Are you being suffocated in your relationship?
Does your partner think that you somehow belong to them just because you’re in a relationship? This should worry you. While it might sound romantic, it’s unhealthy.
Wondering what red flags matter most? Possessive people tend to show the following signs.
1. They have jealous outbursts.
Sure, a small dose of jealousy is normal in romantic relationships, but your partner is irrationally jealous.
It bothers them when you talk to other people of your preferred gender, even if you’re not flirting with them.
They are jealous of the attention that you give to others, even to your friends and family. This is because they want you all to themselves and crave all your attention.
They will freak out when you go out with your friends or when an attractive coworker sends you a work-related message.
The tiniest things you do will make them think that you’ll cheat on them or that you already are cheating. Even when you’re just being friendly and polite, they’ll accuse you of flirting.
Your partner might also forbid you from having friends of the opposite (or preferred) gender. Even if they don’t forbid you from seeing these people, it will bother them that you’re friends with them.
In their head, everyone wants to sleep with you, and they have to keep you away from the world to have you all to themselves.
2. They move too fast in a relationship.
Did they use the L word on the third date and start talking about living together after only a week of dating? Possessive people tend to move too fast in a relationship.
So, they’ll very quickly say they love you and get comfortable in the relationship.
They might also love bomb you by making grand romantic gestures while you still don’t know each other that well. Sounds romantic, but are they really in love after only knowing you for a little while?
Your partner probably thinks that their possessive behavior is just an act of love, but what they’re feeling is not love. It’s the fear of losing you.
They rush to get a commitment so that they won’t lose you. They’re thirsty for your attention, and they would do anything to get it, but out of possessiveness, not out of love.
3. They constantly check up on you.
It’s like your partner has to know what you’re doing every second of every day. They frequently check up on you through messages, but they also show up unannounced to see what you’re up to.
They will pop up on your doorstep, at your workplace, or at your favorite coffee shop. To them, these unannounced visits seem romantic, but they’re actually just making sure that you are honest and faithful.
They might come carrying excuses. So, they’ll come to your office to bring you coffee when what they really want is to check out your new assistant.
Similarly, they will show up at your place to make sure that you’re home alone like you said, but they’ll bring a bottle of wine as an excuse.
4. They don’t give you enough space.
Be honest, is your partner smothering you? Do you feel like you need some room to breathe and crave alone time?
A possessive partner will never give you enough space. They’ll want to spend all their free time with you and text you constantly when you’re not together.
They will be jealous of your friends when you choose to spend time with them instead. When you just need to be alone to relax, they will ask why you can’t do that with them.
They’ll want to be with you when you’re chilling out, hanging out with friends, or even working.
Most importantly, they won’t understand why that’s a problem. According to them, it’s just a sign of love, but really it’s just possessive behavior.
5. They must know your whereabouts.
Where are you, and who are you with? You’re asked this question on a daily basis.
Your partner even keeps track of your schedule to know what you’re doing every second of every day.
When you don’t want to share these details with them, they will accuse you of hiding something from them or cheating.
They’ll keep texting you to know who you’re with when you go out with friends, and they will freak out if you don’t respond.
Will there be other women/men there? You get this question asked a lot too. Your partner is constantly scared that someone might steal you away from them.
6. They don’t give you enough freedom.
When you want to go out with your friends, your partner will guilt you into staying home with them instead or convince you to bring them along with you.
They restrict your freedom in many other ways too. For instance, they make you unfollow certain people on social media because these people commented on your photos.
Your partner might even think they have the right to dictate who you can and can’t be friends with in real life too, not just on social media. They’ll insist they be included in all of your decision-making.
Basically, they will try to dictate what you can and can’t do and who you can and can’t see.
7. They text you too much.
Do they constantly text you when you’re not together? Possessive people will need your attention 24/7, and when they can’t get it in person, they will seek it through texting.
Your partner probably freaks out if you don’t respond right away or don’t answer their call as soon as your phone rings. They are paranoid and constantly afraid that you’re betraying them in some way.
In addition, they need your attention all the time, and they are jealous of anyone else who gets that attention instead of them. They will constantly text you when you’re out with friends, and you won’t even be able to enjoy your time out.
8. They stalk your social media.
Is your partner all over your social media?
Maybe they like every post and comment on every picture. Perhaps their social media profile is full of photos of you together and posts about you.
They will also keep track of your online activity and freak out if you comment on someone else’s post.
Your partner wants the whole world to know that you are with them, and social media is often their favored tool to achieve this.
However, they could also stalk your social media without leaving a trace of it. They won’t like or comment, but they will mention things that they’ve seen on your profiles when you talk in person.
9. They don’t have a lot of loved ones.
Possessive people usually don’t have a lot of friends. Your partner’s whole world revolves around you, partly because there’s no one else in your partner’s life.
They don’t have a life outside of the relationship, so they’re entirely focused on you and don’t want you to have one either.
Instead of finding friends, they’ll want to give all their attention to you, and they’ll ask for the same in return.
This is very unhealthy as you both need to have a life outside of the relationship for your relationship to work. However, possessive people see this as a form of micro cheating because you’re giving your attention to others and not just to your partner.
10. They try to isolate you from your friends.
If your partner is possessive, they will probably try to sabotage your other relationships. So, they’ll try to isolate you from your friends, starting with those they don’t approve of.
These will likely be friends of the opposite (or preferred) gender, but they’ll slowly make you distance yourself from other people in your life too.
A possessive person wants you all to themselves, and they’re jealous of the attention you give to others. Your partner might even try to isolate you from your family members for the same reason.
They probably don’t get along with your friends and family anyway, and your loved ones probably don’t support your relationship.
There is a reason for that.
11. They tell you what you can’t wear.
No one should dictate what you can and cannot wear, but your partner thinks they have a right to do this.
They will disapprove of clothes that might attract the attention of other people. This is because they are jealous and deeply insecure.
They fear that someone might steal you away from them just because you look hot. So, they don’t want you to show off your best features. They will want you to look great for their eyes only.
When you’re going out without them, they’ll want you to hide everything that would make others think that you’re attractive.
This is all because of their self-esteem issues, and while it’s okay to ask your partner about your outfit, they shouldn’t dictate what you wear.
12. They prevent you from reaching your goals.
A healthy relationship inspires growth. Possessive partners sabotage your growth instead.
They will stand in your way when you want to achieve some of your goals such as traveling to another country or changing a career path.
Instead of supporting you and motivating you to become a better version of yourself, your partner will do the opposite. They will prevent you from working on yourself and achieving any kind of success. Again, this is because of their fear of losing you and the fear of change.
Your partner wants the two of you to stay the same as you are now and always stay just the two of you. It’s basically like you’re stranded on a desert island with them with no hope of ever leaving that place.
13. They accuse you of betraying them.
Do you constantly get accused of cheating on your partner or betraying them in another way even though you did nothing to deserve it?
That is basically what being in a relationship with a possessive partner looks like. They have trust issues, and they’ll constantly doubt your loyalty, no matter how hard you try to prove your devotion.
Maybe you sometimes forget to mention something, like that you have a new coworker. When they find out about this, they accuse you of keeping it a secret from them on purpose.
Are you cheating on them with this new coworker? This will be the first thing that will cross their mind even if you’ve barely met this new coworker and they don’t even work on your floor.
14. They have unrealistic expectations.
A possessive partner will have unrealistic expectations. For instance, they’ll want you to be available 24/7 and as soon as they need you. They’ll freak out if you don’t respond to their message right away or can’t see them in the moment.
They could also expect you to give all your attention to them and them only. Your partner might even think that’s what loyalty means. It’s just the two of you against the world. While this sounds romantic, it’s not the kind of situation that you want to find yourself in.
So, don’t try to live up to impossible standards and your partner’s definition of devotion.
15. They are offended when you ask for alone time.
What happens when you ask for some time away from them? They can’t understand your need for alone time.
To them, asking for alone time means that you’re either upset with them or thinking about breaking up. They don’t understand that you just need some time to relax on your own.
Your partner thinks that you could relax just the same if they were with you, so they can’t relate to the need for alone time. They get offended when you ask for alone time because to them it just means that you don’t want to spend time with them.
Your partner gets upset when you don’t devote all of your free time to them.
16. They always need to know what you’re thinking.
What’s on your mind? Are you thinking about ending the relationship?
A possessive partner is always afraid of losing you. So, they’re constantly worried that you might be thinking about ending the relationship.
This is one of the reasons they always want to know what you’re thinking. Are you thinking about someone else? This is also what worries them.
They want to be completely involved in your inner world to be able to control you better. Their irrational fears and jealousy cause them to always ask you what’s on your mind.
17. They blackmail you.
Ultimately, your possessive partner will blackmail you to get what they want.
If you loved me, you would/wouldn’t do that. This is just one example of emotional blackmail that your partner could use.
However, your partner could also blackmail you by threatening to reveal your secrets. If you told them something in confidence, they could use it against you in a fight or to get what they want.
A possessive person is usually also very manipulative and controlling. So, they will use blackmail and other manipulation techniques to keep you and get you to do what they want.
ld behavior after changing for only a short while.
