Is your partner neglecting you emotionally?
Human beings have complex emotional needs, and when we’re in a relationship with someone, it’s very important for those needs to be met.
Emotional neglect can be tricky to identify in a relationship or marriage, but it can also be very damaging.
We can all feel like our emotional needs are neglected now and again, but it becomes a significant problem when it happens consistently.
Not only can it take its toll on your relationship, it can damage your self-esteem.
Here are some of the biggest signs of emotional neglect to look for in your relationship
1. The focus is always on them.
Their life and their needs are always the center of attention. Your achievements or bad days go unacknowledged, but they expect you to celebrate or commiserate with them.
They’re the center of their own world, and you feel like a side show.
2. They aren’t the first person you want to tell.
You get some good news or some bad news and your first instinct is to tell… your best friend, or your mother, or your brother, or whoever it is.
Your partner or spouse isn’t the first person you want to tell, because you know you won’t get the reaction you’re hoping for or the support you need.
3. You feel like you’re on your own in the relationship.
Your overwhelming feeling is that there’s actually only one of you in this relationship. That they’re not really present at all.
You don’t feel like you have their support or like they’re committed to making the relationship or marriage work.
You can’t shake the feeling of being lonely, even when they’re right next to you.
4. They shut down when you try to talk to them.
If you try to talk to them about any issues in your relationship, they just close off.
They shut down, flat out ignore you, or even leave the room when you try to discuss any issues, or your future together.
They don’t engage in arguments with you, as that would just be too much like hard work and would mean the two of you would then have to resolve the conflict.
5. They give you the silent treatment.
When they’re angry with you, they don’t shout at you or tell you what you’ve done wrong. That would mean putting too much effort into the relationship.
They’d rather just give you the silent treatment and let you suffer, wondering exactly what it is that’s upset them.
6. You have no idea what they want from you.
You’re not sure what they want out of the relationship or from you. You don’t know what they expect from you or why they’re with you.
You feel like you’re at sea without so much as a lighthouse to let you know where the rocks are.
7. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low.
You’re starting to feel down on yourself.
Your partner’s lack of interest in you is taking its toll, as you’re starting to feel like you’re unworthy of their love and attention. Or, for that matter, anyone else’s love or attention.
8. You’re suppressing your feelings.
The message you’re getting from your partner or spouse is that your feelings aren’t worth paying any attention to and are insignificant, so you’re starting to believe that.
You don’t even take them seriously yourself, pushing them down and passing them off as inconsequential or petty.
9. They don’t spend time with you.
They don’t prioritize spending time with you, and sometimes it feels like they actively avoid it.
They’re always busy with one thing or another, and quality time together is few and far between.
You never have long, lingering phone calls just passing the time of day. They keep conversations brief.
10. You feel like you can’t be yourself with them.
You can’t relax and unwind around your partner, because you just don’t feel comfortable around them.
You know they don’t really love you for who you are, and you’ve learned that they don’t take your emotions seriously.
So, you now just hide them away and just tell them what they want to hear.
11. They don’t make an effort with your friends or family.
They don’t make the effort to connect with you on an emotional level, and they certainly aren’t going above and beyond to connect with the people who are most important to you.
They’ve made it clear that they’re not interested in spending time with your friends or family. And, when they are with them, they don’t engage them in conversation or try to get to know them better.
12. They forget important dates.
If they’re not emotionally involved in the relationship or marriage, they probably don’t place any emotional importance on the dates that most couples celebrate together, or at least acknowledge.
They might forget your birthday, your anniversary, or never remember the date that someone important to you passed away.
That can be very hurtful and mean you feel unimportant or like your joy or pain isn’t worth taking seriously.
13. They put off taking steps forward.
You want your relationship to move forward, making plans for the future, going on adventures together, or even having children.
But they find ways to procrastinate and put it off. They tell you it’s not the right time, but they don’t offer you any reasons why.
They can’t understand your need to talk about, make plans for, and build a shared future.
14. You always solve problems single-handedly.
You’ve learned that there’s no point turning to your partner or spouse for help or support when things get tough, so by now you just automatically sort it out on your own.
You know that you’re on your own when it comes to sorting out all your problems, big and small.
You’ve developed some solid coping mechanisms that don’t involve asking your partner for their opinion.
