Can you crack the code?
You think everything is going great, you’re really starting to like the guy, and then you’re left on ‘read.’
What does it mean? The answer is, none of us really know – not even him sometimes.
The simple truth is, mixed signals from a guy could mean a whole number of things. But the most important thing to remember and hardest to do, is not to jump to conclusions before you have the facts.
Assuming you know what’s going on in their head just because they haven’t replied to your last message for a few hours is the easiest way to end a relationship before it’s properly started.
Below are some more of the most common mixed signals you’ll face in the dating and relationship scene, and what they might mean.
1. He’s acting hot and cold.
One minute he’s all over you and the next you can barely pin him down.
It’s frustrating when you don’t know where you stand and it’s natural to want to confront him or pull away. But don’t be dragged into playing mind games by not replying to his texts or calls and ending things before you’ve given them a chance.
If you’ve just started dating a guy, remember to give things time to develop. In reality, you’re two relative strangers just getting to know each other and this won’t happen overnight.
Everyone goes about things differently and maybe he’s just working out how he feels about you by taking things slow.
In these early days, it’s okay to give him the benefit of the doubt as you both work out how you feel. But if he’s stringing you on and you’re finding yourself more booty call than beau, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
2. He’s not affectionate in public.
Some guys avoid showing affection in public, but are totally different behind closed doors.
As much as you don’t want to take it personally, it’s hard not to when it’s someone you like.
The issue probably isn’t you. Some men just don’t like public displays of affection. It doesn’t mean their feelings for you aren’t sincere, just that they could be shy or the idea of being openly affectionate isn’t something they’re used to.
If you feel like you need more from them, tell them. Men aren’t mind readers and if you aren’t getting what you need from him, you need to help him out by communicating this with him.
Take the time to understand his character and work out if these really are mixed signals or if he just does things differently to the way you do them.
3. He doesn’t want to put a label on it.
When you’ve been dating a guy for a little while and things seem to be going well, the inevitable ‘what are we’ chat starts weighing on your mind.
You’re trying to decide when to bring it up, but at the same time, wondering why they haven’t already. It’s then that you start overthinking, convincing yourself something’s wrong.
It’s even worse if, when you bring up the ‘what are we’ conversation, you get a less than enthusiastic answer.
If he tells you he doesn’t want to put a label on it or wants to ‘see where things go,’ you start to think you’ve read the signs all wrong.
But don’t despair. Yes, it might seem like he’s giving you mixed signals, but he could just need longer than you to get used to the idea of a relationship.
He might have been hurt in the past and be wary of getting hurt again. Whatever it is, he may have perfectly valid reasons for wanting to take things at a slower pace.
Try taking the conversation in steps. Suggest exclusivity first and see how he responds. If you need the label of boyfriend and girlfriend to feel secure, talk to him about it and see how you can both find a way to be comfortable around the subject.
But be careful not to give into his preferences for the sake of your own. You deserve the respect of being openly acknowledged as his partner. If he can’t find a way to give that to you soon, then he doesn’t deserve you.
4. He won’t open up.
It’s confusing if he’s is asking one thing from you and not giving back the same. Expecting you to be open and transparent with him but keeping his own emotional barrier up is a classic mixed signal we have to navigate.
The fact that he wants to get to know more about you shows an interest and willingness to explore this idea of vulnerability with each other. He might just not be sure how to go about it himself.
If he is asking a lot of you emotionally, don’t feel pressured into sharing anything you’re not comfortable with, especially if he isn’t giving you the same liberty back.
It doesn’t hurt to bring to his attention in a constructive way that he’s keeping his own barriers up. Often, a little encouragement is all people need. As the trust between you grows, it’s likely his ability to open up will too.
5. You’re left on ‘read.’
Another classic, you text him and to your horror, you’re left waiting for a reply; or worse, left on ‘read.’
We’ve all been told the same things when it comes to dating – don’t be the first to text, don’t reply too quickly or you’ll seem too keen, wait at least 3 days after your first date to message… the advice goes on.
Does any of it work? Most likely not.
It can seem confusing, when you’re mid-text-conversation and they abruptly stop messaging. Or, when you have what you think is a great date and have to wait days to hear from them again.
But don’t read too much into it. If you haven’t heard from them right away, they could just be, you know, busy?
It’s ok to get on with your life and text back when you have the time. Don’t sit watching your phone waiting for a reply; carry on as normal and let them fit to your schedule.
You’ll know the difference between someone who doesn’t text back right away and someone who isn’t interested.
It’s difficult to really know what anyone means when you’re talking through a screen; an emoji can only communicate so much emotion. Spending time with each other in person is where it really counts.
If you have a great time when you’re together and they make the effort to schedule dates with you, who cares if they aren’t great at replying to messages right away.
6. You don’t see him as much as you’d like.
When you like someone and get on well, it can be hard to understand why you can’t spend more time together.
The more you fall for someone, the more you want to see them. But if he’s always too busy, you might start thinking you’ve read the signs wrong.
Give it time before calling it quits or confronting him on it. People have their own pace and he may just need more time than you to get used to a relationship.
It can also be a good thing. You need to keep a sense of balance, especially when dating someone new, between spending time with him and making time for your friends and hobbies.
If things become more serious between you, you’ll both find a way to work your relationship into your existing lives. Push things too fast, and you could risk scaring him away.
7. It’s all takeout and sweatpants.
No longer spending hours glamming up before going out to fancy restaurants? Worried that he’s not as into you because he’s stopped bringing you flowers? Welcome to the next stage of dating.
We like to impress when we begin dating someone new. You make an effort to dress up, go to fun places, and treat each other. But just because he’s suggesting Netflix and a takeaway instead of a Michelin star restaurant and the theatre, doesn’t mean he’s not into you any more.
Being comfortable just being yourself when you’re around someone is essential for a relationship to work. You can’t always have a full face of makeup and a new outfit when he sees you.
It’s not mixed signals; it shows that you’re both getting to a place where this could turn into a real relationship, one where you are happy to be authentically yourself.
If you are worried you’re losing the spark too early, don’t wait for him to suggest a solution. Take it on yourself to organize dates, glam up once in a while, and show him you’re not ready for it all to be just Netflix and chill.
8. Your intimate life is in neutral.
He’s gone from hardly being able to keep his hands off you to rolling over at 10pm telling you he’s tired. You’ve even shaved your legs for the occasion and he doesn’t want to hear it.
Going from one extreme to the other can be disconcerting and it’s natural to question if something is wrong and if he’s just not into you any more.
The truth is, for most relationships, the early days are still the most exciting. As good as the physical intimacy may be, you’ll never be able to recreate the thrill of getting intimate with each other for the first time.
That’s not the only reason that things might have slowed slightly in the bedroom. He could genuinely be stressed or worried about something and just not be in the headspace for it.
Try to find out if there is anything going on with him that you can help with and be supportive before you start thinking the worst.
9. He cancels on you.
The first time this happens might seem like the end of the world. You thought you had a good thing going and now he’s standing you up.
In reality, it could just mean exactly what he says it does. He genuinely could be stuck at work, have accidentally double booked, or be feeling under the weather.
Give the guy a chance and try not to get upset; instead graciously wait for him to rearrange.
However, there is a problem if he is dragging his heels in setting another date or has cancelled multiple times. Once or twice you can forgive, especially with an apology from him and an effort on his part to rearrange. If it becomes a regular occurrence and he’s not putting in the effort to see you, have some respect for yourself and call it quits.
