14 Things You'll Wish You Knew About Life But Don't

You’re going to learn some important truths in the next few minutes.

A man with curly dark hair and a light beard is looking off into the distance with a confused or concerned expression. He is wearing a light-colored shirt and is photographed from a low angle. The background is out of focus, suggesting an indoor setting.

How often have you looked back at an experience and wished you had learned lessons from it far earlier?

We’ve all done that, more times than we can count.

Fortunately, we can also share the wisdom we’ve gleaned so we can learn from one another’s errors and avoid the same missteps.

Below are some of the most important things I wish I had known sooner.

1. You won’t know what a partner is really like until hardships arise.

A man and a woman sit on a couch in a living room, both looking towards the camera with serious expressions. The man wears a blue t-shirt and the woman wears a teal t-shirt. The room has white walls with shelves, a lamp, and a framed picture in the background.

Do you think you have a solid, healthy relationship? Then go camping or on vacation together in another country. See how your partner reacts to lost luggage, wild animals, and injuries.

Similarly, see how they respond to difficulties like serious illness or a death in the family. If they run away and make excuses instead of stepping up or handling things with grace, then you’ll know what kind of person you’re really dealing with.

2. Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.

A woman with long brown hair and wearing a pink sweater and blue jeans sits on the floor against a wall, looking distressed. She rests her forehead on her hand and has an expression of concern, with a bed and wardrobe visible in the background.

This is a really tough realization to come to, because it requires one to own up to the fact that they’re responsible for their own happiness and wellbeing.

If you’re miserable in your relationship but you haven’t ended it yet, then you’re choosing to suffer. Similarly, if your health is poor but could be improved with a few lifestyle adjustments, and you don’t implement those changes, then your poor health is your choice.

3. Do what must be done.

A man with a red beard and hair tied in a ponytail stands in an office, holding a tablet and looking out the window. He is wearing a green shirt, gray checkered pants, and suspenders. A desk with a monitor, keyboard, notebooks, and a potted plant is nearby.

Many of us avoid doing things because we don’t want to deal with related unpleasantness. But discomfort is inevitable. Some ugly things just need to be taken care of, because they’ll get worse if we avoid them. Don’t shirk personal responsibility and simply wish that things will get better: take a deep breath, and get it done.

4. You need to fail in order to succeed.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing a black outfit stands against a gray wall. She looks slightly upward with a contemplative expression, her hands gently touching her neck. The lighting creates a shadow of her on the wall.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to paint over canvases, recycle clay, or delete various files because I’ve fallen short of the mark. That’s more than okay, however, because each of these travesties has allowed me the opportunity to learn and grow.

5. You are not obligated to tolerate abuse from anyone, for any reason.

A split image shows two people in a heated argument. On the left, a man points his finger and looks seriously at the other person. On the right, a woman faces the man and appears to be shouting, with an angry expression. Both are wearing red shirts.

Many people tolerate horrible mistreatment from others for no good reason. They’ll let their parents abuse them verbally, emotionally, and even physically, because “family.” Similarly, they may not speak up when a colleague or employer is treating them unfairly out of fear that they’ll be let go. Don’t stand for this.

6. Saying “no” isn’t just okay: it’s recommended.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair, wearing a white shirt, is seen against an orange background. She has her right hand extended in front of her, palm facing outward, in a "stop" or "halt" gesture while looking away.

Think about all the times you’ve been downright miserable because you agreed to something you didn’t want. There’s nothing wrong with saying “no” if you have no interest in something. If someone takes offense because you don’t want what they do, then that’s their issue—not yours.

7. Substance abuse will lead to regret.

A man in a white shirt is sitting in a bar with several glass mugs of beer on the table in front of him. He is smiling, looking to his left, and raising his right hand as if waving or signaling. The background features a bar with various bottles.

When I worked at a ski resort years ago, a group of German tourists ended up hospitalized because they tried to ride a moose. Yes, copious amounts of alcohol were involved. While I haven’t personally tried to ride local wildlife, I’ve done my share of nonsense while under the influence of questionable substances.

Know that you aren’t as charming, brave, or invincible as you think you are when under the influence. It’s better to err on the side of sobriety than to damage yourself by making stupid choices.

8. You don’t have to “fit in.”

A person with long brown hair and glasses wears a beige knit hat with ear flaps. They hold a piece of melon rind in their mouth, giving the appearance of a mustache. The background is a café setting with warm lighting and wooden chairs.

For many people, one of the worst things that could happen to them would be if they were called “weird” by their peers. Society tends to value conformity, and those who dance to their own tune are often mocked and ostracized. Yet, it’s far more interesting to be weird than to be a clone—and don’t you forget it.

9. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay.

A man with short hair and a beard is wearing a white t-shirt with dark trim on the sleeves and neck. He has a thoughtful expression, with one hand touching his chin and the other arm crossed over his chest. The background is solid pink.

You won’t like everyone else either. You’re going to meet a lot of people with whom you connect instantly, and you’ll also meet people you dislike. That’s okay. You’ll find members of your tribe as you go through life, as will everyone else.

10. Few people are thinking about you.

A woman with wavy blonde hair is sitting on a gray couch in a brightly lit living room. She is wearing a light purple knit sweater and holding a remote control. Behind her, there is a desk with a stack of books and a laptop, and a modern painting on the wall.

Some people are paralyzed by social anxiety because they’re so worried about what other people might think of them. You know what? They don’t think of you. Their eyes might glance over you before refocusing on some eggplants, but they don’t give a damn about your clothes, your root regrowth, or what you’re buying.

11. Just because something doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean it was a failure.

A man is blowing bubbles using a bubble wand in a sunny outdoor setting with green grass blurred in the background. The bubbles are forming a string of connected spheres. The man is partially visible, focusing on the bubble-blowing activity.

Are you at the same job you got right out of college? Or in a relationship with the first person you dated? Perhaps. But probably not.

We all grow and evolve, and our lives change many times over the decades. As a result, we may not keep high school friends until we’re in our 80s, and relationships that suited us well at 20 might not be a good fit at 40.

That doesn’t mean that these relationships “failed,” but rather that they reached their natural conclusion. “Forever” isn’t the only definition of success, and just because something isn’t eternal doesn’t mean it was a failure.

On a similar note:

12. Not everyone will be in your life forever

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a pink long-sleeved top, stands on a beach with her hand in her hair. She looks to the side with the ocean and waves in the background, and footprints are visible in the sand. The sky is hazy, creating a serene atmosphere.

And that’s okay. Friendships ebb and flow as people deal with things in their own lives. You may have an incredibly close bond with someone for a few years, but that fizzles out as each of you changes and moves in different directions.

Beaches don’t cry when the tide withdraws: another beautiful wave of water will rise up shortly.

13. Beware the friendly tyrant.

A man with a beard and glasses stands with his arms crossed, wearing an olive green military-style outfit. He is in front of a small, white airplane in a brightly lit hangar.

Louis XIV insisted on having members of noble ruling families move into his palace at Versailles. This appeared to be an act of grace and favouritism: they were considered beloved friends of the king, invited to live in the lap of luxury with him. In reality, he was so paranoid about powerful houses possibly supplanting him that he insisted on having everyone within easy reach so he could spy on them more easily.

Be wary of those who seem to be overly giving and friendly towards you too quickly, especially if they’re demanding or controlling. There’s usually a self-serving purpose that will not benefit you in the long run.

14. Live life on your own terms, rather than by other people’s wants.

A person with long hair is joyfully running with outstretched arms along a sandy beach during sunset. The sun glows brightly in the sky, casting a warm golden light over the scene, and gentle waves are seen in the background.

Most of us have people in our lives who want to control us in some way. This may be a parent or friend who “just wants to help,” or a partner who’s intent on having your attention on demand. You’re nobody’s emotional support animal, and no one has the right to dictate your actions, choices, or anything else.