18 Signs You're Forcing A Relationship That's Destined To Fail

Are you trying to force a relationship that simply isn’t right?

A woman with light hair, wearing a blue hat and a grey checkered blazer over a beige turtleneck, gazes forward with a serious expression. A man wearing glasses and a purple shirt is in the foreground, slightly out of focus, facing away from her.

If you’re not sure whether you are trying to force your relationship to work rather than experiencing true, healthy love, here are the signs to look out for.

1. You love the idea of a relationship, not the person.

A woman in an orange dress and a man in a denim shirt sit back to back on a couch, looking upset. Two children sit on another couch in the background, focusing on a tablet. The room has wooden floors and natural light from large windows.

Being alone can be scary, and you could be perfectly ready to settle down with The One. But are they The One, or do you just wish they were?

Maybe you are lonely, and you were hoping to get into a relationship for a long time. You love the idea of a relationship, but do you love the person that you’re in a relationship with? Would you be friends with them if the relationship wasn’t an option?

More importantly, would you still be in a relationship with them if it wasn’t convenient or if you had better options? If not, you probably just want a relationship, not the person in question.

2. You have to walk on eggshells around them.

A man sits on a couch, covering his ears and looking distressed. A woman stands behind him with her hand raised, appearing to speak or argue. They are in a modern, bright living room with a kitchen in the background.

Maybe there is chemistry, but not with you, at least not the real you.

You can’t be yourself around them, you have to censor yourself, or you overthink everything you say or do. You feel like you must walk on eggshells around them.

How long do you think you can stay with someone while being someone you’re not?

Would you sacrifice your entire identity for the sake of keeping this person in your life?

Don’t be with a person who stifles you, and don’t confuse what you’re feeling with real love.

3. You’re hoping they’ll change.

A man and woman are sitting in bed under a beige blanket, looking away from each other with serious expressions. The woman is wearing a pink shirt, and the man is wearing a blue shirt. A painting with a wave motif hangs on the wall behind them.

If you don’t love them the way they are now, you don’t love them, and you’re not going to love them if they change. You need to love the person, not the idea of someone that person could one day be.

Don’t be in a relationship where you’re hoping for your partner to turn into someone else.

The same goes for when you’re hoping that things are going to be different between you without any sign of that being a possibility. For instance, maybe you are perfectly fine with putting all your efforts into making the relationship work, but if your partner isn’t, it’s not going to turn into what you would like it to be.

4. You’re not excited about your future together.

A man and woman sitting at a table with cups and cookies in front of them. The man is talking animatedly with hand gestures while the woman rests her head on her hand, appearing uninterested or bored. The setting is a kitchen with appliances and fruit in the background.

Maybe you have made plans together, but you’re not excited to follow through with them.

It’s actually pretty simple—when you want to spend your life with someone, you’re excited about it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, unsure, or worried, and leaves you questioning whether it’s the future you want, it’s probably not.

What do you feel when you imagine your wedding and starting a family with this person? If the thought of it causes you negative feelings instead of positive ones, or you simply feel nothing at all, you’re probably forcing the relationship.

You should look forward to spending your future with the person you’re with, and if you don’t, you’re missing out on a lot.

5. You enjoy spending time apart from each other more than spending it together.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a cozy gray sweater, stands on a white balcony. She looks content while holding a hot beverage in both hands. The backdrop features soft-focus city buildings, giving a serene, early morning feel.

Obviously, you should enjoy spending time with your partner if you really love them. But what if you enjoy spending time away from them more? Or maybe they prioritize time away from you instead.

Either way, the relationship feels forced if you’d prefer not to be around them too much.

Maybe sometimes you make excuses just to be away from your partner, or you make plans with others so that you don’t have to spend time with them.

Do you feel relieved when you get away from them and look forward to being alone? This is a big flashing sign that they’re not The One.

6. You wouldn’t care too much if the relationship were to end.

A woman sits on a rail, head in hands, appearing distressed. She is wearing a light blue sleeveless top and black pants. In the foreground, there is a person walking away, partially out of frame. The background shows a blurred cityscape.

Would you care if they broke up with you? Would you cry for them and miss them? Or would you feel relief? Or would it not even register on your emotional scale?

If you don’t care if the relationship ends, then in all honesty, you should be the one to end it. Now.

Your partner clearly doesn’t mean that much to you, even if you wish they did. When you’re not afraid of losing someone, you’re not really that interested in keeping them around.

Maybe you’ve broken up with them in your head, but you’re just afraid to do it for real. Don’t be. It’s much better to be honest with them and give them a chance to find someone new than to string them along when you know that you don’t want to be with them.

7. You fake affection in public.

A man with a beard kisses a smiling woman on the cheek. The woman has long, brown hair and her eyes are closed in happiness. They are outdoors and appear to be enjoying a pleasant, affectionate moment together.

Maybe you are a very affectionate couple in public, but is it the same affection that you have in private, or are you faking it?

Some people are into public displays of affection, and some are not. Both are fine.

But the level of affection you show in public shouldn’t be above the one you show in private. If it is, it could indicate that you’re trying to prove something that you don’t really feel.

Maybe you’re doing it to be seen as a better couple than you actually are. You’re unconsciously trying to fool other people, your partner, or even yourself.

8. The spark is long gone.

A man and a woman are standing close together, facing the same direction and looking at the horizon. They appear to be on a beach with sand and water in the background. Both are casually dressed and have a calm expression on their faces under a cloudy sky.

Sometimes, the spark is just not there. It’s long gone, or it never was there to begin with. You can try to rekindle the passion and get the spark back, but sometimes, it’s gone for good.

You don’t feel the attraction that you should be feeling, even if you want to. Maybe you’re incompatible or aren’t a good enough match to have chemistry. Without the spark, you’re not partners, you’re just friends.

You should keep in mind that you can’t expect the same initial fireworks once you have been together for a long time. However, you shouldn’t have a feeling that something important is missing. Do you really have feelings for them or are you forcing yourself to have them?

9. You fake interest, or they do.

A woman with light brown hair tied back is sitting and smiling at a man who is facing away from the camera. She is holding a white mug with both hands and wearing a beige cardigan over a grey shirt. They appear to be in a relaxed, comfortable conversation.

Are you really interested, or are you faking it? Maybe you’re sensing that they’re faking interest instead. Either way, you’re most likely not just lying to each other, you’re lying to yourself.

You’re pretending that you’re interested in their interests and hobbies while, in reality, you couldn’t care less. Or, you are pretending not to care about your own interest and hobbies because they don’t care about them.

In both situations, it indicates that the spark is just not there. You are probably very different when it comes to these things, and while you don’t have to be the same, you should care about things that matter to your partner—don’t fake it.

10. You’re not good friends.

A woman with a concerned expression holds her forehead, sitting in the foreground. In the background, a man is blurred, appearing to be in distress or deep thought. Both are indoors, with soft lighting creating a somber mood.

Maybe you’re lovers, but you’re not friends, and you’re supposed to be both.

Don’t confuse physical chemistry for the spark. The spark includes laughing together, joking around, and enjoying doing unromantic things together too.

Couples who are friends know how to act silly and make boring things such as running errands much more enjoyable. They genuinely enjoy spending quality time together and sharing a life.

This is the kind of chemistry that can withstand the test of time, and if you’re looking for The One, they need to be your friend forever, especially when things get boring or tough.

People sometimes force a relationship because of great physical chemistry, but this is not enough to make a relationship work. The real spark is in your everyday life, not just in the bedroom.

11. Your love is an addiction.

A woman with a pensive expression rests her head on her hand, looking closely at a man who is facing away from the camera, out of focus. The image conveys a sense of contemplation and emotion shared between the two individuals.

Maybe you started reading this article and thought, “What? I’m making myself love my partner? No, I’m crazy about them!”

But how “crazy” are you? There’s a quick spark that people often confuse for real love. Perhaps you are addicted to this person and are always chasing the pleasure that you gain from that addiction.

While love can feel addictive, it has to include trust, commitment, and respect for it to be a lasting spark, instead of something unattainable and unhealthy.

It’s also important to feel safe in a relationship for it to have real potential. If your love feels more like an addiction, it’s not love in the healthy sense of the word.

12. It’s difficult to love each other.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a white shirt sits on a light-colored sofa, looking contemplative and resting her head on her hand. In the background, a man with short hair in a white shirt and jeans sits, looking away and slightly blurred.

You want to love them, but it’s difficult. Maybe you have a lot of problems in your relationship, you’re too different, or they’re not really your type.

Of course, you shouldn’t give up on a relationship when things get difficult, but is it hard to love the person you’re with? Do you really love them, or do you just wish you could?

Maybe you think that they are amazing. They look good, they have a great personality and treat you nice. But you’re just not feeling it. It’s not them, and it’s not you either, it’s the way you connect, or, to be more precise, don’t connect.

Maybe, instead, they’re making it difficult for you to love them because they have a difficult or even problematic personality. Could you be with them forever if things never change a bit? Would you want to? Don’t force a relationship because you hope for them to change one day.

13. You don’t agree on the important things.

A man in a blue plaid shirt sits beside a distressed woman with blond hair on a couch. He has his arm around her and his hand on her knee, offering comfort as she holds her head in her hands. They appear to be having a serious conversation.

A lasting spark often comes from shared goals and values, a similar sense of humor, and a connection that leads to intimacy – not just the physical kind. Most importantly, it doesn’t feel forced.

When you don’t agree on the important things, you might feel like you’re having to really push something that shouldn’t be that difficult. You need to be on the same page for things to work out, and if you’re not compatible enough, no amount of effort will make up for it.

You don’t have to be exactly the same, but you should be able to agree on the important things.

For instance, maybe you don’t want kids while your partner is ready and eager to start a family. If your goals are too different, your plans for the future will differ too, and that’s when you probably shouldn’t force a future together.

14. You only love them sometimes.

A woman sits on a couch, looking down and holding her temples with her fingers, appearing stressed. Next to her, a man in glasses and a blue sweater gestures with his hands and speaks, looking concerned. They are in a well-lit room with blurred background.

Maybe you love them when you are on a romantic date, but you don’t love them when you’re drinking morning coffee the next day.

Perhaps you love them when you’re attending family gatherings, but you don’t love them when you’re with your friends.

Love is not something that you can occasionally feel toward someone due to external factors. It’s a feeling that’s supposed to come from within and last with consistency.

It’s not always easy and convenient to love them, but you love them, nonetheless. Anything other than that is not the real love that you want and deserve to have in your life.

So, don’t force it by putting yourself in situations where you could get yourself to imagine that you love them.

15. You are forcing yourself to love them.

A woman with long hair is sitting and looking down thoughtfully, while a man sits behind her, glancing in her direction with a hand on his neck. Both appear to be indoors with a bright, softly lit background.

When it’s the real deal, you just know. You can’t really explain it or pinpoint what exactly is causing it, but it’s there.

And when it’s not there, you know too. Maybe you can’t put your finger on it, but you feel that something important is missing.

You don’t feel the love that you know you can feel. You’re fond of them and want it to work, but you can’t make yourself fall in love with them.

Don’t force yourself to love them if you’re not feeling it. There doesn’t need to be a specific reason for your lack of affection. It’s not always about who they are or who you are, it’s about who you are as a match, and you’re probably not a good one.

16. You are forcing them to love you.

A woman and a man sit closely on a couch. The woman, wrapped in a blanket, is whispering into the man's ear while smiling. The man is holding a bouquet of pink roses and looking at the camera. They are in a cozy, modern living room with shelves and plants in the background.

Maybe you love them with all of your heart, but you know that they don’t feel the same way about you.

Still, you want them so badly that you’re forcing them to love you and stay with you. If they expressed the wish to end the relationship or don’t want to commit to you, you should definitely let them go.

You can’t force a person to love you or to be in a relationship with you. Even if you succeed in making them stick around, it won’t be good for you and your partner. You won’t be able to have a healthy relationship.

Why would you even want one with someone who can’t reciprocate your feelings? You should be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them.

17. You know that it’s over, but you don’t want to accept it.

A man and a woman sit on a couch with their arms crossed, facing forward. Both are wearing light blue shirts and jeans. The background appears to be a softly lit living room, but their facial expressions are not visible as the image is cropped at their shoulders.

Whether you’re forcing it or they are, you know that it’s over.

Maybe you broke up with them in your head, or you’re aware that they want to end things with you. Still, you can’t accept it, and you’re still clinging to the relationship.

Maybe you’re afraid of losing them or of being single again. But those are not good enough reasons to stay in a relationship that’s already over.

Maybe you talked about the breakup, or you’re just sensing that it’s coming.

Perhaps you even know that it’s the right thing to do, you just keep postponing it in the hopes that something will change.

Breakups always hurt, but when you’re looking for The One, it’s much worse to stay in a relationship that is not meant to last.

18. You are afraid of leaving them.

A man and a woman sit on a paved surface next to a car under the shade of trees. The man is wearing a white shirt and appears to be talking, while the woman in a pink top looks directly at the camera with a serious expression.

You want to break up with them, but you are afraid of it. You don’t want to break their heart, you’re afraid of change, or you’re afraid of being alone.

In any case, fear is making you force a relationship that you actually want to get out of. You need to beat your fear and go after what you really want in life.

Perhaps you’re staying in the relationship out of guilt too, not just fear. Guilt is no more noble a reason, even if it seems that way.

If a future with them is not what you want, give both of you a chance to find someone you could have a future with. Don’t stick to a relationship out of fear.