What makes someone cheat on their partner?
If you’ve ever been cheated on, you’ve probably spent hours agonizing over the ‘why.’
You try to figure out why they did it. What went wrong? Was it about them? Or was it something you did?
If you’ve ever been in this situation, you probably flipped between blaming them and blaming yourself…
…but, chances are, you never came to a satisfactory conclusion about the whole thing.
So, why do people cheat? Let’s look at the reasons.
1. They fall out of love with their partner.
One of the most basic reasons why someone cheats is because they simply don’t love the person they’re with anymore.
They might still be very fond of them and care for them, but they’re no longer feeling romantic love, and start to look for it elsewhere.
2. They fall in love with someone else.
On the flip side, it might not necessarily be that they fall out of love with their existing partner, but that they fall in love with someone else.
If they’ve been physically unfaithful, it might have been driven by having fallen in love, not just lust.
3. They want variety.
Infidelity can be motivated by a desire for variety. Some people find it hard to explore their bedroom desires in a monogamous relationship.
They may not know how to express what they want to their partner or simply not be satisfied with just one partner, and so are driven to look elsewhere.
4. They’re bored.
If someone’s unfaithful, it might be down to nothing more than boredom. They’re bored, and looking for entertainment that they don’t feel their partner can give them.
5. They want revenge.
Cheating can sometimes be motivated by revenge.
If a partner has cheated in the past, whether emotionally or physically, the other person in the relationship might decide that, to punish them, they’re going to give them a taste of their own medicine, to see how they like it.
6. They’re looking for an ego boost.
After a long time in a monogamous relationship, some people’s self-esteem can start to suffer.
They no longer get the validation from multiple members of their preferred gender that they had been used to.
They might not feel like their partner is still attracted to them in the way they were, so they start to doubt their attractiveness.
This is particularly common as people enter their forties and fifties and want to know if they could still attract someone, or if they’ve lost their touch.
7. They’re not satisfied in the bedroom.
If someone’s in a relationship in which their physical needs aren’t being met for an extended period of time, they might look elsewhere to get them satisfied.
8. They’re not satisfied emotionally.
It might not be the lack of romantic action in their relationship which is the problem.
They might be feeling neglected emotionally, like their partner doesn’t pay them enough attention, listen to them, or value them.
They might end up being unfaithful, but what they’re really looking for is an emotional connection with someone.
9. An opportunity presents itself.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as having the opportunity to be unfaithful placed squarely in front of them.
A person who would never actively look for opportunities to cheat on their partner might not have the willpower to resist when the chance to be with someone else is presented to them.
Examples of this might be someone running into an old flame or being propositioned in a bar. They would never have gone out in search of that old lover or hit on someone in a bar, but when it’s offered to them on a plate, they don’t know how to say no.
10. Clear lines were never drawn.
It might be that clear lines were never drawn in the sand at the beginning of a relationship.
If you don’t talk about exactly what being in a monogamous, exclusive relationship means to you when you first get into one, there’s always the risk that the two of you might have different ideas about what cheating actually means.
For example, one of you might think flirting, hugging, or even kissing is totally acceptable, and the other might think that even smiling at an attractive member of the opposite gender isn’t okay.
It’s important to talk about these things when you get into a relationship and that you both understand exactly where the line is, so you know when you’ve crossed it.
11. They want a way out of the relationship.
Sad as it is, some people turn to cheating when they want to end a relationship, but they just don’t know how to do it.
Their cheating gives them a reason to leave a relationship, even though it will be far more painful for their partner than if they were to be honest and break up with them.
12. They’re scared of commitment.
Again, cheating can be a very effective way to sabotage a relationship.
If someone’s scared of the way things are going with a partner and don’t know how to put the breaks on, they might be tempted to cheat so that they don’t have to confront their commitment issues.
13. They feel insecure in the relationship.
Sometimes, part of the reason why people cheat is that they don’t feel secure in their partner’s love.
They’re worried that their partner doesn’t love them, or will abandon them, so they turn to someone else for comfort.
14. They haven’t thought it through.
Most people that cheat don’t take the time to truly contemplate the potential consequences before they do it.
If they’d realized just how much hurt they’d cause before they’d done it, they may well have had second thoughts.
