Why don’t you want any friends?
Not wanting friends is a more common mindset and lifestyle choice than you might imagine. Here are some of the common reasons why you or anyone else might not seek out friendship.
1. You’ve been betrayed or hurt too many times.
When your so-called friends betray your trust, spill secrets they’ve promised to keep, lie to you, steal from you, or sleep with your partners, it’s hard to develop trust in anyone again.
Some people who’ve been through this muck too many times have learned the lesson that the only way to avoid being betrayed is to not let anyone get too close.
2. You’re burned out from having to pander to other people’s needs.
If you’ve ever had a friend who calls or texts you day or night because they need constant help or reassurance, you’ll know how exhausting that can be. Sometimes, one gets to the point where they just burn out.
This can be due to compassion fatigue, or simply because their own well has run dry. Either way, they would rather not talk to anyone at all than keep being drained for the sake of someone else wanting their needs met above all else.
3. You don’t know how to navigate social situations.
Many people – especially those on the autism spectrum – can struggle to connect with others. In fact, they’ve likely experienced rejection and humiliation on numerous occasions simply because they didn’t understand subtle social cues or body language.
If they don’t have any friends, they won’t have to deal with being called weird, or told all the different ways they don’t fit in. They don’t have a constant, ever-present worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, nor do they have to spend every moment focusing on masking and mirroring those around them to appear “normal” (e.g. neurotypical).
There’s immense freedom to be found in solitude, or in online interactions where they have all the time in the world to think out their responses clearly, and can stim and self-soothe as needed without being judged or mocked.
4. You don’t have the will or energy to deal with other people’s drama.
This goes along with the neediness mentioned above. Being constantly awoken by a needy friend’s texts at 2 am is trying enough, but being roped into other people’s dramas is another beast altogether.
Some people live to muckrake, and thrive in the dramatic rollercoaster that ensues. Before you know it, you’re acting as mediator between people who are shrieking at one another and refusing to apologize. Who has the time or energy for that?
5. You find yourself perpetually disappointed in others.
You ask a friend to help you move and they bail on you the day of. Or you loan someone money and they always find a way to avoid paying you back. Maybe you’ve gone out of your way to help a friend get a job but they show up for work drunk, thus reflecting poorly on you.
Etc. ad nauseum.
People can only disappoint us so many times before we simply don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
6. You want to spend time on your own pursuits but friends keep demanding time and attention.
We only have so much time to achieve all we need to take care of in a day. Furthermore, our precious free time dwindles significantly as life demands more from us. Work, commuting, family responsibilities, home maintenance, and other adult commitments.
It’s frustrating when you make plans to do something you really like with a bit of the spare time you actually have, only to have those plans sidelined by a so-called friend.
They might show up at your door with a crisis when you’re trying to read or do yoga. Or they’ll offer to go on a long-awaited nature hike with you only to spend every moment babbling about their personal problems, thus frightening away local wildlife.
7. You don’t want to compromise… ever.
This often happens when people were micromanaged when they were younger and had little to no say over their own lives. Sometimes we just want to do what we want to do without having to compromise with someone else’s desires.
Whether getting together with people on a Saturday night or planning an outing, there will always be those for and against different options. You might want Thai food but your friends want Mexican instead. You want to go to a museum but you’re outvoted in favor of a sports event.
So forget it, you’ll just order in solo and attend these things on your own. No fuss, no drama, no petulant whining because someone else didn’t get their way.
8. You are simply happier in your own company and want to spend time by yourself.
Quite simply, some people just prefer their own company, or the company of animal companions, instead of other people. That’s completely valid, and an incredibly peaceful choice in a world full of chaos.
While some extraverts need a lot of human connection, others (mostly introverts) are perfectly content just being by themselves. You might be an avid reader, gamer, or artist, or pursue any other number of hobbies that require silence and focus. And that suits you just fine.
