12 Brutally Honest Reasons You Keep Falling For The Wrong Man

You’re caught in a vicious cycle.

A man and a woman enjoying glasses of red wine outdoors. They are standing close to each other, smiling and making eye contact. The setting appears to be a sunny day with trees and a building in the background. Both are dressed casually.

Sometimes, you know that someone is wrong for you, but you fall for them anyway.

Other times, you think that you’ve found the perfect person for you, only to be unpleasantly surprised when it turns out that they’re not who they seem to be.

If you’ve been falling for the wrong person again and again, there might be an underlying issue that needs addressing. And that starts with working out why it’s happening.

1. You don’t know what you want.

A man in a blue shirt and glasses smiles while talking to a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair and glasses. They are standing outdoors near some greenery. The man is holding a white cup.

If you don’t know what you want, then of course you’re going to pick the wrong guys.

You should be as clear as your can be in your own mind about what you want and what you don’t want in your love life.

What kind of person do you think is right for you? More importantly, what is it that makes someone the wrong person for you?

It might be a good idea to write down the things that you can’t tolerate. For instance, if you are very neat or hardworking, could you stand being in a relationship with someone who is messy or lazy?

Being very different from one another probably makes them the wrong person for you. So think about your deal breakers and the things that this person has to have in common with you.

If you start dating someone who clearly has a trait that you wouldn’t be able to tolerate in a long-term relationship, you should probably reconsider dating them.

Know what you want, have high standards, and don’t settle for less. This will help you avoid ending up with the wrong person.

2. You don’t know what’s good for you.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch having a discussion. The woman, with curly hair and wearing a yellow top, has an animated expression with her hands gesturing. The man, with short hair and wearing a green shirt, is facing her and seemingly responding.

You might not have a good sense of what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” for you, so it would be good to write these things down, starting with the obvious ones.

Clearly, someone who is afraid of commitment, someone who is abusive, or someone who you just know is trouble isn’t right for you. You know this, but maybe not as consciously as you should.

Learn about all the red flags that you need to watch out for to avoid getting involved with the wrong people. For instance, some women are into bad boys, even though they know that they’re not good for them. They keep chasing them anyway because they think that danger is exciting, they have daddy issues, they want to be bad themselves, or they think forbidden love is true love.

If you are attracted to people who you know are bad for you, a therapist could help you identify the root of this problem.

3. You force relationships.

A woman in a pink blouse sits on a bench, holding onto the arm of a standing man in a blue shirt and white t-shirt. She is looking up at him with a concerned expression. The background includes trees and greenery, indicating a park setting.

Sometimes, we like someone so much that we force the relationship with them, even though we know that it’s not going to bring us happiness.

Know when it’s time to call it quits. When you have to force something, it’s probably not meant to be.

Maybe you are interested in someone who isn’t ready to commit to you. If you force them to do it anyway, are you really doing anyone any favors? They are still going to be the same person who feels the same way, and they might resent you in the end.

Do you really want to be with someone you have to force to be with you? Don’t do that to yourself. Even if they want to be with you, if you have to force the relationship, it’s probably not meant to last.

Granted, things aren’t always going to be smooth sailing, but it’s supposed to feel like you’re both looking in the same direction and trying to find a way to make it work together.

If it doesn’t feel worth the trouble, it probably isn’t.

4. You’re repeating unhealthy childhood patterns.

A man in a blue plaid shirt sits beside a distressed woman with blond hair on a couch. He has his arm around her and his hand on her knee, offering comfort as she holds her head in her hands. They appear to be having a serious conversation.

You might be repeating some unhealthy patterns that probably have roots in your past.

People develop their attachment style in childhood, and it often dictates their approach to romantic relationships later on in life. So, if you constantly find yourself falling for the wrong person or your relationships simply never work out, it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist about it.

A therapist can help you identify unhealthy patterns and work on changing the way you approach relationships. Something from your past might be stopping you from developing healthy relationships, so get to the root of the problem with the help of a professional.

5. You’re trying to save or change people.

A smiling woman with long blonde hair holds up blue clothing to a man with glasses and short brown hair. They appear to be in a clothing store, surrounded by racks of colorful clothes. The man is wearing a brown jacket and looking at the woman attentively.

Some people believe that they can save others, and they get into relationships with those who need saving.

You need to understand that you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want your help. And you shouldn’t be searching for a project, but a partner.

Meaning, don’t look for someone who needs fixing. If you don’t like someone the way they are, don’t be with them only to try to change them.

Unless they want to change and actually show that by putting effort into changing, they aren’t going to change anyway. So, you can’t make them, and you don’t need someone who you need to push to be better.

Don’t look for those in pain or danger to save them and make them happy again. That’s not a good motive to start a relationship. You should be with someone you already like, not someone you need to change so that you could like them.

6. You fall for unavailable people.

A woman in a blue dress hugs a smiling man with curly hair, who holds hands behind his back with another woman in a pink top and white skirt. The second woman is holding a red heart-shaped cushion, looking down at it. All three have light skin and light-colored hair.

Whether someone is emotionally unavailable or already in a relationship with someone else, they should be off-limits. Everyone knows this, yet people still get involved with those who are unavailable.

This happens because we don’t react in time when we see that someone is not right for us. Instead, we try to see where it goes, only to find ourselves emotionally attached to someone who can’t reciprocate those feelings.

This is why it’s important to recognize the wrong person for you and walk away sooner rather than later. Recognizing someone who is unavailable isn’t so hard, so don’t ignore that fact and stop yourself before you’re in too deep.

7. You’re not being authentic.

A woman and a man are sitting on a yellow couch, both wearing green shirts, and enjoying glasses of white wine. They are facing each other, smiling, and appear to be in a relaxed and comfortable setting with a bright, modern background.

When you’re searching for the right person for you, you have to be you. Don’t pretend that you’re someone else just for the sake of being the kind of person they might like. Just as you shouldn’t aim to change someone, you shouldn’t try to be someone else either.

If you are neat, don’t pretend that you can put up with dirty socks on the floor. If you’re lazy, don’t portray yourself as hardworking to get a person who actually is hardworking to like you.

Things aren’t going to work out if you’re too different. So, while you can certainly improve and strive for better, don’t change who you are just to be with someone. If it’s not really you, the mask is going to slip at some point or another. You won’t be able to pretend forever.

After all, you want someone to love you for you, not for who you’re pretending to be. Sometimes two people aren’t “the wrong people,” they’re just not compatible enough to be a good match, and you have to accept that and move on.

8. You settle for promises without evidence of change.

A man and woman sit together on a white bench outdoors on a sunny day. Both are wearing sunglasses and casual summer clothes. The woman, with long hair, smiles at the man while resting her hand on his shoulder. The background features greenery and a body of water.

If you’re already involved with someone you’re hoping to change, and they have promised that they will, what have they done about it? Is there any actual evidence of change, or do they just talk about changing?

Think about whether they have shown any progress and whether their words are backed up with actions. Change can be difficult and take time, but if they haven’t even started to move in the right direction, they’re probably aren’t going to.

You can’t keep being with someone because you’re hoping that they’ll eventually change if they haven’t made any effort to change thus far. A person can make all the promises they like, but the only promises worth anything are the ones they keep. When they are all talk and no action, you know that those words don’t mean anything.

9. You fall for words without actions.

A woman holding a cup and a plate with a croissant stands next to a bed while smiling at a man who is lying on the bed, using a laptop. The room is bright with natural light from a large window, and there are white walls and yellow curtains.

Whether the person is trying to change or doing anything else, the thing to watch for is actions, not words. There are many sweet-talkers in the world, and some people could make you believe anything when they tell you a story. Don’t believe their stories unless their words are backed up with action.

A person could tell you they love you while treating you as if they hated you. Always consider the way they behave, not what they say.

If they often break their promises and feed you empty words, don’t stick around to hear more of them. A person who loves you is supposed to make you feel loved, not just tell you that they love you. Words can be deceiving, but the way a person treats you tells you everything you need to know about their feelings for you.

10. You’re not ok being alone.

A man with curly hair and a beard sits on a couch, smiling at the camera. A woman with curly hair stands behind him, leaning over his shoulders and hugging him warmly from behind. A green plant is visible in the background.

Many people get into a relationship out of fear of ending up alone. Even those who don’t do that often feel uneasy about being single and alone. This can make them settle for the wrong person.

After all, who has the time to wait for the right one? You do! You just need to learn to enjoy being alone and get the best out of the single lifestyle. You are a complete person even when you’re not involved with anyone, and you don’t need anyone to make you happy or fulfilled.

Live your life, regardless of who is or isn’t a part of it. Be fine with being alone and enjoy your own company! Try to make yourself happy and live a fulfilling life even when you’re not in a relationship.

It’s easier said than done, but those who can be happy alone will be happier with someone else, and you’re less likely to fall for the wrong person if you’re fine with being alone until the right person comes along.

11. You’ve got poor conflict resolution skills.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch in a living room, engaged in a heated discussion. The man has his hands raised in frustration, while the woman is holding a piece of paper and gesturing as she talks. Shelves with books and plants are in the background.

The reason you might have had bad luck in your relationships so far could be that you have poor conflict resolution skills.

While all couples fight, the way they fight can determine whether or not they are right for each other. Maybe you storm off and slam the door in the middle of an argument, or you use name-calling in fights.

Arguments between couples always happen, but the important thing to remember is that you should both focus on resolving the issue, not making things even worse.

When you say something that you don’t mean, try to take it back. And don’t be afraid to apologize if you have done something wrong. The way you resolve conflict can determine the future of your relationship, so work on your conflict-resolution skills with the help of a therapist.

12. You don’t love yourself.

A woman with long blonde hair smiles warmly at a man with short hair in an outdoor setting. She is wearing a knit sweater and looking at him intently. The background is slightly blurred, with some greenery visible.

This is not about loving yourself so that others could love you; it’s about not sabotaging yourself because you have a low opinion of yourself.

Are you overly critical of yourself? Is self-loathing a possible reason why your relationships fail? You might not even be aware of it, but you could be sabotaging yourself and your relationships.

Maybe you get into relationships with the wrong people because you don’t think that you deserve any better. Perhaps you ruin your relationships because you don’t have a good relationship with yourself.

This is why people say that you need to love yourself to love others and be loved. Learn to love yourself and don’t think that you deserve anything less than the real thing.