If You Recognize Any Of These 12 Behaviors, You Are Annoyingly Argumentative

Argumentative people are hard work.

Three young professionals are having a discussion in an office. A man, looking distressed, holds his head with his hand, while a woman in front of him is speaking passionately. Another woman sits in the background looking contemplative. A world map is on the wall.

Confrontation and conflict are a necessary part of the human experience. Sometimes, you have to clash with other people to defend yourself, or someone else, or stand up for what you believe in.

However, there is such a thing as being too argumentative.

Do you find yourself embroiled in conflict that isn’t yours to begin with? Or taking offense and clashing with other people because of different perspectives? And even worse, perhaps you find yourself in conflict for no reason at all.

Or perhaps you have a friend or family member who is annoyingly like this.

Being argumentative is alienating. Healthy, happy, balanced people don’t spend their time with angry, confrontational people.

If you recognize these 12 signs, you are likely the annoyingly argumentative one that everyone else wants to avoid.

1. You don’t pick your battles.

A woman and a man, both dressed in pink, sit in a movie theater with shocked expressions, holding a bag of popcorn. Other patrons in the rows behind them have varied reactions, some looking amused and others surprised. The theater seats are blue.

Sometimes you have to fight. But sometimes, you don’t.

There are some things that are worth fighting about or for, and others that really aren’t.

If you don’t pick your battles wisely, it’s likely you are overly argumentative.

Think about the things that make you heated. Figure out which of those things you simply cannot stay quiet about. If it’s something you feel or believe passionately, it may be worth the conflict.

But if it’s a trivial matter that is of no consequence to you, why are you getting so worked up?

2. You don’t avoid talking about issues you get angry about.

Two women sit at a dining table engaged in an animated conversation. One woman, wearing a white and pink striped blouse, gestures with her hands, while the other, in a pink sweater vest, looks at her with a surprised expression. Plates of food and cups are on the table.

There used to be an old saying that went something to the effect of, “In polite company, do not discuss matters of religion, politics, or money.”

Those sorts of discussions rarely go anywhere positive. These beliefs are often formed by a person’s life experiences, and you’re probably not going to be able to argue against decades of how someone lives or sees the world. Sure, you can confront them and conflict with them with no problem, but what good does it really do?

Most people know and understand this, and actively avoid these subjects. But not you.

3. You can’t let go of petty arguments.

A young woman and man sit on a couch. The woman has her arms crossed and looks away, appearing upset or frustrated. The man is turned toward her, speaking with a concerned expression and gesturing with his hands, indicating he is trying to communicate.

No one can have their way 100% of the time. So sometimes you won’t be able to find common ground with another person. That’s okay and most people accept it. But you dig in your heels and keep fighting when clearly you’re not going to find a resolution. You probably even know it’s a waste of valuable time and emotional energy to bother, yet you do it anyway.

You can’t just shrug and let it go. Does it really matter if someone thinks the sky is green? Who cares.

If it doesn’t matter, why does it matter to you?

4. You assume malice over miscommunication.

A man and woman sit on a purple couch. The man, wearing a white shirt, is pointing and appears to be arguing. The woman, wearing a black shirt and blue jeans, looks upset and is resting her head on her hand, looking away from the man. A kitchen is visible in the background.

We’re all human. We’re going to make mistakes and do dumb things sometimes. None of us are exempt. Sometimes we wind up in conflicts because of miscommunications, misconceptions, or unmet expectations.

But argumentative people seem to take every screw-up that happens in life as a personal or malicious attack.

Sometimes people just do dumb stuff. So, unless information shows otherwise, try to assume that people are generally doing the best they can, even if it’s not that good.

5. You’re not interested in finding a middle ground.

Two women are sitting in a brightly-lit room, engaged in a serious conversation. The woman on the right, with brown hair and wearing a blue shirt, is gesturing with her hands. The woman on the left, with blonde hair, is partially out of focus in the foreground.

Sometimes a conflict can be resolved by compromise and finding some middle ground. Most reasonable people are willing to come to a middle ground that they feel can benefit both parties. They know that they aren’t going to always and completely get their way.

But argumentative people just can’t seem to accept that.

Even if there is a middle ground where you can both benefit, you still take the option of clashing about it instead.

6. You’re not mindful of your emotions.

Two men are in a heated argument indoors. The man on the right is yelling with his mouth wide open, glaring angrily, and raising his hands. The man on the left, seen from behind, appears to be responding intensely. Both men have short, brown hair.

Mindfulness is about being aware of what you’re feeling and doing in the moment instead of operating on autopilot. But you aren’t mindful about what you’re feeling in the moment, so you find it impossible to interrupt that emotional process instead of just being dragged along by it. You just feel what you feel and get pulled along by those emotions.

When you can’t slow down and feel your own anger building, you don’t take steps to mitigate it, like stepping away from the conversation, thinking about something more calming, or changing the subject to something less inflammatory.

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool to preserve your inner peace and harmony if you’re willing to put in the effort.

7. You are generally stressed.

A woman stands with her hand on her forehead, appearing stressed or upset, while a man sitting on a couch behind her is gesturing and talking as if arguing or explaining something. They are in a modern kitchen and living area.

Stress really taxes the brain and body. It causes additional hormone production that can dramatically affect a person’s well-being and mental stability. If you’re a stressed-out person you will typically become more irritable, prone to anger, and lashing out.

If you’re argumentative, you would do well to look around at the rest of your life and see if you are currently mired in stress. You may be able to find some relief from your anger and irritability by improving other conditions in your life.

8. You confuse assertiveness with confrontation.

A blonde woman in a navy blazer is sitting at a table with two men. She appears to be mid-conversation, gesturing with her hands, showing an intent expression. The men are listening attentively. The background is a bright room with some potted plants.

There is a difference between confrontation and assertiveness. The difference is the emotions behind those two actions. Confrontation involves anger and conflict. Assertiveness is calm and collected. Confrontation is often stained by anger which may not be rational or reasonable. Assertiveness is rooted in reality and fact-based.

You probably think they are one and the same.

If you are in a position where you need to stand up for yourself, do you consider how you can logically present your complaint to the other person? Do you take some time to think about it and even rehearse what you want to say? Probably not.

9. You make frequent accusations and criticism.

A bearded man in a plaid shirt is yelling into a landline phone. He appears frustrated or angry. The background is an indoor office setting with shelves and binders.

Instead of focusing on how you feel the problem affects you focus on what the other person did or is doing wrong. You go straight in with blame and inflammatory “You” statements rather than more diffusing “I” statements.

For example, you say: “You never help me with housework!”

Instead of: “I feel disrespected and like my time isn’t valued when I have to do all the housework.”

The first one is undoubtedly going to lead to an argument, whereas the second can get you much closer to a meaningful resolution.

10. You have to have an opinion on everything.

Two women sit at an outdoor café, engaged in a conversation. The woman in a red jacket gestures emotionally with her hands, appearing frustrated or upset. Two white cups are on the table in front of them, and the background shows an overcast sky and trees.

You always have the option to simply not have an opinion on a thing. But you never do.

The fact of the matter is that you may not even know enough about the thing to have a knowledgeable opinion. So why bother fighting and arguing over something that you may not have a vested interest in? And if you are going to have an opinion on the thing, it’s a good idea to really read about it and listen to some experts on the thing.

People addicted to anger get all up-in-arms about things that have absolutely no bearing on their lives. It gives them a reason to be angry and engage in conflict. Sound familiar?

11. You don’t take responsibility for your actions.

Two women are standing outdoors, engaged in an intense conversation. Both have a perplexed expression and are gesturing with their hands as they talk. One woman is wearing a brown coat, and the other a red top. Trees and a blurred background are visible.

Sometimes we do the wrong thing or take the wrong action. That’s just part of being human. You can relieve so much conflict in your life by working on your ability to accept responsibility for your shortcomings. There’s no reason to fight or argue about it when you can just go, “Yes, I did that. And I apologize for my actions. How can I make it right with you?”

Argumentative people just can’t seem to do it. Their ego won’t let them.

Embracing honesty in this way is actually incredibly liberating, if you can let your ego go and learn to do it.

12. You never ask other people for their thoughts and opinions.

A woman in professional attire engages in a discussion with a man across a desk in an office setting. The desk has a laptop, a potted plant, and documents, including a colorful chart. The woman is gesturing, suggesting she's explaining or emphasizing a point.

You can easily turn a confrontation into a discussion by taking a soft approach and redirecting the conversation. But argumentative people aren’t actually interested in hearing what other people want to say.

Have you ever asked the other person what their opinion is, what their thoughts are, or if they can think of a solution to the problem that the two of you are currently having? Probably not.

You may not agree with what they come up with, but that approach allows you to push toward a closer middle ground. You can then say, “Well, what about this option instead?”

Just acknowledging the way another person feels can be such a powerful thing. So many people feel like they don’t have much control or power in their lives. If you can find a way to offer it to others, it can really help you find peaceful resolutions to problems and arguments that you may come across.