11 Reasons It's Never A Good Idea To Check Your Partner's Phone

To snoop or not to snoop – that is the question.

A woman lying in bed while taking a selfie with her smartphone, winking at the camera. She is under a white, patterned blanket. A man is sleeping next to her. The room has a serene atmosphere with soft lighting.

Whilst today’s smartphones make communication faster, easier, and more convenient than ever, those same devices can potentially be used to hide a secret life.

Your partner’s phone could provide you with substantiated and credible information concerning their private life. That’s why so many people are tempted to snoop. It’s a way to keep tabs on what your partner is up to, who they are talking to, and whether anything untoward might be going on.

However, going through your partner’s phone can do more harm than good. Here are some big reasons not to spy on your partner’s phone, and healthy alternatives to snooping.

1. You are effectively lying to your partner.

A person with long dark hair lies in bed, resting their head on a white pillow while looking at a smartphone held in their right hand. The person is under a white blanket, and the room has a soft blue light. The person has a pensive expression.

A lie of omission is when you withhold particular information from someone else; information that relates to them or your actions regarding them in some way.

Snooping is one such lie. You don’t tell your partner that you are looking at their electronic devices, their emails, or their social accounts. You are withholding information which directly relates to them.

Every healthy relationship is built on open communication, honesty, trust, and respect. Two things come into play when you look at your partner’s phone behind their back. First, you suspect your partner is not being honest with you. Second, you are not being honest with your partner. Both are unhealthy for your relationship.

2. You trust yourself less and act irrationally.

A man is standing beside a bed, angrily gesturing and yelling, while a woman sits on the bed with her eyes closed and fingers pressing her temples, appearing frustrated or stressed.

Suspicion and a lack of trust in a partner are not the only reasons people snoop. People also spy because they don’t trust themselves and their own ability to be the perfect partner.

Snoopers often suffer from toxic jealousy, leading them to act impulsively based on suspicion. Their lack of self-esteem leads them to assume that their partner is unhappy in the relationship and seeking happiness elsewhere. Although they have no evidence of their partner’s infidelity, they believe their partner is cheating on them.

If you are concerned about your partner’s fidelity, snooping is a dysfunctional way of dealing with it. The more you pry for validation, the less you trust yourself. It becomes a vicious cycle.

3. You become the bad guy.

A man and a woman sit on a couch, both dressed in casual denim shirts. The woman is looking surprised while holding a smartphone, showing something to the man, who leans in with a curious expression. A bookshelf with decor is in the background.

Even if your snooping yields results and you do find evidence against your partner, the fact that you went through their phone will not work in your favor.

The moment you start poking around on their devices, you become the bad guy – the untrustworthy one in the relationship. Not only will your partner think badly of you, but so will anyone else who hears about what you did.

4. It causes further breakdown in communication.

A woman and a man, both middle-aged, sit on a bed facing away from each other, looking pensive and distant. The room has a white brick wall, a painting, and some plants. Sunlight streams in, creating a stark, contemplative atmosphere.

Looking through your partner’s phone indicates that there has been a breakdown of communication between the two of you. You wouldn’t need to if you felt comfortable talking freely with your partner. That itself is a bad sign.

But snooping can also raise further barriers to communication. When you choose to snoop on your partner’s phone rather than communicate your worries to them, you reinforce an existing unhealthy communication pattern.

As walls of distrust begin to rise, open and honest dialogue decreases significantly. And if your partner discovers that you don’t trust them, it could lead to deeper communication problems between you both.

5. It causes your partner to lose trust in you.

A man and woman sit at a table in a kitchen, both resting their chins on their hands with thoughtful, concerned expressions. The man looks at the woman, while she gazes downward. Various kitchen items are visible on shelves in the background.

Trying to check your partner’s phone behind their back means you don’t trust them. But that’s not all. When you snoop around, you reinforce the fact that you are a sneaky person. And sneaky people are deemed untrustworthy people.

So, while you snoop because you find it hard to trust your partner, remember that you could be causing them to lose trust in you. Once there is no trust, the relationship is doomed because it’s tough to regain that trust.

6. You make your partner feel insecure.

A woman with curly blonde hair and wearing a polka dot blouse and black leather jacket stands in the foreground, looking to the side. In the background, a man with short dark hair and a beard, also in a leather jacket, leans on a green railing, looking away.

Imagine how your partner would feel if they found out about your snooping. Not only would they lose trust in you, they would begin to feel insecure about the relationship and themselves as a person.

After all, you are communicating that you think they are up to no good. You are suggesting that they are untrustworthy, and this can wreak havoc with their sense of identity. They may begin to worry about how others see them and if they have a reputation for being unreliable.

They will also think that the relationship is in real trouble. Having this thought in the back of their mind all the time will cause untold stress and anxiety. Do you really want to put your partner through that?

7. It destroys your peace of mind.

A woman with her hand on her forehead and a concerned expression stands beside a seated man leaning back in his chair, holding his head with one hand and a pill bottle in the other. They are surrounded by paperwork on a table in a dimly lit room.

There are only two outcomes of snooping. One the one hand, you find incriminating evidence that will not make you feel good. On the other, you don’t find anything which can leave you wondering if your partner simply did a good job of covering their tracks, and therefore you need to look harder. Both results can ruin your peace of mind.

8. It can lead to paranoia.

A woman in a blue checkered shirt and jeans is using her smartphone on a couch. A man in a peach shirt and jeans, sitting next to her, glances at her phone while holding his own phone. They are in a modern, bright living room with a kitchen in the background.

When you believe that your partner is hiding information, you will find evidence even if none exists. For example, you could end up misinterpreting innocent messages sent to or received from a close friend or colleague.

There is a significant risk that what begins as an occasional peek into your partner’s phone when they are in the shower, can become a compulsive habit.

Snooping becomes the gateway issue to other trust issues. At some point, you won’t be satisfied with merely checking your partner’s phone. You will become obsessed with checking their computer, car, pockets, personal diary, and more. You might even find yourself stalking them and doing drive-bys on the sly.

9. It is a hard habit to break.

A blonde woman in a white tank top is secretly looking at a smartphone while lying in bed next to a man who is sleeping with his arm under his head, wearing a white t-shirt. The woman appears to be cautious and attentive to ensure she is not noticed.

People who snoop around often have a hard time breaking that habit. What starts as mild suspicious behavior can quickly turn into something akin to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

You may even become obsessed with the thrill of finding more hidden information, leading you to take ever greater risks just to look at their phone and find more details secretly.

10. You’ll likely feel awful for doing it.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a white sweater, sits with her arm resting on her knee, looking contemplative. A man with a shaved head and wearing a black t-shirt is blurred in the background, appearing to be speaking.

Nobody likes the feeling of being consumed with distrust and suspicion. When you snoop around, your conscience might tell you that what you are doing is wrong.

You might experience feelings of guilt, and you know that your sneaky behavior is not that of a self-respecting person.

11. It is a violation of their privacy.

A man and woman stand near a window with sheer lace curtains in a dimly lit room. The man, in a white shirt, faces the window while the woman, in an off-the-shoulder top, stands behind him with her back turned to the camera.

We’ll end on the most obvious one.

Every individual deserves some level of privacy, even when they enter into a relationship with another person.

Keeping something private doesn’t mean that you are keeping it a secret. Some things simply don’t concern other people, not directly anyway.

Consider your internet browsing history, for instance. Imagine you were reading some articles about a health concern you might have. Is that your partner’s business? Well, you will probably want to share that concern eventually, but right now you might just be looking for some advice or even reassurance. Until you decide to share your concerns with your partner, they don’t need to know.

A reasonable level of privacy is normal in most relationships. Some couples may choose to share everything with each other, but others don’t. That’s a mutual choice you make.

But when you intentionally look for information about your partner behind their back, you violate their privacy and invade the boundaries that they have set.