What makes your partner seek attention outside the relationship?
Should you be worried when your partner is seeking attention from others while in a relationship with you?
Is it okay if they’re only seeking attention on social media?
Are they micro-cheating by flirting with other people to get their attention, and would they really cheat on you to get that attention?
Here’s a list of possible reasons why your partner is addicted to attention.
1. Bad past experiences or unresolved trauma.
The need for attention might be a simple coping mechanism. Your partner probably didn’t get enough attention from someone very important to them, such as a parent or a previous lover.
Whether this goes back to their childhood, or only their past relationship, it will take time to heal from this rejection in order to stop seeking attention and validation.
You should help your partner open up to you about this, as well as suggest that they speak to a therapist.
You shouldn’t be the one to suffer the consequences of a past that you weren’t a part of. With effort, your partner can heal from trauma.
2. Insecurity and low self-esteem.
An attention seeker is likely in desperate need of an ego boost due to their low self-esteem. They lack confidence and they gain it by receiving attention and compliments from others.
They spend a lot of time taking care of their appearance, and they fish for compliments because they’re insecure and need external validation.
Sounds simple enough, but solving this problem, again, requires the help of a therapist.
However, if you are in an otherwise loving relationship and can trust your partner, you might want to accept them the way they are.
With effort, they can increase their confidence and learn to love themselves.
But are they willing to do that, and are you willing to wait for it to happen? Could you love them if they don’t ever change?
There’s no wrong answer to this; you should always trust your gut.
3. Feeling threatened and jealous.
People who are addicted to attention associate attention with affection, or at least see it as an equally valuable resource.
This is why they get jealous when there’s a possibility of someone else drawing your attention away from them. When this happens, they might resort to creating drama to draw the focus back on them.
If you don’t understand their jealous outbursts, try to see attention as affection and a valuable resource. It might be the way your partner sees things, which could explain why they feel threatened by other people in your life.
They might even be jealous of people that you are definitely not attracted to, just because you give them your attention.
On the flip side, they may flirt and expect you to be okay with it, which sounds a lot like a double standard in your relationship.
4. Loneliness and fear of being alone.
An unhealthy need for attention can be shown through seeking attention on social media as well as seeking attention from others while in a relationship.
These attempts to get attention usually happen when a person is feeling lonely and/or fears being alone.
They will do anything to draw focus onto themselves and gain other people’s attention. It’s like they believe that they don’t exist unless they are being noticed.
The fear of being alone is often what keeps them committed and loyal in a relationship, even though they often get close to crossing the line with flirtatious behavior.
5. Anxiety.
A person with anxiety might struggle to be alone and may suffer an anxiety attack when they are.
They will be anxious about not getting enough attention, so they’ll throw a tantrum or seek it in a more adult way—by flirting with other people.
They might create problems out of peaceful situations or get into arguments just for the sake of getting their needs met.
This could all be due to the anxiety that they feel when they don’t get enough attention, and they need more of it than one person could give.
6. Fixation on drama.
An attention-seeking person will often cause drama to attract attention. In fact, they will search for drama in every situation instead of focusing on the bright side. And if there is no drama, they’ll create it or cause it themselves.
This fixation on drama is unhealthy, but it’s often displayed in relationships with partners who are addicted to attention.
Drama attracts attention, and your partner might have learned this at a very young age. Unlearning it will be difficult and take time.
7. Narcissistic personality disorder.
Your partner might have a very manipulative personality if they have a narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists often fish for compliments and seek constant attention and external validation. They consider themselves entitled, and more important than others. They lack empathy, but can’t handle being criticized.
If your partner is a narcissist, you might have a bigger problem on your hands than their need for attention— they will never love you as much as they love themselves.
You will always be the sidekick while they’re the hero, and there won’t be balance in your relationship.
8. Borderline personality disorder.
People with borderline personality disorders tend to dread ending up alone. They feel empty and often believe that their needs aren’t being met.
Usually, they also care a lot about what other people think and read into other people’s behaviors even though there are no hidden messages.
When they do this, they often conclude that they are being judged. Due to their low self-esteem and all the problems that come with having borderline personality disorder, they seek constant attention.
Professional treatment can help with this mental health problem.
9. Histrionic personality disorder.
If your partner seeks attention by flirting, they may have Histrionic personality disorder.
Someone who has this personality disorder experiences and exhibits emotional behavior which can be very intense. They lack impulse control and always seek instant gratification to get a temporary feeling of satisfaction.
If your partner seeks attention from others because they have a histrionic personality disorder, the odds that they’ll cheat on you are increased.
10. Mental health conditions such as ADHD and bipolar disorder.
Other mental health issues could cause a constant need for attention, including ADHD and bipolar disorder.
Before concluding that your partner is doing this because they are bored or unhappy with you, consider the possibility that this is a part of their personality that they’ll need to work on with a therapist.
You know your partner best, so is it likely that they have a personality disorder or some mental health issues?
11. They are unsure about the relationship.
The reason your partner needs constant attention from men or women outside of your relationship might be that they are simply unsure about your relationship.
They could be bored, which is especially likely if you have been together for a long time and this behavior is new, rather than being a recurring part of their personality.
It could also be possible that you’re not giving them enough attention or that they don’t feel a connection with you anymore.
