Are you the family scapegoat?
There are usually specific signs and patterns that scapegoating will follow. The ones listed below may seem familiar to you, or you may have experienced variations on the theme.
1. You get blamed for everything that goes wrong.
If a bill wasn’t paid on time, then it was because you distracted someone while they were trying to do it. If something goes bad in the fridge, it’s because you don’t cook enough.
Some narcissist mothers even blame their children for their own natural aging process (i.e. if their offspring hadn’t been born, they’d still be in their prime).
2. Your abuser projects their own behaviors onto you.
They might scream at you, and then get upset with you for “raising your voice.” Or they’ll do something completely self-absorbed, but berate you for being selfish.
The abuser could be cramming fistfuls of mayonnaise into their mouth, but call you a glutton in between swallows.
3. The verbal abuse never stops.
If you dare to sit down for a moment after doing several hours’ worth of chores, then you’re lazy and useless. You only got a 95% on your test instead of 100%? Then you’re stupid too.
4. Your successes and achievements are downplayed.
You may be mocked for achieving something, or your successes may not be acknowledged at all.
The abuser(s) may even purposely undermine or sabotage your success, and then turn it around on you. For example, they might have missed your college graduation ceremony, and then insisted it was your fault for not telling them the right date/time.
5. The abuse is ignored by others.
Other family members may see that you’re the one being abused the most, and choose to look away or downplay what’s going on.
After all, if you’re the one being abused, then they’re safe for the time being. Some might even join in during bullying sessions to try to endear themselves to your tormentor.
6. The abuse might go beyond the family.
Your abuser may encourage friends of the family etc. to pick on you as well. They’ll tell them lies about you, mock you in front of them, and make it seem absolutely okay for everyone to join in and torment you.
And if you try to defend yourself, then you’re obviously just being oversensitive and dramatic.
7. You often play the role of savior.
Regardless of how much you’re abused, you’re also inevitably the one everyone goes crying to whenever there’s a crisis.
This is because you’re the most capable, and they know it. So they’ll beg for your help as needed, then turn around and treat you like crap again as soon as the crisis has passed.
8. The abuse manifests in your well-being.
Sadly, many people don’t even recognize that they’re a scapegoat for years. For them, this is the only type of family life they’ve ever known. They internalize the stress, end up with anxiety, depression and/or eating disorders, and just muddle through as best they can.
Others shut down emotionally so they can handle what they’re going through. They numb out and don’t feel much of anything. As you can imagine, this ends up causing problems for their own relationship dynamics as they get older.
To find out how to deal with and respond to being the family scapegoat, click here to read the complete article.
