If You Do Any Of These 16 Things, You Lack Self-Respect

Are you disrespecting yourself?

A man with short brown hair and a beard, wearing a grey t-shirt, is sitting at a table outdoors. He appears to be deep in thought, looking down at something out of the frame. The background is blurred with greenery and a patio setting.

Respect—it’s something we all feel we deserve from other people, but do we ever stop to ask ourselves whether we are respecting ourselves?

You may not even realize it, but you could be displaying some of the many signs of disrespect to the person staring at you in the mirror.

Ask yourself whether you can relate to any of the following:

1. You put on an act for the outside world.

A woman with long brown hair is sitting on a couch in a modern living room. Wearing a white shirt and light-colored pants, she looks relaxed with one hand in her hair and the other holding a smartphone. Her expression is calm and content.

Who you really are on the inside is not who you seek to portray to the people you meet.

Instead, you act out a character of your own creation because you feel that it will be deemed more acceptable and more liked by society.

In essence, you are ashamed of who you really are and rarely ever show it unless among very close friends and family.

2. You speak badly of yourself.

A woman with long hair in a brown sweater sits closely beside a man with short dark hair, glasses, and a denim shirt, who appears distressed. She comforts him with a concerned expression as he gestures with his hands, sitting on the couch in a cozy room.

You are forever playing down your gifts, talents, and desirable qualities because you just can’t bring yourself to have pride in them.

What’s more, you don’t just speak ill of yourself to other people, but also as part of your inner monologue and self-talk.

You always seem to be putting yourself down instead of building yourself up and it leads to you—and others—believing in your illusory shortcomings.

3. You put others ahead of yourself.

A concerned woman with long dark hair stands indoors, holding a phone to her ear. She is wearing a striped blouse and is looking off into the distance. The background is a kitchen with shelves containing jars and containers, and some wooden cabinets.

You are a kind and helpful soul, but you will always put the needs of other people ahead of your own.

This can take many forms, but they all come back to the same core principle—you don’t take care of yourself anywhere near as well as you try to take care of others.

Whether it’s giving over your time, energy, money, or health, you always prioritize the other person, even if it’s to your own detriment.

4. You punish yourself for “failings.”

A young woman is lying on a gray couch, looking pensive and slightly sad. She is wearing a light gray t-shirt and has her arms resting on her stomach. The background is softly blurred, with a glimpse of shelves and books.

If anything should go wrong in your life, you are quick to lay the blame on your own doorstep.

You see failure where others would see lessons, you berate yourself for not living up to expectations, and you exact punishment when you should be showing kindness.

You are so hard on yourself that even when you do succeed at something, you put it down to luck rather than persistence or ability.

5. You hide your emotions.

You see sadness, worry, and vulnerability as weaknesses that ought not to be displayed in the public forum. Likewise, you tame your happiness, joy, and excitement for fear of coming across as arrogant or boastful.

In fact, you suppress most of your emotions the majority of the time and deny yourself the benefits of feeling things deeply and truly.

6. You do not speak up when hurt.

Two women sit on a white couch, both looking away from each other with upset expressions. The woman in the foreground has her head resting on her hand, wearing a pink tank top and red pants, while the other woman sits with her arms crossed, wearing a beige tank top.

If someone inflicts physical or emotional pain upon you, there is a good chance that you will keep quiet instead of standing up for yourself.

Perhaps you think you deserve it, or maybe you just believe you’re not strong enough to exert any influence over the situation.

Either way, you allow yourself to be a doormat – letting everyone walk all over you rather than raise your voice in opposition.

7. You stay friends with people who do not respect you.

A woman with long hair is sitting and looking down thoughtfully, while a man sits behind her, glancing in her direction with a hand on his neck. Both appear to be indoors with a bright, softly lit background.

You can’t possibly respect yourself if you continually spend time with people who show you none themselves.

Liars, cheaters, time wasters, manipulators—these are the types of people who, if you let them, will take and take without giving back.

If you believe that you are being dishonorable by cutting all ties with such people, just remind yourself that friendship requires respect and that this makes them no friend of yours.

8. You seek the approval of others.

A smiling elderly woman with short blonde hair and a younger man with short brown hair are having a friendly conversation in a bright kitchen. The woman is wearing a striped blue shirt, and the man is in a light blue shirt. Kitchen items are visible in the background.

You are forever looking to other people for validation and approval. Whether regarding your actions, feelings, looks, or beliefs, you are overly concerned with having the consent and agreement of others.

You find it difficult to make life decisions—both big and small—without the input of numerous friends.

You want to know that your opinion is generally in line with those of others and you will actively change your mind if it is not.

9. You take responsibility for things that are out of your control.

A man and a woman sitting on a yellow sofa in a well-lit room. The man, wearing glasses and a brown sweater, holds the woman's hands while she looks down with a serious expression, wearing a white t-shirt and grey pants. They seem to be having a heartfelt conversation.

Despite not taking responsibility for your own life, you seem to want to take it for everything else.

When a loved one fails, it’s because you didn’t help them enough; when the company you work for has a bad year, it’s you that was found lacking; when a night out with friends ends in disaster, it’s your fault for not organizing it properly.

You are so keen to take the blame for things that you have no control over, that you let others off the hook when the failing is clearly theirs.

10. You bite your tongue to avoid conflict.

A woman with blonde hair looks pensively over her shoulder, resting her chin on her hand. In the blurred background, a man with a beard and blue shirt sits facing away. The scene appears to depict a tense or contemplative moment between the two.

If there is something said that you take issue with, you’d much rather stay silent than risk conflict by disagreeing.

In this way, you let others assume your complicit agreement, and you do nothing to try and stand up for your beliefs.

You tend to assume that your views do not hold quite so much weight because maybe you aren’t as well informed on a particular matter.

And you’re afraid of the pain that you may feel by having your views attacked or disregarded.

11. You betray your morals.

A woman with long brown hair and wearing a dark blazer gazes thoughtfully out of a window. Natural light illuminates her face, highlighting her contemplative expression.

Not only will you keep quiet rather than arguing your point, you are even prepared to act against your morals in order to avoid potentially upsetting other people.

You will do so with a heavy heart, but you neglect your true feelings and beliefs in order not to cause trouble.

12. You try to please everybody else.

A man with short, reddish hair and a beard is standing against a dark background. He is wearing a red and blue plaid shirt over a white t-shirt. The man has a concerned or worried expression, with his hands clasped together in front of him.

Many of the above points come back to one core desire—that of pleasing everybody you come in contact with.

You are so keen to be liked, so reliant on others to shower you with praise, that you go to extraordinary lengths to make others happy.

While making others happy is a noble pursuit, if you only do so in the hope that they accept you, then it proves that you value how others view you over how you view yourself.

13. You judge other people.

A young woman stands with her eyes closed, looking distressed, and her hand on her forehead. She is in focus and in the foreground. In the background, four young people are pointing at her and laughing. They are outside in a park or natural setting.

When you’re not too busy being jealous of others, you find time to pour scorn over the way certain people think or behave.

You happily gossip about others, questioning their choices and their lifestyle.

You judge in this way so that you may ignore your own shortcomings rather than have to face up to them.

14. You find yourself telling lies.

A person with long dark hair lies in bed, resting their head on a white pillow while looking at a smartphone held in their right hand. The person is under a white blanket, and the room has a soft blue light. The person has a pensive expression.

Instead of being true to yourself, you choose to project an image out into the world and this, by its very nature, requires you to lie in order to maintain the pretense.

Lies to other people are reflected back by the mirror of conscience and lead to a sense of great unease within.

15. You dwell on the bad and overlook the good.

A young man with short brown hair, wearing a beige jacket and blue jeans, sits outdoors by a body of water, looking thoughtful and resting his head on his arm. A camouflage-patterned backpack is beside him. Fall foliage is visible in the background.
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Your focus in life is far more weighted towards the negative than it is the positive.

You wallow in self-pity when things go against you, and yet times of happiness are quick to pass into memory.

You believe yourself so unworthy of good that you use the bad to remind you of this; continually mulling over all the negative events in order to punish yourself for ever feeling happy.

16. You don’t believe in yourself.

A thoughtful man gazes out of a window, resting his arm on the frame while holding a pen. He is wearing a light blue button-up shirt over a white t-shirt. The background is blurred with a partial view of the outdoors.

You simply don’t believe that you are capable of being a beacon of light in the world, so you fill yourself with doubt and repress your nature for fear of being ridiculed.

You simply can’t begin to realize your potential because you see yourself as less than others, somehow deficient in that which is required to stand up and stand out.