Are you happily single? Or miserably desperate?
We’ve all been single and looking for love at some point, but if you’re desperate for love it can actually get in the way of you finding something real.
If you can figure out how to enjoy being single whilst looking for a relationship, it’s actually more likely to happen.
Here are 8 things happily single women do whilst looking for love.
1. They keep dating.
You don’t need to put your dating life on hold to stop wanting a relationship!
You can simply view it from a healthier perspective.
You don’t need a relationship or a partner, so you can stop dating in such a rapid, desperate way.
Happily single women take their time and just enjoy getting to know new people. They might not end up dating them but they enjoy the process.
Remember that the less pressure you put on a date, the more likely you are to relax and enjoy it. This means that you’ll have more fun as you won’t be worrying so much about how you come across.
It also means you might be more likely to either connect with someone faster or be able to dismiss a potential romance faster as well, because you’ll be fully present and able to see things objectively.
When we’re too invested in the end-goal of a relationship, we often convince ourselves that red flags don’t exist, or that we like the person way more than we actually do. More on this below…
2. They are fussy.
Some of us are so desperate for love that we actively choose to ignore red flags in the early days of dating someone.
This is quite normal, but it does mean that many of us enter into a relationship that isn’t right for us, which then ends and leaves us even more desperate for someone new…
…this increased desperation makes us ignore red flags even more because we so, so want to make things work with someone (anyone!) – and the cycle continues.
Happily single women don’t let their standards drop out of desperation. They stay focused.
They find out what they really want from a partner; from a partnership, and they keep this at the front of their minds whilst dating.
This helps them focus on what they actually want as opposed to just wanting a relationship… any relationship.
It also means that when they do get into a relationship, it’s more likely to be with someone they actually like and are compatible with.
3. They keep being themselves.
When we get caught up in wanting a relationship, we throw all our effort into becoming the best version of ourselves so that another person likes us.
Happily single women don’t do this.
We’ve all been there but it doesn’t end that well – partly because you’ll never be able to fully relax and be yourself, but also because it then gives the other person an unrealistic expectation of what you’re really like and means they fall in love with the idea of you.
This means that they’ll be surprised when the facade eventually slips (which it inevitably will!) and it means they don’t get a chance to truly see how great you are.
It also means that your perfect match doesn’t get a chance to meet you because you’re too busy pretending to be someone else’s perfect match.
Sure, happily single women make the effort to be polite, have good manners when eating, cut back on the cursing, and make a little effort to be positive…
…but they don’t try to paint a picture of themselves that doesn’t reflect reality.
4. They focus on themselves.
The more you focus on filling your life with amazing things (rather than trying to fill it with an amazing person), the more you’ll come to stop wanting a relationship quite so badly.
A lot of us crave a special person in our lives and stop trying to fulfill ourselves, because we’re convinced that this person will do that for us.
Happily single women know this is totally unrealistic – no one person can be everything we need in life! We also need friends and hobbies and interests outside of our relationships.
They cultivate an amazing life of their own and see a partner as a bonus rather than the be all and end all.
A partner should slot into your life and add to it, rather than being it!
So keep yourself busy doing things you love and you’ll stop being so desperate for love. When love does come along, you’ll be in a healthy place to enjoy it rather than being desperate for it and settling for anything less than you deserve.
5. They spend time with loved ones.
Spending time with loved ones is a great reminder that you’re already loved and appreciated.
It’s not the same as being with someone whose clothes you want to rip off, we get it, but it’s still lovely to be with people who know and accept you.
When happily single women feel lonely, need cheering up, need advice, or just need a huge hug they reach out to family and friends.
They know that they are loved and appreciated by people already, regardless of their relationship status.
By accepting that love is already in their life, that layer of desperation for a relationship is removed.
6. They are realistic about past loves.
A lot of us convince ourselves that our exes were amazing and our true loves; that we had such a great time with them all the time!
Realistically, however much we loved someone, there will have been dips and downs in the relationship.
Happily single women don’t try to gloss over the negatives, in fact, they remind themselves of these bits so that they aren’t keeping a fantasy relationship on a pedestal.
The more we think of the ‘perfect’ relationship, the more desperate we become to find it and the more rushed and unhealthy decisions we make.
7. They fill the gaps.
Happily single women think about what it is they’re craving from a relationship and find a way to fill that void.
Company? Friends are great!
Date nights? Take yourself for a fancy dinner!
Cozy night in? Sofa time with your pets!
Okay, you see where we’re going with this, but, in all seriousness, there are so many ways to fill these kinds of voids that will help you detach from how much you want a relationship.
It will also make you appreciate just how much great stuff is already in your life, which will help you realize that a partner is an addition to an already-full life, and not an end destination.
8. They remember why single life rocks.
Being single is great! And, no, that’s not just something single people say…
A lot of people who are in a relationship miss being single sometimes.
After all, you’re free to do what you want and you don’t need to take a partner’s feelings into consideration.
You can go out and hook up with someone you find really attractive (as long as you’re being safe, of course), you can spend every weekend doing what you want, not alternating between you and your partner’s wishes.
You don’t need to worry about being cheated on or go through the early-day-panic of ‘why are they taking so long to text back?!’
Being single is great and, when you find the right person, you’ll find ways to keep the best bits of single life alongside being in a relationship.
But, for now, be happily single and enjoy the freedom and relaxation that it gives you.
Finally…
Listen, we’ve all been at a point in life where we feel miserably single and desperate for a relationship.
While this is normal, it’s not particularly healthy – and it’s not very fun, either.
So take a leaf out of the happily single women’s book and evaluate what exactly you want – and how much of that is already in your life.
The less desperate you are for love, the more likely you are to be open to genuine connections, and the less scared you’ll be of rejecting things that aren’t right for you.
This is a much healthier mindset to have when it comes to looking for a partner and means that you’ll know just how great the real thing is when it comes along…
