Did a guy use you, and is it still affecting you?
You were searching for love, but what you found was far from it. Your unofficial partner took advantage of you and left you.
That hurts, but it happens more often than you’d think.
The first thing you should know is that what happened to you has nothing to do with you. You couldn’t have made him stay by loving him any harder.
Nothing you did caused him to leave in the first place. He just came for what he wanted and went away after he got it.
Maybe it wasn’t one passionate night but weeks or months of avoiding your questions about when you’ll start being exclusive. The problem is he had no intention of being serious. Maybe he is scared of commitment or he just wanted a casual relationship. Either way, you can’t make him commit to you.
That means you have to let go of any hope you have of forming a real relationship with this man. If he felt the same way about you, you would already be in a serious relationship.
You both felt something, but ultimately he only wanted the physical side of things and not a girlfriend. It’s not easy to take, but he used you.
Keep reading to learn how to get over him and find happiness with someone else.
1. Allow yourself to feel sad and let your emotions out.
Don’t try to deny your feelings or bury them. You are not a fool for falling for this guy! What you felt was real, so don’t try to dismiss your feelings as if you aren’t allowed to be hurt.
It’s normal that you’re sad because you thought the relationship could go somewhere. You couldn’t have known that the man you’re into was just going to use you, and that says more about him than it does about you.
Even if you could have known what was about to happen, it doesn’t matter now. What happened happened. You are allowed to feel sad about it.
Even though you probably weren’t in an official relationship with this guy, it’s okay to treat it as any other breakup. Cry if that feels right, and write down your feelings.
2. Don’t play the victim.
Why did this happen to you? Are you ever going to find love? What’s the point in searching for it anyway if every guy is just going to use you as soon as you start developing feelings for him?
Thoughts like this are dangerous and have no place in your life. They will just make you play the victim, and even worse, believe that you are the victim. But what happened to you has happened to almost every woman at least once.
Some guys are just players and want to get into your pants without ever committing. Not all of them are like this though, and you shouldn’t start thinking that they are. It’s all a part of the dating game, and you are going to meet a variety of different men.
Some of them want to use you while others seek true love just like you do. So you ran into the wrong guy once, it happens. Don’t make a tragedy out of it and let it make you miserable for a long time.
Grieve as much as you need to, but don’t play the victim. You are going to find love, and if this guy had stayed in your life, you probably wouldn’t have found it with him anyway.
3. Look at the relationship realistically.
Don’t lie to yourself about what the relationship was. This guy was only interested in bedroom fun, and if you start giving yourself false hope that he could want a relationship, you’ll just torture yourself.
Accept the relationship for what it was and realize that he wasn’t the right guy for you. He wanted a physical encounter, and you wanted a relationship. Period.
Accept that you’ve been used. It doesn’t feel nice, but that’s what it was. You’re not a fool for believing he had good intentions at the time, but now that you know otherwise, it’s time to move on.
4. Know that it’s not about you.
Did you do something wrong that caused him to leave? Of course not. He left because he got what he came for and that was enough for him.
Nothing you did caused him to use you or let you go. What’s more, it has nothing to do with you as a person.
Maybe he liked you, but he didn’t think that you could have a serious relationship because you’re too different. Perhaps he is looking for a different type of woman to commit to.
Think of all the times when you rejected someone. Most of the time, it probably wasn’t because there was something wrong with the person, they just weren’t your type.
Don’t make it any bigger than it really is. You are lovable, and the fact that this man just wanted to use you says nothing about you as a person except that you’re attractive. After all, he wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with you if you weren’t.
5. Think about what you have learned from this.
Everything can have a purpose if you learn something from it, even the biggest mistakes that you make in your life. So, what have you learned from this experience?
Maybe it will now be easier to spot a guy who isn’t looking for anything serious. Perhaps waiting a bit longer before getting involved with a guy could help you stay clear of those who are just looking to use you. Maybe there are some signs that the guy isn’t up to any good that have become apparent to you.
Learn from this and use that knowledge in the future to find the right guy for you.
6. Cut off all contact.
The most important part of this process is ending all contact with the guy in question. Why would you want to keep in touch with him anyway? He is just going to want to use you again if you give him the opportunity to. The fact that he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you hasn’t changed.
Don’t text or call him. Delete his number to prevent yourself from giving in to temptation. You could even make a deal with a close friend that you contact them whenever you want to reach out to the guy.
Save your dignity, and don’t let him hear another word from you. Granted, in some cases, this may not be possible. If you really have to see him again and can’t avoid him, keep your communication short, to the point, and don’t venture into other topics.
7. Ignore his attempts to contact you.
The thing about guys who want to use you is that they’ll want to do it again if they’re allowed to. So, you probably won’t get rid of this guy by cutting all contact. He is likely to reach out to you again to see if he could sleep with you once more.
Don’t let him back, and remind yourself of the reason he’s reaching out to you in the first place. He just wants to see if he can get you into bed again, and you will probably get late-night texts and calls from him.
Ignore them, and if he persists send him a message saying that you don’t want that kind of relationship with him anymore, and then block him. Be careful, though, because he might try to make you think that you could have something serious now!
This is probably just his attempt to get you to let him back into your bed, so tell him that you’re not interested and ignore him.
8. Remove him from your social media.
You don’t need any reminders of him on your social media either, so remove him and prevent yourself from stalking his profile. If you don’t do this, you are likely to see pictures of him with another girl at some point, and you don’t need that in your life.
Most importantly, you don’t need him in your life, and you don’t want to fall into the temptation of contacting him through social media if you keep him there. Delete any sign that he was ever in your life, and it will be easier to forget about him and move forward.
9. Don’t meet with him and avoid places where you could see him.
He might call you and ask you to see him, so be prepared for it to happen and have your rejection ready. You don’t want to see him anymore, and it would be best to avoid places where you might accidentally run into him.
After some time, you’ll be able to go anywhere you want, but while you’re healing you don’t want the sight of his face to slow down your progress. So, recall all the places that you know he frequently visits and make a decision not to go there for a while.
10. Get rid of any mementos.
Maybe you saved a napkin from the coffee shop you’d been to or a cork from the wine you drank. Perhaps you took a picture together or bought each other gifts. When you break up with someone, you’re left with stuff that reminds you of them, and this can happen even in a short fling.
This is a breakup, even if you weren’t in a real relationship, and you can treat it the same way as any other. Get rid of the things that remind you of him. You don’t have to toss them away if you don’t want to, but make sure that they’re out of sight, like in a box somewhere.
Why would you keep it though? If the memory of him brings nothing but bad feelings, make yourself feel better by getting rid of any evidence that you were with him.
11. Keep your mind occupied and practice self-care.
Maybe you’ve fallen in love with him, and you can’t stop thinking about him even though you know that you can’t be in a relationship. Perhaps you just feel bad about being used. Either way, it’s important to occupy your mind with different things.
Dedicate some time to your hobbies or find new ones and practice self-care. Instead of drinking and crying over what happened, you could get dressed in a fluffy bathrobe, put on a face mask, place cucumbers on your eyes, and listen to a guided meditation or nature sounds. Afterward, take a warm bath.
Doesn’t that sound good? Order a pizza and watch a romantic comedy that you’ll later discuss over wine with your friend. Create little rituals like these that help you feel better.
12. Surround yourself with your loved ones.
Your friends can help you get over this guy, so let them. Talk to them about it and let them comfort and support you. However, make sure to talk about other things as well.
Find out what has been going on in their lives and talk to them about your plans for the future, your new hobby, or the movie you watched. The point is not to talk about this guy all the time, which you might be tempted to.
On the other hand, maybe you don’t want to talk about what happened. Maybe you feel too ashamed or proud to let someone in on the story. It’s still important to talk to someone, because you have nothing to be ashamed of.
A relationship therapist can help you see that and give you more ways to get over him, improve yourself, and find the right person for you. Talking to a therapist might be easier anyway since they are a professional who has the insights and objectivity that you need right now.
13. Give it some time.
Ultimately, when someone hurts you, you have to give yourself some time to heal. You will soon forget about the guy and all this, but some time needs to pass, so don’t rush yourself.
Just make sure not to waste all of that time wallowing in self-pity, crying over him, or feeling bad about yourself. You ran into the wrong guy, and he was decent enough to get away so that the right one could come along, that’s all.
By allowing yourself time and distance from the experience, your heart will heal, and you’ll be ready to enter into a healthy and committed relationship.
14. Set healthy boundaries for future dates.
Knowing what you want and what you don’t want is important so that you can make it perfectly clear to the people you date. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not okay with.
When you go on dates, make your goals obvious. While you shouldn’t start the conversation with “I want to get married and have kids,” there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that you’re looking for something serious and you’re ready to settle down.
If your date is in a more casual mood than you are and suggests that you just “see how it goes,” don’t do it until you know them well enough to be sure that they’re not just using you. Set clear boundaries with your dates and stick to them.
15. Take things slow with future partners.
There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone without getting into a relationship or by having a casual one, but only if it’s what you both want.
If you don’t want a fling, you should take your time getting involved with a man, even if you are very attracted to him and feel like he could be the one. If he really is the one, he won’t mind putting some effort into getting to know you better before sleeping with you.
The best way to prevent getting used is to take things slow, even if your partner is rushing you. Someone who isn’t willing to spend some time with you before getting involved probably just wants to use you.
16. Don’t be afraid to trust again.
Men are not all the same, just like women aren’t. So don’t assume that every guy out there is a player looking to lie his way into your pants. There are decent men who want to settle down and find someone they could grow old with.
So, don’t be afraid to trust again. Just learn ways to recognize when a guy has serious intentions and when he’s looking to hook up with you.
When you like a guy so much that you want to sleep with him, it should happen because you want it to, not because he is making you think that it would be a good idea. Would it be a good idea? Only you can decide that, and only you should.
17. Know that you’ll find love.
Don’t lose hope because of your experience. You were loveable before this, and you still are, it’s just one more step on your journey to the love you’re looking for.
Eventually, you will find it, and when someone isn’t the kind of person you need, it’s better they get out of the picture sooner than later. So, don’t despair. The right man for you is out there, and you will meet him.
If you use these tips to avoid guys who aren’t boyfriend material, you’ll find the one who’s husband material sooner than you think. Just don’t waste time on the wrong men if you’re in a hurry to settle down and find the love of your life.
18. Talk to a professional.
In the end, you can always talk to a professional and let them help you get through this in the fastest and safest way. You don’t have to focus only on getting used.
A professional can help you improve yourself in more ways so that you can be the person you want to be and find the kind of person you want in your life.
Work on yourself from the inside and strive to be a better person every day. You will attract better people if you do, and a therapist can help you on the road to self-improvement.
