Do you feel unwanted in your relationship?
There are many reasons why you might be feeling unwanted, unloved, undesitable, even. What follows is a list of the more common reasons.
1. You’re feeling insecure, jealous, or lonely.
Maybe, just maybe, you’re imagining this whole thing. This shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself; it should actually make you glad. If it’s all in your head, then your partner still wants you.
You might feel like they don’t want you anymore because of your insecurities. Maybe you believe that you’re not good enough for them to want you.
Perhaps you have body image issues, or you simply don’t love yourself the way you should.
Maybe you’re jealous of the attention your partner gives to other people of their preferred gender.
If your partner started paying more attention to someone else, you could feel unwanted because of it.
On the other hand, you could simply feel lonely in a relationship, or in general. Your partner doesn’t give you as much time as you’d like them to give you, so you feel unwanted by them.
2. You’re unhappy in the relationship.
Maybe it’s not about you. Instead, the two of you started to feel unhappy in the relationship. Granted, maybe just one of you feels this way. But, if one of you is unhappy, it’s hardly possible for the other to be happy.
You don’t laugh as you did before, you don’t have fun, and you don’t go on dates or spend quality time together. Maybe you’ve started fighting more often, and there’s a lot of drama and tension.
If things have gotten worse in your relationship, it’s only natural that you don’t feel desired by your partner.
They’ve started to pull back and seem disinterested in you and your relationship. Maybe you were happy before, but things have changed, and you can sense it. You don’t make each other happy anymore, and this is a big issue that you can’t ignore.
Maybe your unhappiness is instead related to some current issue that you’re dealing with.
Perhaps you’re still happy with each other; you’re just not happy with some aspects of your relationship.
This will be easier to fix by addressing the issues that are causing you to feel this way.
3. Things have gotten boring in the relationship.
Monogamy can sometimes be followed by monotony. People get bored, especially in long-term relationships.
When the honeymoon phase passes, you could fall into a rut and miss the excitement that you felt before. Every day starts looking like the one before, and you’re having the same boring conversations and doing the same old activities.
Things could get repetitive in the bedroom too. When physical intimacy becomes a routine and more like a job than a pleasure, the relationship is in serious trouble.
It takes effort to keep things fresh and exciting. You both need to try to keep your relationship interesting by trying new things and engaging in fun activities.
4. You and your partner are romantically incompatible.
Sometimes, people simply aren’t a good match. You could care deeply about each other but be too incompatible to make it work. This doesn’t just mean that you’re too different. You could have a lot of things in common and still be incompatible. It’s something that’s hard to fix, because you can’t really identify the problem.
Maybe there are no problems, but something simply doesn’t feel right. There’s no easy fix for this. However, if you’re both determined to make it work, you can.
Keep in mind that you might never be a match made in heaven. Ultimately, when people care about each other, they sometimes have to accept certain things.
You might never become one of those couples who are a perfect match. However, you can make your relationship work and be happy.
5. You have unresolved issues from the past.
There’s another possible cause that’s much more about you than about your partner. Is feeling unwanted in a relationship new to you, or have you felt this way before?
Everyone knows that one’s previous relationships can seriously impact their current relationships.
Maybe you felt unwanted by all your past partners at some point in the relationship. Perhaps your previous partner betrayed you and left you with trust issues and insecurities. Maybe you’ve noticed the same behavior with your current partner that made you feel unwanted by your previous partner.
It might not even be about your past relationships. The unresolved issues from your past might even date back to your childhood. The roots of a lot of the problems that we face as adults actually stem from our relationship with our parents.
Articles like these are very helpful for a lot of things. But, when it comes to past traumas, you’re not going to find a solution in an article. You’ll need to talk to a therapist who’ll learn about your specific situation and help you deal with your past trauma.
6. Your partner is under a lot of stress.
There might be no cause for alarm. If your partner has been under a lot of stress lately, it’s probably why they neglected to give you the attention that you crave. Maybe they are under a lot of pressure at work, or their family member was diagnosed with a serious illness.
If your partner is distracted by their own issues, they can’t focus on you as much as you’d like. Maybe they’re making you feel unwanted simply because they’re mentally or even physically exhausted.
What has been going on in their life lately? They might have a perfectly understandable explanation for having less time for you and being distracted.
How long have you been feeling undesired by them? Did it happen at the same time as they lost a job or got a new promotion?
If something recently changed in their life, the solution to your problem might simply be giving them some time to sort things out.
7. Your partner has mental health issues.
Depression and anxiety aren’t to be taken lightly. They make a person act and feel differently than they normally would. Your partner might be struggling with some mental health issues that are causing them to treat you differently.
Mental health issues can also cause a low libido, which might be the reason for your problems. If your partner is struggling with depression or anxiety, be patient with them. Encourage them to seek help and talk to a therapist who can help them overcome this.
8. Your partner is insecure.
Just as this might be all about your insecurities, it could be about theirs instead. Your partner might have body image issues or other insecurities that make them feel like they’re not good enough.
Maybe they avoid physical intimacy because they’re not feeling positive about their own body. However, insecurities aren’t only about physical appearance. Your partner could have self-esteem issues. They could lack the confidence it takes to make you feel wanted.
In the end, your partner might not feel wanted by you, so they don’t make you feel wanted in return. Even if you’re showing them that you consider them desirable, they might find it hard to believe you.
When a person doesn’t consider themselves desirable, it’s hard to believe that anyone else does. Encourage your partner to deal with these issues with the help of a skilled therapist.
9. Your partner is cheating on you.
Unfortunately, the thing you fear the most might be true. Your partner could be neglecting you because they’re cheating on you. However, they may not have technically cheated yet…
They might simply be attracted to other people, which in turn makes you feel unwanted. Maybe they give special attention to someone in particular. This means that they could be having an emotional affair.
Catching feelings for someone else without acting on them isn’t technically cheating. But it’s still, in a way, unfaithful.
Your partner might not be acting on their feelings by sleeping with this person. However, they are cheating by spending more time with them and giving them special attention – the kind of attention that they should be giving to you.
10. Your partner is no longer interested in the relationship.
Another cause that you’re probably fearing is that your partner has simply checked out of the relationship. They might have lost interest in the relationship to the point that they’ve already broken up with you in their head. However, it might not be that bad.
Maybe they’re less interested in the relationship because the honeymoon phase has passed and things have become boring. Perhaps it’s because you’ve been fighting a lot lately.
You can focus on your issues and make your relationship work again. However, your partner needs to want it to work too. If they don’t, they should at least be honest with you and end things instead of hurting you.
