If You Want More Alone Time In Your Relationship, Take This Approach

“I Need Alone Time” – 8 Ways To Help Your Partner Understand

A young woman with long hair sits at a wooden picnic table outdoors, engrossed in reading a book. She is wearing a light-colored shirt, and the background features lush green trees and grass, suggesting a serene and peaceful park setting.

If you want to ask your partner for more alone time, you have to approach the subject with some sensitivity. It’s not a big deal, and it’s healthy for your relationship, but if you don’t phrase it right, you might make your partner think that you don’t enjoy spending time with them or that you’re unsure about the relationship.

This is why it’s important to follow certain steps and truly help your partner understand this need, especially if they don’t crave time to themselves.

Let’s start with the most important step.

1. Reassure your partner that your relationship is not in trouble.

A couple stands closely on an outdoor balcony, their foreheads touching. The woman, wearing a red jacket, gently holds the collar of the man's denim jacket. Both have their eyes closed in a tender moment. City buildings and a handrail are visible in the background.

Look at things from your partner’s point of view. They might assume that you want to spend less time with them because you don’t care about them anymore. To them, this could seem like the beginning of the end of your relationship.

So, make sure to reassure them that your relationship is not in trouble and that there’s nothing wrong, you just need more time to yourself to unwind and do whatever it is that you plan on doing.

Don’t say things like “we should see each other less often” or “I just need some time and space,” but instead help them understand that this is not a threat to your relationship.

Talk to them about your life and everything else that’s going on. You probably have a job, a family, friends, and hobbies, and you also need to make time for yourself.

Reassure them that the time you spend with them is your top priority, but you also have other things in your life and have to make room for your own needs and interests.

2. Help them to understand that it’s healthy to spend time apart in a relationship.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a small table in a brightly-lit cafe. They appear to be engaged in a deep conversation, with their attention focused on each other. A small potted plant and a glass are on the table.

To have a successful relationship, you need quality time together. But you also need a healthy amount of time away from each other.

When people fall in love, they often put other things in their life on hold and give their entire attention to their new partner. Eventually, though, you have to get back to your life and hopefully keep your partner as a part of it.

Your partner could get scared that you’re losing interest in them because you don’t want to spend as much time with them as you used to. So, try to make them realize that spending time apart brings with it many benefits to the relationship.

People can become too dependent in a relationship or start feeling suffocated when they focus all of their time and energy on each other. You need time to miss each other and stay eager to see each other again because you could quickly get bored in the relationship if you spend all your free time together

Just don’t use the words “suffocated” or “bored” when you’re trying to explain your need. Don’t focus on avoiding a negative emotion by spending time apart; focus on creating a positive one instead.

3. Explain why you need alone time.

A man and a woman sit on a blue couch having an animated conversation. The man, gesturing with his hands, wears a light blue shirt and jeans, while the woman, listening intently, wears a beige sweater and jeans. A plant and a shelf with books are in the background.

Have you been feeling stressed out because you don’t have enough time for yourself? Maybe you are feeling anxious, depressed, or simply overbooked.

Let your partner know why you need to go off and do your own thing once in a while. For instance, maybe you’ll be in a better mood and have more energy. It will even help you give more of your attention to them when you do spend time together.

Be specific. Do you need it to watch movies, paint, play video games, exercise, or simply relax and unwind? Your partner will be much more understanding if you let them in on what you need that time for.

Right now, focus on the way not having alone time makes you feel and how you could explain those feelings to your partner.

4. Emphasize that you enjoy spending time with them.

Two people sit at a table with a red checkered tablecloth outside a cafe. They are holding hands, smiling, and wearing sunglasses. Drinks, including iced coffees, are on the table. The background shows a window reflecting greenery and outdoor furniture.

Depending on how you deliver your message, your partner might get the impression that you don’t enjoy spending time with them. Prevent this by emphasizing that you care about them, enjoy your time together, and wish to spend plenty more of your time with them.

Not having alone time makes you feel stressed out, but this is not their fault; you just have to put your energy into a lot of different things, and it leaves you with little or no time for yourself.

When you get your alone time, you might spend less time with them, but you’ll be able to enjoy the time you do spend together even more since you’ll be relaxed and energized.

Maybe what relaxes you is spending the entire day in bed or dedicating some of your time to your favorite hobby. Try to help you partner understand that you value these things and the time to do them.

Also, thinking of an activity or a hobby that you could enjoy together will remind your partner that, while there are things that you enjoy doing by yourself, there are things that you would love to do and share with them.

5. Encourage them to value time to themselves.

A man wearing a mustard yellow cap, bright yellow shirt, maroon blazer, and plaid pants is sitting in a gray chair with his eyes closed. He is holding a white coffee cup in his right hand and appears relaxed. Light filters through a window in the background.

What does your partner enjoy doing on their own? They probably also have a life outside of the relationship, so encourage them to make the most of the time you spend apart.

Support their hobbies and passions, and let them know that you’d be thrilled if they would dedicate more of their time to do the things that they love doing.

Maybe the two of you have been spending most of your free time together at the beginning of your relationship, so both of you have neglected other things you used to do with that time. Show interest in things they are passionate about, and encourage them to go back to their hobbies or pursue new interests.

You could even coordinate schedules and plan your time apart so that you both have something to fill it with. Maybe they have been dying to spend the day in their PJs, so your need for me-time will come as a relief.

You can even suggest things that they could do, like watching movies that you’re not interested in but they are, or simply running a bubble bath and pampering themselves.

6. Stay calm when you talk to your partner, and don’t turn it into a fight.

A man and a woman sitting on a yellow sofa in a well-lit room. The man, wearing glasses and a brown sweater, holds the woman's hands while she looks down with a serious expression, wearing a white t-shirt and grey pants. They seem to be having a heartfelt conversation.

Approach this conversation with a dose of sensitivity so as not to make your partner feel threatened or rejected. Don’t turn it into a fight by blaming them for not having enough time for yourself or mentioning their negative habits.

Use “I” statements instead. This means that, instead of pointing the finger at them and making it about things they do or make you feel, you say something like, “I don’t have enough time for things I love doing, so I’m feeling stressed out.”

If you instead say something like, “Being with you doesn’t give me enough time for myself and you need to understand how you make me feel,” the conversation is likely to turn into a fight.

So, make sure to think about what you are going to say ahead of time, in order to send your message across in a good way.

7. Let them in on what exactly you’ll be doing.

A person with short hair, seen from behind, is holding a video game controller and playing a soccer video game on a large screen. The room is dimly lit with a pink and blue glow, illuminating the player and the screen.

Will you be using your time to exercise, watch TV, or write a novel? Your partner might feel left out or even suspicious if you don’t let them in on what exactly you’ll be doing during your alone time.

You’re probably not going to do the same thing every time, so don’t keep your partner in the dark. Open up to them about the things you do with the time you get to yourself. It will be much easier for them to stay understanding and respectful of your needs if they are always aware of what you’re doing during that time.

If you need it for a hobby, talk to them about it, and they will probably be supportive. Getting alone time doesn’t have to be a big deal, and hopefully they won’t make it one if they know what you’re doing and why.

8. Show them how getting some time and space to yourself makes you feel.

A bearded person with a man bun, wearing a light green shirt and rolled-up jeans, smiles while walking along the beach during sunset. They have their hands in their pockets and the ocean waves are visible in the background.

Your partner will certainly be okay with giving you space if you return calmer, happier, and prepared to focus entirely on them while you’re together. Sure, you may tell them that alone time is healthy for you and your relationship, but nothing will reassure them as much as actually seeing the results for themselves.

So, make an effort to use your alone time to make yourself happy, and make your partner happy when you spend time together. Once you both have fulfilling lives besides your love life, you’ll be happier together anyway.