YOU: “Why won’t he just ask me out already?”
If you’ve got a guy in your life who you’re pretty sure likes you, you might be wondering why he’s not asked you out yet.
It seems like he’s holding back, but you’re also convinced he’s interested – so why hasn’t he made a move on you yet?
It’s confusing, and quite frustrating, but we’re here to help you decode his behavior and figure out what’s really going on.
1. He doesn’t know how you feel.
He might be really interested in you, but he’s holding back from asking you on a date because he’s not sure how you feel about him.
If nothing’s ever happened between the two of you before, he might not know where he stands with you.
He might have seen photos of you with a guy and wonder if you’re dating someone already, or he might have heard from someone (wrongly) that you’re already in a long-term relationship.
If he’s not sure how you feel about him, he’s probably not made a move yet because he doesn’t know if you’d be interested or not.
2. He’s involved with someone else.
If the guy you think likes you is already with someone else, he’s probably trying to ignore his feelings for you and pretend he doesn’t care.
He might be doing that in the hopes that he stops finding you attractive, or he might be worried about hurting the person he’s with.
The fact that he wants to ask you out is probably making him feel very guilty. By pretending he’s not interested in you, even though he is, he’s doing his best to avoid acting on his feelings.
3. He’s confused about his feelings.
Similar to above, feelings can be very badly-timed and he might be feeling confused about his attraction to you.
Maybe you’ve always been friends and he’s not sure where these romantic feelings have come from. He might not want to risk ruining the friendship he has with you by suggesting you date or by making a move, which is why he’s acting so shiftily around you.
Some people just take longer to process their feelings and understand what they mean. He may need a little bit longer to work out what his stomach butterflies are all about – even if there’s a very obvious answer for us ladies!
4. He’s trying to play it cool.
Ah, the old classic. If he’s not asked you out yet, it might be because he doesn’t want you to know just how interested in you he is.
He doesn’t want to seem too keen or desperate, so he’s playing it cool by holding back.
He might ignore you when he walks into a room, or take a long time to reply to your messages. Maybe he tries to flirt with other girls in front of you to make you jealous and to cover up how he really feels.
Either way, if you can tell he likes you deep down but he’s not asked you on a date yet, he might just be trying to impress you by treating you mean to keep you keen. Sigh.
5. He’s not sure what he wants.
Some guys don’t like to reveal their feelings until they’re really sure of what they want.
He might be attracted to you or interested in you, but he’s not quite sure whether he wants to pursue something just yet.
That might be because he’s not ready for anything serious, or because he thinks you’d really hit it off but he wants to play the field and sleep around before he actually settles down with someone he really likes.
Confusing, we know!
If he’s acting oddly or pretending he doesn’t like you when he clearly does, he’s probably trying to process what that really means for him before he makes a move on you.
6. He knows it’s not an option.
We’ve all been there before – you can’t ask someone out, even though you like them, because you know it just won’t work out.
That might be because they’re dating someone else, or because you live too far away to make it work.
If a guy clearly likes you but hasn’t asked you on a date yet, he might be trying to lie to himself to make it easier because he knows nothing can happen between the two of you.
Sometimes it’s easier to just bury our desires or wishes rather than acknowledge that they are very unrealistic or unlikely to happen.
It can hurt too much to think about never getting what, or who, we want, so he might be avoiding asking you out because it’s too hard.
7. He’s scared of rejection.
This is a biggie for a lot of guys. He might worry that he’ll be rejected by you if he’s too upfront about his feelings.
Despite really liking you, he might want to test the waters and see how you feel before he really opens up about where he stands and makes his move.
A lot of us have experienced rejection in some form or another, and it can really put you off opening up again.
It hurts to be rejected by someone we care about – especially if we thought they would feel the same way back.
Rather than face the possible pain and embarrassment of you turning him down, he’s choosing to hide his feelings and stay safe.
8. He’s scared of commitment.
He might be concerned that, as soon as he lets you know how he feels, that’s it – relationship, marriage, kids.
A lot of people are scared of commitment, and he might be worried that things will really speed up if he admits to liking you.
In reality, you’d probably just start dating and see what happens, but he might be stressing about it speeding up too much for him to handle.
Rather than risk feeling trapped or losing his freedom, he wants to take his time and stay single for a bit longer, even if that means he has to hold back from taking you out on a date.
9. He’s never done it before.
If he’s never told anyone how he really feels before, he’s probably confused about his feelings and has no idea what to do with them!
It’s terrifying to tell someone how you feel for the first time, and, if he’s not got much experience with girls, he’s probably getting himself very worked up about how to best approach it.
He might be hoping you’ll make the first move, or trying to build up the courage to admit his true feelings for you.
If he’s very nervous around girls or has been single for a long time, he just needs some space to find the confidence to tell you how he feels.
10. It’s an ego thing.
Another classic! He might fancy you but want you to make the first move.
This isn’t because he’s not sure how you feel or because he’s nervous – it’s actually the opposite. He might want you to come to him, so that he feels like he’s the one being pursued.
He might want the ego boost of being asked out rather than asking you out. It’s a nice compliment, to be fair to him, and we can see why it would make him feel really good about himself.
He might want to avoid looking vulnerable or needy in front of you, so is reluctant to make the first move or open up ‘too much.’
11. He’s scared of how he feels.
A lot of women openly talk about their feelings – we chat to our family and friends about how we feel on a regular basis.
It feels normal for us to cry with a close friend, have a rant about work, or giggle with our best friend over texts our crush sends us. The majority of us are pretty comfortable and in touch with our emotions.
A lot of guys, however, don’t have that kind of connection with their feelings. They might not really talk about how they feel with their friends or loved ones, so having feelings for you might be quite scary and might make it hard to make a move on someone they like.
12. He wants to seem ‘manly.’
Some guys think that talking about their feelings isn’t very ‘manly.’ While we think that’s total rubbish, we can understand where that may come from.
He might not want to look emotionally ‘weak’ by pursuing you, or he might be worried that his friends will mock him for being ‘girly,’ for example.
To be clear, we don’t agree that open communication or talking about your feelings is a negative thing – for anyone!
If he’s got that idea rooted in his mind, for whatever reason, he might be sub-consciously forcing those feelings down and avoiding asking you on a date in order to maintain his tough exterior.
