If you feel disconnected from your spouse, make these 12 changes in your marriage

Feeling distant from your spouse recently?

A man with short brown hair and a beard smiles at a woman with long brown hair in an outdoor setting. Both are dressed casually in green jackets, standing close together with trees and sunlight filtering through the background, creating a serene atmosphere.

Maybe you can’t get over an argument or you feel like the romance has dwindled over time.

But with the right attitude and a few small changes, you can get back on better terms.

Relationships take effort to thrive. Once you’re married, it’s easy to get distracted by everything else you’ve got going on in life and stop giving your relationship the attention it deserves.

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, see this as a wake up call to start prioritizing each other again.

Feeling like you and your spouse need some help to reconnect? Read on to see some top tips on how to start:

1. Talk to them.

A man and a woman sit facing each other, resting their heads on their hands in a cozy and modern living room with gray furniture and large windows. They are engaged in an intimate and thoughtful conversation. A lush plant is visible in the background.

It takes two of you to rekindle a connection, so if you’re feeling distant from your spouse, be open with them and talk about wanting to get your relationship back to a good place.

Think about whether you’re feeling disconnected from them because of something they’ve done to upset you. If there is an unresolved issue between you, you could be shutting yourself off from them subconsciously.

If left, the problem will rot at the heart of your relationship and drive you apart. Speaking to them about the issue will help you find the closure you need from it and allow you to move on together.

If you need more from your spouse in terms of attention and affection, bring it up to them in a constructive way, giving examples of how they can give you what you need. They won’t know they aren’t doing enough unless you tell them.

Be open with your feelings and remember that, even though you’re married, it doesn’t mean your partner can read your mind. You’ll need their support to make a positive change to your marriage, so start by talking to them and watch how things progress.

2. Get physical.

A woman with long blonde hair and a gray scarf closes her eyes and smiles while hugging a man dressed in a gray coat and scarf. She gently places her hand on the back of his head. They are outdoors on a chilly day.

We forget how much of an effect physical touch has on us. A lingering kiss, a tight hug, even a brush of the hand all can suddenly reignite the chemistry between you.

If you feel as though you’ve lost the spark, make an effort to create more of a physical connection with your partner.

Something as little as touching their arm as you speak to them or holding their hand again while you walk, can be enough to remind you both of the special bond you have with each other.

Intimacy is an important part of a relationship and can be pushed aside because of tiredness and busy schedules. Physical intimacy is something special that you only share with each other, so use it as a tool to get back that connection you crave.

Reminding your spouse of the way it feels to be touched and encouraging them to do the same could be all it takes to make you feel connected again and recapture the magic your relationship has been lacking.

3. Take a trip down memory lane.

A young couple enjoys a sunny day biking through a lush, green park. The man, in a tan t-shirt and maroon shorts, and the woman, in a yellow shirt and denim shorts, both sporting backpacks and sunglasses, smile while riding. A basket of flowers is attached to the woman's bike.

Spend some time going through old photos or try recreating one of your favorite dates.

Reminiscing over good times together can be a fun exercise, bringing back those happy memories and reminding you both of all the wonderful shared experiences you have as a couple.

If you feel as though you’ve drifted apart because you’ve got too caught up in everything outside your marriage, going back over some happy memories can remind you of the people you were at your best.

Recognizing how you have changed over time could be the realization you need to reprioritize what matters to you in life and start putting more effort back into your marriage.

Hopefully, remembering the good times will be encourage you both to start planning some more trips and dates where you can create new memories and get the most out of your relationship again.

4. Start dating again.

A woman with dark hair smiles while holding a glass of red wine, looking at a man with his back to the camera. The scene is outdoors with greenery in the background. The woman is wearing a sleeveless top and large hoop earrings.

I mean with each other…

The start of a new relationship is always exciting. You make an effort for each other, taking time to get dressed up and choosing somewhere nice to go.

Once we become comfortable around each other and get married, we can stop prioritizing date nights and instead fall into the habit of PJs and takeaways.

It’s great that you have reached a point where you are completely happy to be yourself around each other and don’t feel the need to impress. But by scheduling in regular date nights, you make the time to still impress one another and show that you care about looking and feeling good for your spouse.

Everyone is more attractive when they are looking and feeling their best, so swap out your tracksuit for a nice outfit and spend some dedicated time doing something nice together.

You don’t always have to go to a fancy restaurant, the important thing is spending time focused on each other without distractions and having the much needed opportunity to reconnect as a couple.

5. Make a bucket list.

Two people are enjoying a drive in a convertible car. The sun is shining brightly, casting a warm glow on them. The person on the left, wearing a striped shirt, is driving, while the person on the right, with long hair, is smiling and raising their hand in joy.

When you first get into a relationship with someone, you have all these hopes and dreams of what you’ll do together and all the things you’ll accomplish. They might be big dreams like buying a house together, or much smaller plans like going on holiday.

As time goes on in a marriage and you’ve shared more experiences and achieved most of your goals, you stop planning things to work toward as a couple. You start to feel lethargic in your relationship, with nothing to look forward to. It can make you think that you’ve lost interest in each other.

Sitting down to plan a bucket list with your partner is an easy way to get back some of the excitement from your early days together.

Try listing things, big and small, that you both want to do, but make sure they’re things you can do together. It can give you a fresh insight into you partner and yourself as you list new things you want to achieve together.

Give yourselves a realistic time frame and regularly revisit the list to tick off activities you’ve accomplished.

Not only will you have things to look forward to as a couple, making new memories together, but you’ll have a shared sense of achievement in completing your list.

Hopefully you’ll be encouraged to keep pushing the boundaries of your experiences as a couple, preventing life from ever getting boring.

6. Give each other your full attention.

A couple sits closely together at a table, smiling at each other warmly. They are both holding beige mugs, with a cozy, relaxed atmosphere created by soft lighting. The woman has her hair in a ponytail, and the man has a beard and short hair.

We’ve all been guilty of it… you’re spending time with your spouse but both of you are sitting their scrolling through your phones, checking up on social media or replying to friends.

It’s a dangerous habit to get caught up in because even when you think you’re spending time together, you’re not really giving each other your full attention.

Ignoring other distractions becomes even harder if you add work or children into the mix. When there is always something else to be done, focusing on your partner stops being the priority.

Just because you’re used to your partner being there all the time, doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve to have your full attention when you get the chance. It’s a sign of respect to each other to put your full focus on what you’re saying and doing together.

Make sure, for date nights at least, that you make a conscious effort to put away your phones and carve out some time just for the both of you. You’ll both appreciate the attentiveness and it will give you a chance to properly reconnect and share some valuable time.

7. Spend time together meaningfully.

A woman and a man are in a bright, modern kitchen preparing a meal. The woman, smiling, hands on the counter, looks at the man who holds an eggplant towards her. Fresh vegetables and glasses of orange juice are on the counter. Shelves with jars are in the background.

Although we might say we’ve spent an evening together, half watching a soap on the TV while checking our phones and mumbling ‘wait, who did what?’ every so often to each other, doesn’t exactly count.

Just because you’re next to each other in the same room, doesn’t mean you are spending quality time together.

It also doesn’t mean that watching TV together can’t be meaningful. It’s about how you approach an activity and whether you’re doing it actively or passively.

If you want to watch something, choose a movie together, get out your favorite snacks to share, put away your phones and give it your attention as though you’re at the cinema on a date. If you’re cooking dinner, make it a task you do together, chatting and interacting.

Purposefully approaching an activity together rather than falling into a habit is one of the simplest ways to find time to reconnect a little every day.

It’s about making the choice to be aware of your partner and give them your attention rather than just being in the same place.

It can’t always be fancy dates and exciting surprises, but changing your attitude toward the way you spend time together will quickly begin to make it more meaningful for the both of you.

8. Tell them what you appreciate about them.

A couple sits on a couch at home, facing each other and smiling. A tablet, a notebook, and headphones are on the coffee table in the foreground. They appear relaxed, engaging in a pleasant conversation.

We all like hearing something nice said about us once in while. When you’re getting to know each other dating, it’s natural to compliment each other, but this is something that can fall out of a relationship the longer it goes on.

Making more of an effort to verbally compliment your spouse, and in particular, tell them the things you appreciate about them, can be a way to encourage both of you to reconnect.

Not only will you be complimenting your spouse, but saying the things you appreciate about them is a reminder to you about all the things you are grateful to them for.

You might soon realize just how much you do value them, while giving a boost to their confidence too. The more they hear compliments from you, the more likely they are to return them, getting back some of that romantic spark you’re missing.

9. Consider life without them.

A pensive person sits on a grey couch, hugging their knees and gazing off into the distance. They have dark hair and wear a light blue denim shirt and black pants. The background includes a green wall and out-of-focus framed pictures.

It’s not a nice thought to have, but if you are really struggling to find that connection with your spouse, it might be worth reflecting on how different life would be without them.

It is said that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone, and it’s not unusual to be guilty of taking each other for granted as your marriage goes on.

Using some time to really think about what life would be like without your partner isn’t a pleasant exercise, but realizing how they impact you every day and what it would mean not to have them there any more could be the shock to your system you need to start engaging more in your own relationship.

Having space from each other and not having each other at all are entirely different scenarios. It’s healthy to have time for yourself in a relationship, but not having your partner at all and considering how that would really feel might make you appreciate what you have that little bit more.

Start making the most of the moments you do have together and actively appreciating each other. By engaging more in your relationship, you’ll find how much more you begin to get out of it.

10. Shake up your routine.

A man and a woman are standing in a bowling alley, each holding a bowling ball. The man is holding a black ball, and the woman is holding a red one. They appear to be conversing. Bowling pins and balls are visible in the foreground, and a beer bottle is on the table.

Avoid getting stuck in a rut of the same routine and shake things up with some surprises for your partner.

When you’re in a rut, you can become overly caught up in the same everyday pattern and start switching off from time spent with your spouse through the monotony of it all.

Changing your routine or planning a spontaneous surprise will shake you both out of your stupor and refocus your attention again on each other.

It doesn’t take something big to change things up, any difference you make after a period of being stuck in the same daily routine will re-energize you both and begin to reignite a connection between you.

It could be doing one of their chores for them, surprising them with their favorite meal, or planning a date night out. Keep each other on your toes with fun ideas and gestures and avoid getting swallowed up by repetition.

11. Volunteer together.

Two people are planting a small tree in a grassy area on a sunny day. The person on the left is crouching and holding the base of the tree, while smiling at the camera. The person on the right is kneeling, steadying the tree, and smiling as well. A wheelbarrow is to their left.

Not only does this involve you both taking time out to do something meaningful together, but you’ll be helping others as well as yourselves.

There’s nothing like volunteering to put life back into perspective when you’re feeling a little lost. Making this an activity you do with your spouse can help you reconnect over a common good and see the best in each other again.

It can be any type of volunteering, whether engaging with people, your community, or a charity.

Uniting together over a good cause will make into you a team once again and can help you appreciate what you have in your own lives and each other.

12. Build something together.

A woman and a man are assembling furniture in a bedroom. The woman is sitting on the bed, holding instruction papers and smiling, while the man is kneeling on the floor, using a screwdriver. Various furniture pieces and tools are scattered around them.

Big or small, it doesn’t matter, but ideally don’t choose something that will put too much pressure and stress on your relationship.

It can be as simple as a home craft kit or a DIY project you’ve been meaning to get around to for your house. The key part of this is to make sure it’s something both of you can engage in and do together.

Building something together means you have to carve out time to focus on a shared project. You’ll have time to chat and reconnect without distractions, as you put your energy into a common goal.

The success of the project will depend on the two of you listening and interacting with each other in a positive and encouraging way. You might begin to naturally compliment, help and support each other, all working to reconnect you with your relationship and remind you how much you care about this other person.

Once the project is completed you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that it was something you achieved together and be a reminder of the great team you are.

Final thoughts.

A couple sits on a couch in a cozy living room, smiling and looking into each other's eyes. The woman has blonde hair and wears a striped shirt, while the man has short black hair and wears a dark green shirt. A tray with orange juice and plates is in the foreground.

A marriage will not flourish unless it is tended to. At the heart of the life you’ve built together, the work, the house, the family, is a relationship between two people that still deserves attention.

Our interest in each other will change and develop over time. We’ve all been guilty of not making our relationship a priority and instead giving too much of our attention to everything else around us.

If you want to get back some of the chemistry and connection you had at the start of your relationship, then you have give it as much attention as you did back then. Look for new things to appreciate in each other, compliment and flirt with each other no matter how long you’ve been together.

A little bit of effort goes a long way in keeping that spark alive between you. Trust in the connection you had with this person that was strong enough to make you choose to spend your life with them. That connection between you is still there, and with a little more attention it can thrive.