Why is he ignoring your feelings?
There’s no one reason that your husband might be dismissing your feelings—and there’s no one easy fix to get past it either. There are a whole heap of things that might be going on below the surface that are impacting his behavior.
It can be really disheartening when your husband disregards your feelings, and you’ve probably already spent a lot of time and energy trying to work out what’s causing this. To make things easier for you, we’ll run through the main reasons he could be ignoring your emotional needs, as well as what you can do to address each possible cause and move forward, either together or apart…
1. It’s just his personality.
It might seem like a lame excuse, and we’re not justifying his behavior, but some people are just naturally not that bothered by how other people feel. It’s likely that this behavior stretches to other people in his life, not just you, as this tends to be a personality trait for some people.
He might see himself as more important than those around him, or maybe he’s just naturally self-involved and can’t bring himself to consider those around him.
This is something that is unlikely to change, and you may have noticed some warning signs in the past. He might have some narcissistic tendencies, or he consistently acts as though he’s superior to those around him (including you).
Either way, the reason your husband doesn’t seem to care about your feelings could be because he’s just that kind of person.
2. He’s genuinely very busy.
Sometimes, no matter how much they love us, the people around us don’t have the emotional capacity or time to invest in us that we want them to. Unfortunately, this is all part of being human and in a relationship!
There are definitely some boundaries to this, and it’s important to have healthy expectations and standards.
It might be that your husband is going through a very busy time and doesn’t have the headspace or energy to commit to you right now (or for a while, if this is an ongoing issue). He might be really busy and distracted and unable to give you what you need at the moment. That might feel like he’s dismissing your feelings or avoiding you.
3. He’s not actually dismissing your feelings.
Without wishing to gaslight anybody reading this, a lot of people can overthink things or read into situations.
For example, when we’ve been mistreated by partners in the past, we’re more likely to then look for red flags or bad behavior—sometimes when it isn’t necessarily present.
It might feel like your husband is ignoring your feelings, but is this definitely what’s happening? Could you be bringing things up at a bad time? Is he dismissing you because he was in the middle of a stressful situation or he was running out the door? Perhaps you think you’ve communicated something in a way that warrants a certain response, but it’s been lost in translation?
Your husband may not be intentionally ignoring your feelings; it’s possible that he isn’t aware of them in the way that you think he should be. Nobody is a mind reader, so it could be a case of unrealistic expectations on your part. Equally, it could be very genuine and needs addressing!
4. He’s never had to before.
Something that can happen in new marriages, or relationships where things have changed (for example, a big move, new jobs, and so forth), is that expectations shift.
Maybe you didn’t really rely on your husband emotionally in the past, but now you want more support and acknowledgement of your feelings. This might be a big shift in expectations and can cause feelings of unfulfillment, resentment, or dismissal.
If your husband isn’t used to supporting you because you’ve not really asked or needed it before, it might feel like, when you actually want to rely on him emotionally, he’s not able to meet your needs.
5. He’s not aware of it.
Of course, there’s a chance that your husband has no idea that he’s not showing you enough affection or consideration. This could be for a number of reasons: he could be quite absent or oblivious in general, or he could just not really understand the nuances of what you’re asking for in terms of support.
He might be very used to the existing dynamic and hasn’t really considered changing his behavior because there’s never been a need to in the past. That might be because it’s just not come up before or because you’ve been waiting for him to take the initiative and realize he could be better at addressing your feelings.
Either way, it might have become a habit and he’s not realized there’s any need to change it because it’s gone unaddressed for so long.
6. He doesn’t respect you.
This is a harsh truth to face, but it could be the reason behind your husband ignoring your feelings.
Most relationships are built on a level of respect that sets the tone for all interactions. There usually has to be mutual respect in order for both people to feel valued and loved in the relationship.
If he’s being insensitive to your feelings, this might be because he’s actively not interested in hearing about them or supporting you. Him refusing to acknowledge your feelings is, in a sense, emotional neglect—he’s not actively participating in a mutually beneficial, healthy relationship.
It’s possible that he’s purposely trying to show you that he doesn’t respect you, or it might be an unconscious symptom of him not respecting you. Either way, you deserve more!
7. He’s no longer interested.
This isn’t a nice one to have to consider, but your husband might be ignoring or dismissing your feelings because he’s just not that bothered anymore. It’s horrible, but it can happen in longer-term relationships.
Over time, attraction and interest can fluctuate, which can sometimes mean that we stop putting as much effort into things, particularly those that can take up a lot of our energy, like taking people’s feelings into account or engaging in deeper conversations about big topics.
He might be shying away from this commitment because he no longer feels like he’s getting anything in return, or because he’s no longer interested in investing in the relationship.
8. He’s fallen out of love and feels guilty for pretending.
If your husband has begun to fall out of love with you, he may feel as though it’s disingenuous for him to act like he’s there to support your emotional needs when he’s already “checked out” of the relationship.
This could be leading to feelings of guilt and cause him to pull away from you. He might worry you’ll notice the change in his facial expressions when you talk to him, or he may be anxious that you’ll want to be intimate or tender with him after being emotionally vulnerable and discussing your feelings.
If his feelings for you are changing, this will likely make him very uncomfortable—he may not want to take advantage of you by continuing to sleep with you, for example. He might feel overwhelmed with guilt and be shutting you out as a result.
9. He’s selfish and doesn’t want to compromise.
Maybe your husband feels as though his time or energy is better spent elsewhere, such as on his own development or wellbeing. He might not be willing to give his time to something (or someone) that doesn’t directly benefit him.
This is often a narcissistic trait and may have presented itself in varying ways in the relationship so far. You might have noticed a stubbornness or resistance to change or compromise in the past. He might not always be open to ideas or to changing his behaviors.
10. He’s overwhelmed by his own feelings.
One of the reasons that people are unable to fulfil our emotional needs is that they’re too bogged down by their own feelings or lives.
When we’re married to someone, we want to feel equal—we want to be important to them and to be prioritized. So it can be really difficult to process when our partner is unable to support us in the ways we need.
This can often come down to them struggling to manage their own emotions. Your husband may be distracted by his own stresses or unwelcome feelings, and his energy and time could be going into addressing and alleviating those.
As such, he doesn’t have as much to give you as you might want, resulting in your needs feeling unaddressed or dismissed.
11. He takes you for granted.
If your husband is used to you getting on with things and him being the one whose needs are always expressed and addressed, there’s a strong chance he’s taking you for granted.
He might enjoy the fact that he gets what he wants without really having to put much effort in. Your husband is accustomed to the fact that he can “get away” with not really addressing your feelings, and he doesn’t feel the need for this to change because it would require more effort than he’s willing to give.
If he’s taking you for granted, he’s probably not bothering to ask many questions or have much input in conversations about important topics. He’s got a great set-up and hasn’t mentioned it for fear of things changing or him needing to contribute more to the relationship.
