Why do some people get off on putting others down?
Some people like to have a little dig at others whenever they can.
They belittle them, they make fun of them, and they put them down.
If you are on the receiving end of this type of behavior, it can really hurt your feelings.
So, you may be wondering, why do they do it?
What makes people put others down?
That’s what we’re going to explore.
1. To make themselves feel better.
As backwards as it may sound, these people feel better about themselves by making others feel worse.
They will typically have low self-esteem, and their misguided way of boosting it is to take aim at another person.
Even though they, themselves, are insecure, a common technique they’ll use is to pinpoint the insecurities of others.
Their ego will get temporary relief from its own pain by inflicting hurt upon someone else.
Of course, this relief does not last long, and so the perpetrator is always on the lookout for ways to put people down.
2. They are jealous.
Given their low self-esteem, it aggrieves them to see someone else doing well, in any sense of the word.
Their jealousy causes them to lash out. Their aim is to bring the other person down to their level by belittling their successes or happiness.
Yes, it’s spiteful, but it’s the only way they know how to approach those people who have what they want.
The underlying message is: “If I can’t feel good about myself, neither can you.”
3. To make themselves feel important.
Nobody likes to feel small or insignificant. But some people use put downs to give themselves greater importance.
This is often as part of a group or in a hierarchy where they believe that attacking someone else gives their own standing a boost.
What these people don’t realize is that, whilst this approach might work to a small extent in some cut-throat business arenas, it often has the opposite effect in general life.
4. To make other people like them.
Making someone the butt of a well-considered joke amongst a group of friends can make everyone laugh.
However, some people take this approach in other situations, thinking that it will help others feel more positively toward them.
It won’t.
These people really care what others think of them, but even if they generate some smiles or chuckles at the expense of their victim, the underlying feeling will often be that of awkwardness.
5. To get attention.
Some people feel a little lost when people aren’t paying attention to them. And so they make fun of others in order to get the attention they desire.
Despite the previous point, it’s not unusual for attention-seekers to be almost as happy with negative attention as they are with positive attention.
Any attention makes them feel noticed and gives people a reason to interact with them.
6. To feel in control.
Putting someone else down provides a level of control, and this can make it extremely tempting.
Some people have grown up feeling very little control over their lives, often due to childhood difficulties or trauma.
Many bullies, for instance, either have been or are being bullied themselves and so to get that sense of control back, they “punch down” to someone they perceive as weaker.
7. They are using displacement as a defense mechanism.
The bully in the previous point is an example of someone using the psychological strategy of displacement to deal with their negative emotions.
Essentially, displacement involves taking a hostile emotion from one situation and transferring it to another.
A person may, for example, take their stress, anxiety, or anger from one part of their life and find an outlet for it by knocking others down.
This is an unhealthy and destructive way to deal with one’s own difficult feelings.
8. To weaken the resolve of another person with a view to manipulating them.
This could be the malignant narcissist who simply wants to destroy his victim’s self-esteem in order to control them.
It could also be a person seeking to guilt trip someone into doing what they want them to do.
Putting others down and belittling them can weaken their self-belief and assertiveness, making them easier to influence.
9. They have a negative outlook on life.
Some people seem to live with crippling negativity that affects the way they view everything they come in contact with.
They are, pessimistic, cynical, and utterly disparaging of anyone else’s positivity.
Putting others down is almost second nature to them. It’s an automatic response to anything remotely cheerful.
If you share good news with such a person or seek some words of encouragement, you are likely to receive the polar opposite.
10. They have low social and emotional intelligence.
Some people struggle to grasp many social norms. They do things that most others simply know not to do.
Neither do they have the emotional intelligence to understand that their actions directly affect how other people feel.
Mocking, making fun, and putting others down is something they do because they don’t receive the usual alarms in their mind that tell them what they are doing is not okay.
Often they can’t understand why the target of their mockery is so offended.
11. They fall foul of stereotypes.
They might allow their preconceived notions of who a person is to taint their behavior toward them.
For example, a person who relies on state welfare handouts to get by might be judged, by some, as being lazy, unintelligent, and lacking in ambition.
It doesn’t matter how far from the truth these things are, some people might express such unkind thoughts openly.
12. They are unwilling to listen to an opposing point of view.
When a person holds a particularly strong stance on a topic, they are unlikely to be open to different points of view.
Some people can handle such disagreements in a mature manner, but others will seek to tear down the views and opinions that go against their own.
This can lead to attacks on the views themselves and put downs of the person who holds them.
Phrases such as, “You’re so naive,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “I can’t believe you really think that,” are all forms of belittling.
13. They don’t know how to communicate properly.
Some people may resort to making fun of others because they don’t know how to effectively communicate their true thoughts and feelings.
They either feel unable to express themselves, or they simply cannot find the right words to say what they want to say.
So, to avoid having to try, they use mockery and put downs as a means of distraction and to prevent any heartfelt conversations from taking place.
How should you deal with people who put you down?
Now that you know why someone might choose to belittle you, make fun of you, or put you down, what should you do about it?
Read our 11 effective tips to best handle situations where someone is putting you down.
