the relationship down, the abuser will resist. They will insist on seeing you physically as often as possible—often most days a week. And if you are more reserved with your texting, they will simply send more messages to force the conversation or call you out of the blue.
The manipulator will insist on reaching ever bigger milestones as soon as possible, such as meeting your friends, going on vacation together, or even moving in together. Even marriage proposals are not out of the question.
11. Their emotional expression will eventually become inconsistent.
This sign comes a little later on in the love bombing process when you have been well and truly lured into the relationship. All of a sudden, where there was once only adoration, compliments, and kindness, there is now irritation, anger, coldness, and scorn among other things.
The relationship is likely to settle into a pattern of periods of love bombing (which become shorter over time) followed by periods of abuse or indifference (which get longer).
