These signs indicate your relationship doesn’t have a future.
Here are some of the most common signs that you and your partner aren’t as synchronized as you thought you were and that your relationship is probably on its last legs.
1. You have different expectations about the relationship.
This one usually comes up early in a relationship, but it can arise at any time.
Often, it arises when one partner suddenly realizes the other partner doesn’t have the same emotional investment or commitment that they do.
Whilst it’s difficult to discover this at any stage in a relationship, it can be devastating if you’ve been together for years and suddenly realize you’re not on the same page as far as your connection or future is concerned.
For example, let’s say you and your partner get along great and have never argued. One of you brings up that an amazing house is for sale nearby and maybe you should look at buying it together, and the other balks at the mere prospect of that kind of commitment.
Suddenly you realize that one of you thinks you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, while the other is simply enjoying a friends-with-benefits situation that they could walk away from at any time and never look back.
The, “But I thought we were a committed couple?!” chat may bring up other horrors, like discovering that one of you thought you were in a monogamous partnership en route to marriage, while the other has been sleeping with other people the whole time.
It’s a drastic example, but it’s certainly not unheard of to discover you’re on different pages about commitment when big decisions like this crop up.
2. Your goals are no longer in alignment.
When the two of you got together, you may have had grandiose ideas about the future.
Perhaps you’re both animal lovers and dreamed of buying some acreage and transforming it into an animal sanctuary. Or maybe you’re both travel junkies and planned to relocate abroad to live and work permanently.
Then one of you decides this goal doesn’t align with their interests anymore and they’d rather do something else instead. Or some type of challenge arises for one of you which means you can’t pursue that path together anymore.
If your relationship was established on a foundation of shared dreams, you may find that you suddenly feel lost and uncertain about your future together once those goals are no longer in alignment.
Alternatively, you may have discovered that one of you was serious about the goals while the other was only musing about them theoretically.
This can be hugely disappointing on both sides because each person assumed that the other one felt the same way about the goal that they did.
3. You’ve developed different values.
People grow and evolve as they go through life, and this often involves developing different values and priorities over time.
You likely know people who suddenly took up a vegan or Paleo diet overnight, for example. Alternatively, they may have converted to a different religion than the one they were raised with or switched from being religious to atheist (or vice versa).
When these changes occur, partners who previously shared a perfectly harmonious relationship may find themselves suddenly at odds.
For example, let’s say a religiously observant couple regularly attended services together and looked forward to certain holiday celebrations, but now one’s an atheist and isn’t interested in doing any of that anymore.
This can create a massive rift where before there was nothing but harmony.
Similarly, a couple that once enjoyed cooking elaborate meals together may no longer be able to do so because one of them is now militant about the ingredients they will and won’t consume.
This can be exacerbated if they become so zealous about it that they lecture the other partner about how unhealthy or unethical their choices are, and try to pressure them into adhering to the same diet they’ve chosen.
Differences like this can contribute to severe friction in a relationship.
4. Your lifestyle preferences are no longer compatible.
This often happens if you met your partner when you were a lot younger or got together when you were in a very different environment to the one you’re in now.
For example, if the two of you got together when you were in college, you likely had a limited budget and made do with what you could. This may have involved using milk crates as shelves, using the furniture you found on the curb on garbage day, etc.
Back then, you may have been content to live on ramen noodles and beer and spend your weekends getting high on the couch while watching cartoons.
Whilst this may have suited you both just fine at that age, problems arise when one partner is perfectly happy to remain in that lifestyle while the other would prefer to have more than one set of sheets and some matching cutlery.
This isn’t a question of maturity. People can be wholly mature and completely content with a simple life and few material possessions. However, it can be problematic when one partner no longer feels comfortable with the same lifestyle parameters as the other.
Similar situations occur if the couple has been ‘couch potato-y’ for years, and then one partner decides that they want to get super fit and healthy, but the other doesn’t.
When partners change in this way, they don’t have much in common anymore, and may even become contemptuous of each other’s lifestyle differences.
5. Your views on family have changed.
You may have been on the same page about family planning and priorities when you first got together, but your views can change drastically over time.
This often happens when people experience some kind of trauma that makes them rethink their stances on things that they were previously firm about.
For example, a person who was dead-set on not having children when they were in their 20s may change their mind after experiencing a life-changing event.
Suddenly they may really want to know what it’s like to be a parent and experience the world through the eyes of a child.
Alternatively, someone who had previously been dead-set on having a large family might change their mind in light of challenging world events or personal obstacles.
If this happens, the life plans and goals the two of you had decided on together are now in contention, and it’s a very difficult situation to navigate.
6. Your love languages are too different.
Believe it or not, having differing love languages has caused more strife between partners than you can imagine.
People who don’t speak the same love language can feel unappreciated and unloved by those they care most about because their efforts and expressions aren’t seen, let alone reciprocated.
For example, your partner may tell you that they feel unloved because you never tell them how much you care about them, yet in your mind, you show them your love in a thousand different ways every single day.
They associate loving behavior with verbal expression while you communicate your love through acts of service, so neither of you sees or understands what the other is putting forth.
It’s difficult to move forward together or even understand what the other person is trying to tell you when you literally don’t speak the same language.
It’s a tower of Babel situation in your own home and is going to take continued effort to overcome.
7. You’re perpetually disappointed.
It’s both disheartening and damaging to a relationship if one person always does what’s asked of them, and the other perpetually drops the ball.
The one who’s always responsible, keeping their word and commitment in every situation will inevitably end up feeling let down and disappointed when their partner doesn’t show the same dedication and diligence as they do.
Things get even more tense if the assigned task or goal is completely achievable, but hasn’t been done due to neglect, self-involvement, or misguided priorities.
If it’s your partner’s week to cook dinner because you’re working late, and you come home hungry only to find they haven’t prepared anything because reorganizing their collectible cabinet was more important, it’s going to be a problem.
8. You’ve simply grown apart.
Many things in life have expiry dates, and relationships are no exception.
If you find that things just don’t feel the same between you anymore, your relationship may simply be coming to its natural end.
Some signs that you’re growing apart may include:
- Choosing to spend more time alone than together.
- Eating alone or at different times rather than together.
- Not attending any events or family gatherings as a couple.
- Having nothing to talk about (nor having any interest in each other’s lives).
- Politely tolerating one another rather than enjoying each other’s company.
It’s important to note that experiencing some or most of these things doesn’t necessarily spell the death of your relationship. Life can ebb and flow over time, and you may just be going through an ebb right now—either as individuals or as a couple.
It’s possible that you can overcome these issues together if you can figure out where they’re stemming from, and work as a team to move forward through them.
If one of you is seeing ebb and the other is seeing the end, it may be that you can’t move forward. But the tips below will at least give you the best shot at trying.
