Not everyone loves themselves the way they should.
Low self-esteem is often the result of abuse, neglect, or a mental health problem that has not been properly addressed. Not everyone is lucky enough to be raised in a loving environment with nurturing parents who care about them.
These kinds of struggles in one’s life can leave a lasting impression that requires work to overcome.
Self-love and self-esteem are vital for creating loving, healthy relationships with other people. A lack of self-esteem, on the other hand, can destroy relationships, romantic or not, because it causes partners to be on an unequal footing in the relationship.
The partner with low self-esteem may not feel like they are deserving of the love or attention of the person that loves them, which can drive all manner of negative behaviors.
So what are the signs to look out for?
1. They may not be able to handle negative criticism.
Negative criticism will often be met with hostility and anger.
A man with low self-esteem will often take any negative criticism as a personal attack, whether it is or not.
They may take impersonal criticisms and blow them out of proportion or try to tie them to a facet of their own personality.
For example: the man makes a simple mistake in working out a problem. They may turn criticism of making a mistake into thinking they are stupid or incompetent when it was just a mistake that anyone could make.
2. They may be clingy, emotionally needy, or insecure.
A man with low self-esteem often needs a lot of reassurance that they are worthy of being loved, because they do not feel as though what they contribute to the relationship matters as much as their partner.
Some insecurity and reassurance is okay, but a constant need becomes a drain on the person that is being asked to provide it.
Constantly needing attention and reassurance erodes relationships.
3. They may need constant validation about their looks or abilities.
Overcompensating by attempting to perfect one’s looks or abilities may point to low self-esteem.
A person with low self-esteem may need other people to see how good or perfect they appear and validate it, so they can tell themselves that they have worth and value.
The problem is, it’s mostly superficial and the resulting positive feeling doesn’t last.
Taking pride in one’s appearance or ability is not bad. It’s when that need for validation and perfection is taken to an extreme that it causes serious problems.
4. They may brag about the things they’ve done, material possessions they own, or engage in acts of one-upmanship.
Men who are secure with good self-esteem generally don’t need to make themselves feel larger than the people around them.
Those with low self-esteem may point to their material possessions as proof of their accomplishments and self-worth.
They may also point to things like extensive travel, volunteer work, or how compassionate they are to give themselves a sense of value and worth.
5. They may be possessive and jealous of other people receiving attention.
In a relationship, this manifests as things like constant texting while you’re apart, messaging when on a night out, and the need for constant check-ins.
They may be jealous of any friendships and relationships you have with other people, including other family members.
They may demand to know what you are doing or where you are going whenever you are apart.
Again, some interest is okay, but when it is invasive and approaches levels of micromanagement, it may be cause for concern.
6. They may hide behind self-deprecating humor and deflect compliments.
Self-deprecating humor is trendy right now. It also serves as a convenient shield to downplay and deflect any kind of compliments or positive reinforcement that may be given.
Men with low self-esteem may seek to turn any positive statements about themselves into a joke, brush them off, or minimize them.
They may use humor to lessen the impact or not accept a compliment because they don’t feel they are worthy of those positive words.
Self-deprecating humor can be fun in small doses, but it’s also a convenient mask to keep other people from looking too close or dismissing any kind of positive, reaffirming words.
A final note…
These are just some of the things that could possibly point to low self-esteem in a man.
It’s important to keep in mind that people are not perfect and will have flaws that may come up.
Everyone feels insecure or unloved sometimes. It’s not unfair or unrealistic to want to know if a loved one is safe and taken care of.
It’s when these things are taken to extremes or become a constant negative presence that they are cause for concern.
