If your long-distance relationship is going to last, you must do these 13 things

Do these things to give your long-distance relationship a chance

A person takes a selfie using a tablet outdoors. The tablet screen shows a woman with red hair, wearing a black leather jacket and bright red lipstick, smiling at the camera. The background features a city street with parked cars and trees.

There’s no getting away from it: long-distance relationships are tough.

They take a lot of work, almost always involve sacrifice, and they don’t work for everyone.

But they can also be wonderful, rewarding, and entirely sustainable for long periods of time, if you can get the balance right.

Long-distance relationships can come into being for all kinds of reasons and take many different forms.

They can start off as long-distance, or a change in circumstances might mean that you go from seeing each other every day to suddenly living in opposite corners of the country, or even the planet.

No two relationships are ever the same, and no one else can really know or understand what goes on between the two of you.

I’ve been in a few long-distance relationships over the years, and they’ve all had their own struggles, their own niggles, their own high points, and their own benefits.

Yes, benefits.

There are good things about being away from your partner, too, much as it might be hard to believe if you’re currently finding it tough.

Perhaps this is your first foray into the realms of long-distance relationships. Or maybe you’ve tried it before and it didn’t work out, but you’re determined to make a go of it this time.

Either way, it can’t hurt to be armed with a few key pieces of advice to help you deal with the inevitable difficulties that you will face.

1. Make trust the foundation of your relationship.

A young man in a black tank top and sunglasses and a young woman wearing a black leather jacket and sunglasses share earphones and listen to music together, both smiling. They are outside on an industrial balcony railing. The background shows a cloudy sky.

However you decide to do things, the cornerstone of any relationship, long-distance or not, is trust.

You need to be secure in the knowledge that you can trust your partner to be honest with you and loyal to you, whatever it is that loyalty means to you.

If you don’t trust your partner, you’re in for a lot of worry and heartache, and the relationship won’t be sustainable.

2. Make the most of your time alone.

A person with short brown hair, black-framed glasses, and a slight beard and mustache smiles at the camera while wearing an orange jacket and a gray scarf. The background features a blurred street scene with trees and buildings.

This is your time.

Much as it’s incredible to have a partner, it can be pretty time consuming. And sharing your life with someone is always going to involve compromise.

So, make the most of this time with yourself. Start new hobbies or go on solo trips. Learn what it means to be by yourself.

3. Always have your next meeting set in stone.

A woman with curly hair embraces and nuzzles a smiling man with curly hair. She has her arms wrapped around his shoulders and they are both enjoying the intimate moment. The background is softly blurred.

Sometimes, regular meetings just aren’t feasible. And even if you could see your partner every other weekend theoretically, that doesn’t mean you should.

Make sure you’re not sacrificing a short period of time that you’re meant to be spending discovering somewhere new by constantly flying or driving back and forth.

Whatever your circumstances and however far in the future your next meeting might be, it’s always a good idea to have a date set.

If necessary, book the flights so you know for sure when you’re seeing each other next and can start the countdown.

Knowing for certain that you’ll see someone on a specific date three months from now can be much easier to process than a vague agreement that you’ll see each other sometime next month.

4. Revel in your independence.

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It’s easy to come to rely on a partner to do things for you. To deal with the spider, organize your social calendar, or whatever it may be.

Use this time to prove to yourself just how capable you are, and rid yourself of any codependent tendencies you might have developed.

A relationship should be about actively choosing to spend time with your partner because of the joy they bring you, not depending on them to function.

5. Let them know you’re thinking of them.

A woman with long brown hair is sitting on a couch in a modern living room. Wearing a white shirt and light-colored pants, she looks relaxed with one hand in her hair and the other holding a smartphone. Her expression is calm and content.

When you’re apart, good morning and good night texts are essential.

Other than that, get creative with your communication. Send cute GIFs or voice notes. Send them links to articles you know they’ll find interesting.

6. Don’t over-communicate.

A woman lying in bed while taking a selfie with her smartphone, winking at the camera. She is under a white, patterned blanket. A man is sleeping next to her. The room has a serene atmosphere with soft lighting.

Don’t feel the need to be glued to your phone all day every day. There’s only so much you can talk about, and they probably don’t need to hear about what you had for lunch. Again.

Less can very much be more, with fewer texts during the day meaning you genuinely have something to tell them when you FaceTime them in the evening.

7. Speak via video call.

A person sits on a couch holding a tablet, video calling a smiling person lying on a bed. The background shows a cozy, well-lit room with soft furnishings. Both individuals appear happy and engaged in their conversation.

Make sure you set aside time for long video calls, rather than just messaging or speaking on the phone.

It’s important to be able to see each other’s faces whilst you speak, registering their body language and picking up on anything that’s implied rather than said.

8. Settle disagreements in person where possible.

A woman and a man are sitting outdoors on a bench, engaged in a conversation. The woman is leaning forward with her arms resting on her knees, wearing a white sleeveless top and sunglasses on her head. The man in a white t-shirt is touching his forehead. Trees are in the background.

All couples argue or disagree on certain things. Try not to have these disagreements via messages as miscommunication is almost guaranteed.

Instead, agree to discuss the issue in more detail the next time you meet in person. Failing that, try to do it on a video call or phone call. This will help you work through things more effectively.

9. Send gifts and letters by post.

A person in a red shirt is holding a bouquet of flowers and a large teddy bear, presenting them towards the viewer as if making a delivery. The background shows a bright, outdoor setting.

We live in a digital world, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn the clock back too. Write them letters (even love letters), or send postcards from places you visit.

On special occasions, get online and send them flowers, or internet shop for something you know they’d love.

It’s not about spending huge amounts of money, but about putting thought and love into all your gifts.

10. Stay positive and be grateful.

A woman with long brown hair is sitting on a grey couch, holding a white coffee cup and a stuffed animal. She is smiling brightly, and in the background, there is a brick wall, a window with a potted plant on the sill, and a standing lamp.

Sure, it’s not going to be easy. That’s just the reality of it. But there’s absolutely no point in focusing on the negatives and the challenges.

Focus on how lucky you are to have them and on all the reasons you’re doing this.

11. Prepare for the pain of goodbyes.

A man and woman stand close together at a train station, looking into each other's eyes. The man wears a brown jacket and a black backpack, while the woman is dressed in a light blue coat. They appear to be enjoying a tender moment amidst the busy setting.

Whilst the highs of seeing your partner again after time spent apart are exhilarating, the lows of parting ways are hard to bear.

It is shortly after you’ve said goodbye that the pain is worst and you might find yourself questioning why you are doing this.

To avoid falling into a pit of doubt and despair, organize your life so that you are suitably distracted in the days immediately after a separation.

Make plans with friends or family. Take a little trip somewhere. Decorate a room in your house. Start a project that gets you excited.

Do anything to avoid throwing a pity party for yourself. Sure, eat that ice cream and watch a rom-com, but then pick yourself up and focus on something that will keep your mind busy until the pain eases.

12. Create shared experiences.

Two people are kayaking on a calm body of water. The person in the foreground is in a yellow kayak, and the one in the background is in an orange kayak. Both are holding paddles and wearing sunglasses, enjoying a sunny day with trees visible in the distance.

It’s important to have things to discuss with your partner other than just your respective weekend plans.

You need to find ways to build your connection and discover more about how one another’s minds work.

Doing things like watching the same films or TV series, reading the same books, or listening to the same podcasts can provide endless hours of interesting conversation and make you feel closer.

13. Create a shared future plan.

A man and a woman sit in a car, smiling at each other. The man, wearing a white shirt, is in the driver's seat with his hands on the steering wheel. The woman, with long blonde hair and a pink top, is in the passenger seat looking at him. Both appear happy and relaxed.