If your relationships never last, stop sabotaging them with these 8 behaviors

1. Expecting the excitement of dating to last.

A woman with glasses, wearing a light brown sweater, sips from a white cup. A bearded man, partially visible in the foreground, also holds a white cup. The background is blurred with green plants and shelves. They appear to be in a cozy, casual setting.

You need to accept the fact that this initial thrill will never last, regardless of who you meet. As you get to know someone, things will always evolve, change, and calm down.

That’s normal, natural, and healthy. Only toxic long-term relationships will involve that kind of extreme emotional ups and downs after the honeymoon period is over.

The important thing is to not see the change as a negative. Sure, you might not want to rip their clothes off every five seconds anymore. You might stop getting butterflies in your stomach every time they send you a text message or call you.

But the part that comes after all those extreme ups and downs and all that uncertainty is even better. The part when you’re in love and know you’re loved and can trust your partner. The part where you can really be yourself and learn what long-term love is all about.

It’s totally normal to struggle to adjust from one phase of a relationship to the next, especially if you’ve never made it past that initial phase before.

But don’t give up on a good relationship just because those initial fireworks have faded. There’s so much good stuff once you get over that hurdle.

2. Looking for drama.

A woman sitting on a couch raises her hand to signal stop, turning her head away from a man who appears to be talking to her. She looks upset, while the man, wearing a yellow shirt, gestures with his hands, seemingly trying to explain or communicate something.

It’s time to take a long hard look at what you really want out of life, and whether this tendency to seek out drama is getting in the way of that.

Try to take a deep breath before you speak or act, and think about whether what you’re doing is justified or if you’re just trying to stir things up because a drama-free life bores you.

Catch yourself and consciously make the decision not to indulge your love of drama, but prioritize other, more important things.

It’ll take practice, but it’ll be worth it, because once you get used to a life with less drama in it, you’ll never go back.

If you struggle to control this tendency, you might want to consider speaking to a professional, as embracing a drama-free life (in as much as that’s ever possible) can make such a huge difference to your level of contentment with your lot.

3. Forcing a relationship when you don’t actually want one.

A woman with long, dark hair sits at an outdoor café table, resting her chin on her hand. She wears a red coat and looks thoughtful. In front of her is a dessert glass with whipped cream and a teapot. Her phone is on the table next to her.

Do you actually want a relationship right now (or at all)? Or are you just looking for one because of societal pressure?

If you know deep down you don’t actually want a relationship right now, stop actively searching for someone and focus on the things that you really want out of life. Be honest with yourself about what really makes you happy and what your priorities are. Don’t let anyone else dictate how you should live your life.

That’s not to say you won’t fall head over heels for someone one day, but you’ll stop wasting your time on relationships that you get into just because you feel like you should couple up with someone.

4. Losing yourself in the relationship.

A close-up of a couple standing forehead to forehead with their eyes closed, creating an intimate and serene moment. The background is softly blurred, capturing a warm and gentle light. Both are dressed casually in light-colored clothing.

You might be sabotaging your relationships by giving too much and expecting too much.

Resist the temptation to jump headfirst into a relationship whilst neglecting all the other things that are important in your life.

Make a conscious effort to not change the way you live your life overnight and work your partner into your existing life, rather than redesigning your life to work around your partner.

You might feel like you want to be with them 24/7, but you know that’s not healthy, so don’t give into it. Take things slowly and calmly and don’t neglect the other people you love.

Make sure your life is full and you’re not expecting your partner to provide all the excitement, as that’s a fast track to boredom in your relationship.

You will, of course, have to make compromises for a relationship to work, but you can and should still live your life the way you want, surrounded by interesting people and always trying new things so that life stays interesting.

5. Dating the wrong people.

A woman with long blonde hair in a white dress and a man with dark hair and beard wearing a navy shirt and gray scarf stand close together outdoors. The man holds a beige coat over his shoulder and they both look at each other with subtle smiles.

Challenge the way you’ve been doing things all this time and open your mind to dating different kinds of people.

Look past appearance and say goodbye to your ideas about what your ‘type’ is.

Try to focus on finding someone who you share interests and values with. Someone you can stay up all night talking to.

Someone whose opinion you’re genuinely interested to hear. Someone who pushes you and brings out the best in you.

The kind of person you can develop a lasting, fulfilling relationship with is someone who stimulates your mind as well as your body, so do yourself a favor and stop dismissing people based on how they look or dress.

You’ll be surprised at who you might meet once you’ve stopped restricting yourself.

6. Imagining the grass is always greener.

A woman with blond hair, wearing an off-shoulder striped top, sits at a cafe table with a cup of coffee, looking disinterested or pensive. In the foreground, a blurred man is holding a smartphone, seemingly not engaging with her.

Of course, you should never settle in a relationship. You shouldn’t stay with someone just for the sake of being with someone.

But conversely, you shouldn’t let this idea that the grass is always greener ruin what could be an amazing relationship.

No one is perfect. No one is going to tick absolutely every box. Relationships are hard and take work. But if you decide to put that work into a relationship, you can forge something beautiful.

It’s about choosing someone to build a life with and focusing on them, rather than perpetually being on the hunt for something that you’ll probably never find.

7. Having unrealistic expectations.

A couple enjoying a romantic dinner by a beach. A woman with curly hair and wearing a white off-the-shoulder dress is smiling at a man in a white shirt, who is holding a small red box, likely containing a ring. The table is set with wine, grapes, and flowers.

Ground yourself firmly in the real world and focus on the things that really matter in life.

Speak to people who’ve made a success of long-term relationships, and they’ll tell you what it really takes to make a relationship work, and that it’s never all sunshine and rainbows.

When you next meet someone, be prepared to give as much as you get, and don’t expect them to live up to ridiculously high expectations.

That way, you’ll be giving the relationship a good chance, rather than dooming it from day one.

8. Letting the relationship become too routine.

A person wearing an orange top is folding a stack of colorful towels, including yellow, white, and blue. In the background, another person, dressed in blue, is sitting and reading a newspaper, with everything set in a bright and cozy environment.

It can be easy for relationships to get boring once routine sets in. And if you’re bored, it’s probably not going to last.

To keep your interest piqued, you’ll need to add some spontaneity to the mix.

If being spontaneous doesn’t come naturally to you, you’ll need to try being deliberately spontaneous for a while until you get a taste for it.

Make a deal with your partner that at least once a month you’ll try something new and fun together.

And make sure you leave some time open to be spontaneous in. If you tend to plan out every second of your day and week in advance then you’re not leaving any room for improvised fun.

Embrace spontaneity and all the wonderful things that a long-term relationship can bring.