11 Things That May Drive Your Partner To Have An Emotional Affair

11 Reasons Why People Engage In Emotional Affairs

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One of the many problems with emotional cheating is that it is really easy for the person to rationalize to themselves that their actions aren’t harmful.

“They are just a friend,” is a common statement because it’s easy to convince oneself that what they are doing isn’t wrong if it’s just a platonic friendship.

But it’s not a platonic friendship if the person feels they need to hide the relationship from their spouse.

Why might a person get into an emotional affair in the first place?

1. They don’t understand what they’re doing is wrong.

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People are not that emotionally intelligent.

It requires a great deal of self-awareness and emotional intelligence to understand why we’re doing the things that we’re doing, and even to realize that the things that we are doing may be harmful to other people.

2. They are a narcissist who requires constant attention and validation.

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Narcissists live and breathe off of the attention they get from other people.

Once you settle down into the monotony and consistency of a stable relationship, the narcissist may start looking outside of the relationship for the attention that they crave.

3. They are angry with you but are non-confrontational.

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Avoiding a problem is the far easier path than actually fighting for and dealing with it.

The person may engage in emotional cheating because they don’t want to face the issues in their relationship.

This can also be fueled by a partner who refuses to compromise or actually try to work out problems.

Sooner or later, the spouse just stops trying and their eye starts wandering to something they perceive to be better.

4. They are afraid of commitment.

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Committing to a single person is a scary proposition for a lot of people.

What if you made a mistake? What if there is something better out there? What if this person doesn’t turn out to be who you thought they were?

A person who is emotionally cheating may actually have commitment issues that prevent them from making a long-term relationship work.

5. They are afraid of being alone.

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On the other side of the fear of commitment is a fear of being alone.

This person is rarely single for long and usually has someone waiting in the wings to jump to if things aren’t going well in their relationship.

Keeping those avenues open to jump to another relationship requires emotional infidelity to keep the third party interested and attracted.

They may not be emotionally healthy enough to really focus on the single relationship.

6. They have poor boundaries and models for relationships.

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A person who has poor relationships modeled throughout their childhood and life will often jump into poor relationships.

They may view betrayal and cheating as just a normal part of a relationship if they haven’t learned that’s not the truth.

A person who watched their father betray their mother (or vice versa) over and over may come to think of that behavior as expected.

7. They have unresolved trauma, grief, or loss.

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It’s easy for a person to idealize someone who has passed away. The grief often causes us to overlook the negative things about the person and focus on only the good.

Losing someone can burn a hole in a person’s heart, and they may look outside of a relationship to fill that hole with qualities that the spouse doesn’t have as a way to be closer to their deceased loved one.

8. They don’t like feeling restricted and need to rebel.

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Some people are just not fit to lead a calm life. The responsibilities of work, family, and a relationship can feel oppressive, causing the person to lash out by looking for something outside of the relationship.

They may not want to feel restricted in the role they’ve chosen for themselves, and instead of addressing it, go outside of the relationship.

9. They are just not emotionally mature enough for a relationship.

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Relationships can be difficult, particularly when the negative parts of life start to really hit the couple.

Deaths, tragedies, lost income, and lost opportunities will all test a relationship.

The person who is emotionally cheating may not be emotionally mature enough to deal with all of that, so they use an emotional affair as a means to escape to a fantasy for a while.

After all, it’s much easier to idealize someone when you don’t have to live with them or deal with the negative parts of their personality day to day.

10. The relationship is over, but they won’t admit it to themselves.

A woman sits on a couch looking away with a concerned expression, while a man behind her places a hand on her shoulder, appearing to speak to her. The background shows a staircase and a lamp on a side table, creating a homey atmosphere.

Sometimes relationships run their course. Not everything is going to last forever.

The relationship might have clearly ended a while ago, with the loss of feelings and breaches of trust, but they might be afraid of admitting that to themselves or don’t want to be the bad guy by breaking up with the person.

They may choose emotional infidelity as a means to find their own happiness and give their partner a reason to break up with them, so they don’t have to take responsibility for being the bad guy by ending the relationship.

11. They struggle with impulse control and are looking for the rush.

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