Why do some adults act like a child?
Not everyone is as mentally and emotionally mature as perhaps they need to be as an adult. But why? What causes some people to stay more childlike in their thoughts and behaviors?
1. To protect against perceived harm or consequences.
If you grew up in an abusive environment, you may have learned that you were less likely to be harmed if you behaved in a childlike manner.
As such, you may have brought that behavior into adulthood, regressing to infantile, avoidant behavior such as higher-pitched talk, over-apologizing, or tears when faced with potential discomfort.
For example, someone who screws up at work may get teary-eyed and squeak out a childlike apology in an attempt to avoid negative repercussions.
In their mind, their boss will be less likely to yell at or fire someone who appears to be very small and vulnerable. As such, they unconsciously use their childlike behavior as a shield.
2. To avoid adult responsibility.
As any adult is well aware, grown-up responsibilities are atrocious to deal with.
The carefree experiences we had as children have been long buried beneath stacks of bills, long work hours, inflation, and family obligations, and many people wish they could go back to their childhood years to escape the never-ending drudgery.
In some cases, childish behavior happens spontaneously, rather than consciously.
This is usually a stress response known as ‘regression’, in which a person’s psyche rolls back to an earlier state in which they weren’t overwhelmed by stress.
In extreme cases, a person may refuse to do chores or take care of their children, throw tantrums if any demands are made on them, and insist on playing with (or collecting) toys, coloring, or watching children’s TV shows.
Essentially, they’re seeking comfort and familiarity on a fundamental level because being an adult is too much for them to bear.
3. To be nurtured and taken care of.
If you weren’t sufficiently nurtured when you were a child, you may emulate childlike behavior as an adult in order to be doted upon by those around you now.
This is a concept known as ‘amae’ in Japan and involves acting playfully—often like a baby or child—in order to be nurtured, comforted, and indulged by others.
This creates a sort of dependency that may encourage others to do things for you that you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself. You like them to do it because it makes you feel loved and cared for.
You may even use childlike, ‘naughty’ behavior to take liberties that would otherwise be denied you, and then giggle or hide under cushions if someone tries to reprimand you for your actions.
For example, sneaking into someone’s cupboard and eating their cookies without asking first, or ‘borrowing’ something of theirs without permission.
4. Rejection aversion.
Many people with low self-esteem are incredibly hypersensitive and averse to rejection.
They experience intense distress if others aren’t interested in them or don’t want to interact with them.
If you fit into this category, you’ve likely noticed that most folks are usually more eager to interact with those they consider to be vulnerable, cute, or non-threatening.
As such, you may behave in a childlike manner to be as adorable and endearing to as many people as possible, with the hope of being liked and accepted rather than rejected.
You may dress in a cutesy manner, or in a nerdy, quirky fashion that might make people think, “Wow, this person is so awkward, I want to hug them and bake them cookies”.
Basically, you’re trying to be a human version of a slightly damaged plushy toy.
After all, there’s a high chance that the mean lady at the bank will be nicer to you and possibly even offer you candy if you speak like a little kid, apologize profusely, and have a sparkly bunny wallet.
Ultimately, most people want to help small children and cute little animals. If you emulate behavior that triggers the ‘care’ mechanism in others, they’re far less likely to walk past you or push you away.
5. A yearning for the carefree joy of childhood (escapism).
If you’re frequently in an environment where you feel intense expectations to output and conform, you may use childish behaviors as a form of escapism.
In places where there’s intense regulation and pressure to succeed, childlike behavior can be a form of escapism.
For example, Kawaii culture is highly present in Japan (and to a lesser extent, Korea), where cute, colorful cartoon characters and plushies are just as present on adult products as they are on kids’ items.
Some psychologists believe that Japanese culture’s highly stressful regimentation, high-performance expectations, and emphasis on emotional restraint cause people to immerse themselves in cute comfort when they aren’t at school or work.
As such, many people dress and decorate their homes in soft, cozy cuteness that reminds them of childhood and they behave in a happy, childlike manner whenever possible.
They no longer feel the freedom they had as children, so they try to get that feeling back through childlike escapism.
6. Unresolved childhood traumas.
Depending on what your childhood was like, you may have some serious trauma that has never been worked through or healed.
And we don’t just mean ‘big T’ trauma, like life-threatening events, death, or prolonged abuse. Repeated ‘little t’ traumas such as bullying, social isolation, and rejection can have the same, or worse, emotional harm than one major traumatic event.
Some people with unresolved trauma regress to a childlike state when ‘triggered’ by fear, confrontation, or conflict, and exhibit the same behaviors in adulthood that they did as children.
For example, a person who’s arguing with their partner may cry and throw things when angry, or they may cross their arms, avoid eye contact, and refuse to speak.
When they do speak, they’ll insult the other or blame them for everything to avoid accepting any responsibility, and run away or even hide until their ‘bad’ feelings go away.
If any of these behaviors ring true, you likely have some unresolved trauma that rears its head whenever something happens that reminds you of past experiences.
7. No childhood traumas.
In contrast to our previous point, a lack of difficulty in childhood can also contribute to immature behavior.
Basically, if nothing bad or challenging has ever happened to you, you likely never had the opportunity to develop vital coping mechanisms.
A lot of parents try to shield their children from any discomfort—including unpleasant chores, failure, rejection, or disappointment—because they want to protect them from anything ‘bad’.
While it’s noble for a parent to want to give their offspring the most beautiful childhood possible, this is actually quite detrimental.
If you find that you act childishly whenever you have to deal with an unpleasant or unwanted emotion, it’s likely because you were kept from learning how to cope with these things when you were young.
If you didn’t learn how to cope with being upset about something like losing a soccer match, you’ll have an incredibly difficult time dealing with things like serious medical issues, or the deaths of those close to you.
8. Neurodivergence.
Emotional dysregulation is common in people who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD).
Neurodivergent people can go into sensory overload if overstimulated by sound, light, multiple stressors, etc., and can end up having meltdowns as a result.
In cases like this, a person isn’t acting like a child because they want to or to get attention. They’re so completely overwhelmed that their bodies and psyche need to release all the built-up, overstimulated tension that’s welling up inside them.
They quite literally have no other means to express what they’re feeling.
These meltdowns are like eruptions that allow pressure to be released, much like a volcano releasing pressure from the earth when magma has been churning.
If you haven’t been diagnosed as neurodivergent but feel that your childlike behavior may be explained by autism or ADHD, you may want to consider getting evaluated.
Be sure to seek out a neuro-affirming clinician who has experience with both the external (‘stereotypical’) and internal presentations of autism.
If you discover you are neurodivergent, working out your sensory and environmental triggers for overwhelm can help you identify ways to prevent and manage emotional dysregulation.
This may involve avoiding certain situations or using adaptations such as noise-canceling earbuds, light-sensitive glasses, seamless clothing, etc.
Be very wary of clinicians who recommend exposure therapy or behavior change approaches. They invalidate neurodivergent people’s experiences and such exposure can cause significant physical and mental distress and harm to the individual.
9. Mental health problems.
Certain mental health conditions or developmental issues can cause a person to act like a child.
For example, some people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) behave in a childlike manner by displaying the following behaviors:
– Seeking constant reassurance and validation from parents, caregivers, or other authority figures.
– Behavior that they consider to be ‘playful’ or ‘mischievous’ which is used to intentionally cross other people’s boundaries without repercussion.
– Impulsivity without considering consequences.
– Faulting others for their own mistakes, in the same way, that a child will smack a naughty table for hurting them if they run into it.
– Manipulating others to get what they want and lashing out if their achieved objective is denied.
– Emotional outbursts such as crying, screaming, throwing things, telling others that they hate them, and then seeking hugs or other comfort moments later.
10. An intense fear of aging.
There’s no way to sugar-coat the fact that aging can be terrible on countless levels.
In addition to creaking joints, wrinkles, and health issues, there’s the very real awareness of imminent mortality.
Young people rarely think about the fact that their clock is winding down towards its eventual end.
They’re enraptured with whatever is going on in the moment, whether it’s reveling in the joy of an ice cream cone on a sunny day, or spending hours watching cartoons and filling in coloring books.
The reality of aging and mortality can be too much for a lot of people to bear, and they end up regressing (or clinging) to a much more childlike state as a result.
Some may start to exhibit ‘cutesy’ behavior, while others may fixate on subjects that brought them comfort as kids, and start collecting items associated with it.
It’s not uncommon to see people having mid-life crises that involve collecting vintage toys and dolls.
This is very much a fear response. You focus your aim backwards toward a time of joy and optimism, rather than the big looming deadline in the future.
11. Cognitive impairment.
Cognitive impairment can be caused by several issues, including traumatic brain injury (TBI), depression, anxiety disorders, and even autoimmune conditions.
Two of the most common causes of cognitive impairment, however, are Alzheimer’s and dementia.
They can cause confusion, memory loss, impaired sensory perception, and the inability to process information or make decisions.
As such, people with these conditions often end up behaving like children (or in a manner that reminds us of children).
They’ll get argumentative about things like bathing or mealtimes, as well as sullen or weepy, and eventually become completely dependent on their caregivers.
If you’re an older adult and notice any of these signs in yourself, you may wish to get tested. Young-onset Alzheimer’s and dementia can be treated in their earlier stages to help slow their progression.
