If You're Sick Of Being A Pushover In Relationships, Say Goodbye To These 11 Behaviors

Do you always give in?

A young woman with long blonde hair, wearing a white tank top, stands behind a man in a white t-shirt, resting her head on his back and wrapping her arms around him. Both are standing against a textured gray wall, looking serious.

An equal amount of give and take is important to any relationship’s success and, most importantly, to you and your partner’s happiness.

Being submissive or feeling scared to voice your opinions in a relationship throws it off balance and can lead you to feel unheard or disrespected. It will also damage your self-esteem.

If this sounds familiar, you’re likely lacking in confidence or self-belief, and until you resolve this, you won’t enjoy an equal and healthy relationship with someone else.

You may even attract people who will use it to their advantage.

So how do you change this inclination? Start by saying goodbye to these 12 behaviors.

1. Being unprepared.

A man and a woman sit on a gray couch in a cozy living room with large windows. The man, wearing a pink shirt and glasses, is engaged in conversation with the woman, who is holding a notebook and wearing a green shirt. They appear relaxed and focused.

If you need a confidence boost because you’re nervous about voicing your opinions to your partner, it can help to consider the different ways they could react to what you have to say. This way, you aren’t caught off guard.

By being prepared, you are less likely to get drawn into an argument or talked down by them, and more able to articulate your feelings.

By planning what you want to say and possible responses to your partner, you can stay clear-headed and confident in what you want to get across. You can avoid getting emotional and overwhelmed whilst showing that you’re still considering their perspective.

You’ll become more empathetic to their reactions and feelings by doing this, while finding confidence in being able to finally voice your own. This will help you both to reach a better understanding of each other.

2. Forgetting your self-worth.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a small table in a brightly-lit cafe. They appear to be engaged in a deep conversation, with their attention focused on each other. A small potted plant and a glass are on the table.

Being uncomfortable in your own skin can affect how intimate you are with your partner and lower your confidence in being able to keep them interested in you. This can lead to insecurities and an unhealthy level of compromise on your part as you try to do anything to make your partner stay.

Getting in touch with your own feelings and where your lack of self-confidence stems from is the first step to overcoming it. Embracing your individuality is your greatest asset, so start seeing it as a positive rather than trying to be something you’re not.

You should be able to feel comfortable being yourself around your partner. If you ever feel as though you have to put on an act to make them stay or fit in with their expectations, then it isn’t worth it.

You won’t be truly happy in your relationship until you can be unapologetically YOU! Even if it means taking some time apart and being single so you can focus on yourself, it will help you find the right partner in the long run.

3. Bottling up your feelings.

A young woman with long dark hair stands outdoors with her arms crossed, looking to the side. She is wearing a white top with lace sleeves. A man, slightly out of focus, stands in the background wearing a light-colored shirt, smiling gently. Greenery surrounds them.

Although you might think you’re doing the right thing by not raising an issue to prevent an argument, this isn’t going to help you or your partner in the future.

Not expressing your feelings means they build up over time until something happens and everything comes out at once.

It might be something small that sets you off, but like a balloon, it doesn’t take much to make you pop when you’re already holding so much back.

Having the confidence to bring up small issues as they happen can save you and your partner much more hurt in the future. When you hold your feelings back and they all come out at once, it can be difficult for you to articulate where all your emotion is coming from and even harder for your partner to understand the real cause of the problem.

You may be nervous to do it, but bringing up little irritations as they happen will save your relationship in the long run, so you’ll be doing yourself and your partner a favor.

4. Being vague with your requests.

A man with grey hair and a black shirt holds eyeglasses and attentively listens to a woman in a grey blazer during a conversation at a cafe. Cups of coffee and a tablet are on the table between them, with a bright, windowed background.

Relationships take constant work, and it’s normal to check in with your partner once in a while to see how you can make it even better for the both of you.

If you’re feeling awkward around your partner because you’re always giving and not getting what you need in return, whether that be enough physical affection or communicating more regularly, then not talking about it will only make matters worse.

You’ll feel more confident in bringing these issues up with them if you have thought about what you need from them specifically.

Making sweeping statements like “I want you to be more affectionate” doesn’t give your partner a clear understanding of what they can do to make things better. Instead, it could trigger a defensive response and make them want to stop engaging in the conversation.

Give your partner actionable suggestions like, “I’d love for you to show me affection when we are out by holding my hand,” or, “it worries me when I don’t hear from you late at night, so could you let me know you’re home safe.”

You’ll feel more confident in what you’re asking of them if you know your request is reasonable and actionable, and they will be more likely to listen to what you have to say.

5. Ignoring your insecurities.

A woman with long hair and a white shirt stands in the foreground, looking contemplative, while a man in a white shirt stands in the blurred background. They are inside a room with shelves filled with various items.

Most of us have insecurities to deal with, whether about ourselves or our relationships. Ignoring them won’t make them go away.

You might think you know each other inside out, but your partner can’t read your mind and might be oblivious to the ways they’re adding to your insecurities and causing you to lose confidence.

If you struggle with insecurities in your relationship, take the opportunity to calmly have a conversation about it with your partner and offer some solutions.

Don’t accuse them or intentionally start an argument, but try to think of easy ways that they can start helping build up your confidence again.

Admitting you have insecurities is the first step to overcoming them. By having a conversation with your partner and getting their support in tackling them, it can reaffirm your confidence in your relationship and its future.

6. Smothering your partner.

A young couple wearing denim shirts stands close together outdoors. The woman holds out a smartphone, looking concerned, while the man has one arm around her and points at the phone screen with a focused expression. Trees and buildings can be seen in the background.

It might not be obvious to you at first that you are a pushover when it comes to your relationship.

You may not realize that your actions and emotions are coming from a lack of confidence and security until you take a good look at what you’re really feeling.

One of the ways you might realize you’re lacking some confidence in your partner is if you’re trying to control or smother them.

If you find yourself tracking them on social media or trying to check their messages, and causing arguments whenever they’re away from you with their friends, it might be that you’re worried about the strength of your relationship.

Trying to check up on them or keep them near in the fear that they’ll have a better time away from you or find someone else isn’t a solution to the problem.

The tighter you try to hold on to your partner, the more smothering you’ll become until they have to get away.

7. Allowing your relationship to be undefined.

A blonde woman with curly hair looks pensive, gazing to the side with her hands touching her head. In the background, a man with short dark hair appears out of focus, his expression indistinct. The setting seems to be outdoors.

I you’ve been seeing someone for a while and feelings are developing, not knowing if you’re really ‘together’ can cause anxiety and harm your confidence.

And it encourages submissive behavior because you feel you’re constantly in a probation period.

It’s exhausting to keep checking on your feelings in case you come across too keen or clingy, and it’s distracting to keep wondering if someone feels the same way about you.

You’ll start questioning why they haven’t taken the next step to make it official or introduced you to family and friends. Your confidence will drop further as you begin to question your self-worth.

You may not feel ready to label what you are yet, but by taking the leap to admit that you have feelings and seeing if they are on the same page, it could be what’s needed to rebuild a sense of confidence in your relationship and where it’s headed.

8. Being afraid to set boundaries.

A man and a woman are sitting on the ground against a white wall. The man has long dark hair, a beard, and wears a black tank top and pants, resting one hand on his head. The woman has short blonde hair, wears a black sleeveless top and pants, looking down.

No one wants to enter a relationship and start imposing rules on each other, but making your deal breakers clear from the start can help you to build a stronger foundation and trust in your relationship going forward.

By setting boundaries, you aren’t telling your partner what they can and can’t do; you’re just making it clear to them what would make you more comfortable in your relationship.

You might decide on the levels of communication you need from them to feel secure, making it clear that if they go AWOL after a night out, you won’t be okay with that. You might want them to make time for dates regularly, or avoid certain subjects or disrespectful language around each other.

You don’t have to impose these boundaries on your partner in a controlling way. Encourage them to discuss their own limits and reach a decision early on in your relationship so you know what elements to adopt going forward.

By sharing these things with your partner, it’s then up to you both to work on building trust in the relationship by keeping within these boundaries and not letting each other down. You’ll find your submissive behavior reduce and your relationship grow as you build a sense of trust in their word.

9. Losing your independence.

A young woman embraces a young man from behind. The man wears a striped shirt, sunglasses, and a hat. The woman is wearing a denim top and has her arms around his shoulders. They are outdoors, with a blurred background of trees and a bright sky.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, to feel more confident in your relationship, it can pay to step away from it now and again.

If you make your relationship your entire world, it becomes so significant that to lose it would be a huge blow to your life. And when it’s that important to you, you’re bound to bend over backward to keep it.

By taking a step back and reclaiming your independence, you will start to see the place your relationship has in the wider context of your life. When you have friends, hobbies, and dreams to focus on, too, you relieve the pressure that’s currently on your relationship.

You can be more confident in your relationship by knowing that you can be happy without it. You’ll feel more relaxed about the long-term outcome of the relationship and this will show in the way you behave around and toward your partner.

10. Talking down to yourself.

A woman with an afro hairstyle sits on a couch, resting her head on her hand in apparent distress or deep thought. In the background, a man sits on another part of the couch, partially blurred, looking away from the woman. The room has soft, natural lighting.

The way you talk to yourself in your mind can have a huge impact on the way you think and feel about yourself. If you lack a little confidence when you’re with your partner, you can give yourself a boost beforehand.

You can think certain statements or even say them out loud. These statements might include:

“I am an equal partner in this relationship and should act like one.”

“My needs are as valid as theirs and I shouldn’t be afraid to voice them.”

“I am an attractive, interesting, kind person and my partner appreciates me.”

“My relationship is strong and my concerns to the contrary aren’t based on any valid evidence.”

“I can speak my mind and my partner will respond with respect.”

It’s all about building yourself up in your own mind so that you can then demonstrate a greater level of confidence during interactions with your partner. Try it and see how much easier it feels to be yourself and express yourself.

11. Dismissing your partner’s displays of love and affection.

A woman holding a white mug looks away with a concerned expression while a man touches her shoulders reassuringly. They are standing in a modern kitchen with a white refrigerator and small appliances visible in the background.

It’s easy to doubt yourself and your partner’s feelings for you if you dismiss or overlook every nice thing they do for you.

Perhaps they compliment you and you reject it in your mind because you don’t feel you deserve it. Or maybe they do nice things for you or buy you little treats that show that they care, and you question their motives.

The truth is, your partner wants you to feel happy and to like them just as much as you want them to like you. Perhaps they aren’t the best at expressing their feelings verbally and this damages your confidence, but the way they treat you shows how much they appreciate you and your relationship.

It’s all about recognizing how your partner shows and gives their love rather than expecting them to do precisely what you’d do in their shoes. They aren’t you and they might express themselves differently to you.

When you see and accept how much they care, you’ll instantly feel more confident in yourself, in your ability to speak up, and in the strength of your relationship.

A final note.

A smiling couple is sitting on a couch, with the man wearing a white shirt and the woman in a blue striped blouse. The man has his arm around the woman as she leans her head on his shoulder. They both appear relaxed and happy in a cozy, light-colored room.

It’s a fine line between having the confidence to stand up for your wants and needs and being arrogant, and it’s important not to overstep that line.

Confidence in yourself and your relationship will enable you to bring the best out of both. Feeling confident should mean that you shine at your brightest and that you feel strong enough in your relationship that you don’t worry about it falling apart.

Being at your best and feeling confident in a relationship can be hard to achieve. It can sometimes be difficult to appear confident without appearing bossy. But you need to make sure your voice is heard while giving the same privilege to your partner.

Compromise is still a big part of any relationship, and finding those boundaries between getting what you want and bending just a little is something you will have to learn over time.