Have People Betrayed Your Trust?
Just about all of us will have our trust betrayed at some point in our lives.
This may be at the hands of a cheating partner, a friend who shares a secret told to them in confidence, a medical professional who harms instead of heals, or a parent who mistreats or belittles us instead of validating or encouraging us.
Possibly all of the above.
Every time trust is betrayed, there’s a little bit of damage done to us at the very core of our being.
And when trust is broken many times over the years, it can be very, very difficult to ever truly trust a person again, in any form of relationship.
So what are the mental, emotional, and practical signs that you have serious trouble trusting others?
1. You Spy On People (Because You Don’t Believe Them)
If you’ve been lied to a whole lot by many different people, chances are you don’t have a lot of faith in what people tell you.
If you’re getting to know someone new and they tell you some details about their life, your response might be to do a bit of digging to find out if they’re telling the truth.
Perhaps you check their LinkedIn profile to verify their work/education history, or go through their photos on social media, searching for signs of deceit.
That’s considered pretty normal in this era of online weirdness when it comes to taking care of your own well-being.
When things get weird is when you’ve been dating someone for a while, but still feel the need to check up on them regularly.
If they say that they’re out with friends, you’ll text their friends to see if that’s actually true.
You may even ask for photographic evidence that they are where they say they are, doing what they say they’re doing.
2. You Expect Them To Let You Down
Whether your parents didn’t show up to your ballet recital, your partner didn’t pick up the kids when you had to work late, or your coworkers didn’t pull their weight on a project, you’ve learned that people will let you down, especially when you need them the most.
As such, you tend to take on all kinds of responsibilities yourself: you honestly can’t trust anyone else to do so.
This can result in you constantly feeling depleted and exhausted because you’re shouldering far more than your own responsibilities, solely out of fear that things won’t be taken care of unless you do them yourself.
In addition to tiring you out, living with the sense that “if you want something done, you have to do it yourself” can end up with you feeling a startling amount of resentment toward those around you.
You may feel like you’re being forced to be superman/superwoman because no one else will step up and take on these tasks.
3. You Sabotage Situations To Reinforce Your Beliefs
Self-fulfilling prophecies (SFPs) are so much fun, aren’t they?
Like, insisting that it would be pointless to get into a relationship with a person because they’ll just end up leaving you.
Then being horrible to said person all the time to test just how much they’ll put up with if they really and truly like you.
And then it’s “OMG I TOLD YOU THEY’D LEAVE” when they finally reach their breaking point because you’ve pushed them away.
^ Like that.
People tend to create these SFPs as a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt.
They tend to be so afraid of being hurt by those they allow themselves to care about that they purposely create situations in which the very thing they’re afraid of will occur.
This validates their behaviors when they insist upon pushing others away or avoiding any kind of emotional intimacy.
4. You Overthink – And It’s Always Negative
Regardless of how realistic or not it may be, you can’t help but imagine that your trust is being broken in every way possible.
You have an ongoing soap opera or movie playing inside your mind where the ‘characters’ in your life are doing things to hurt you.
And although this is just in your mind, it bleeds through into the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of your real life.
Maybe you see a photo of two of your best friends together on social media, and your mind instantly starts to make up stories as to why you weren’t invited.
They don’t really like you, they only pretend to be your friend out of pity, or they use you when it suits them.
And so, even if there is absolutely zero underlying motive for their meeting up without you, you now sincerely believe that there is.
Your trust in those friends is eroded a little and you might begin one of the self-fulfilling prophecies described above.
5. You Believe You Don’t Deserve Happiness
Part of not being able to trust others is the belief that you are somehow unworthy of happiness.
And, by extension, you don’t deserve to be treated well.
Low self-esteem and self-worth often come about for the very same reasons as the trust issues.
People treat you poorly and this degrades your ability to trust and makes you believe that you must have deserved it.
And remember, trust involves someone else taking into account your feelings, wishes, and best interests. But if you don’t believe that you are worthy of fair treatment, why would you trust others to consider any of those things?
6. You Keep Your Thoughts And Feelings Hidden
The parts of you that others cannot see – the thoughts and feelings that swim around your mind – are kept well hidden.
For you, it is safer not to reveal too much of yourself, but to remain guarded.
This has two main benefits as far as you can see.
Firstly, by keeping some emotional distance between you and other people, you limit the hurt you experience when they inevitably betray you.
And, secondly, you don’t give anyone information that they can then weaponize and use against you.
7. You Feel Lonely And Isolated
Trust is essential for deep and loving relationships to form. Because you are unable to show trust, the relationships in your life remain stubbornly shallow.
You don’t feel a particularly strong bond to many – or even any – people and the result is a sense of loneliness.
Even if there are lots of people in your life, you feel disconnected to them. You remain aloof, unprepared to let your guard down and people in.
