10 Glaring Signs Your Partner Doesn't See You As Their Equal

Does your partner treat you as an equal?

A man with a beard is sitting on a blue couch playing video games with a controller, while a woman is ironing clothes behind him in a living room. The room is cluttered with laundry, a laundry basket, snacks, and drinks, and is decorated with wall art and a bookshelf.

Equality in a relationship is about seeing your partner as having an equal amount of influence and importance as you. At its heart, it lies in the amount of respect you show each other as individuals as well as the other half to your relationship

Inequality in a relationship means that the power and influence you each yield falls out of balance. One of you starts becoming more dominant, overpowering, or dismissive towards the other, causing them to feel disrespected, undervalued, and even resentful.

If you’re not sure where your relationship sits, look out for some of the warning signs of inequality below.

1. You question what value you bring to the relationship.

A woman with dark hair and a yellow sweater sits on a couch, looking thoughtful and concerned with her hands near her face. In the blurred background, a man in a blue sweater sits, focused on his phone, creating a sense of tension between them.

How do you measure whether or not the value you and your partner bring to a relationship is equal?

One of the easiest ways people think they can create a sense of equality in a relationship is by measuring financial value. In other words, do you split all the bills or does one partner hold all the financial power?

But even if you’re splitting the bills 50/50, this isn’t what makes you equal in a relationship. Having equality in a relationship is about how valued you feel, not what you’re worth. It’s about whether you feel as valued by your partner as you show them they are valued by you.

Do you feel heard? Do you feel considered? Are you in your partner’s thoughts?

2. You feel you have to prove your worth.

A man and a woman enjoying glasses of red wine outdoors. They are standing close to each other, smiling and making eye contact. The setting appears to be a sunny day with trees and a building in the background. Both are dressed casually.

Your worth isn’t about what you can physically bring to the relationship or about offering something your partner can’t. If you always feel the need to question your worth or prove yourself to your partner, then you know you’re feeling the negative effects of the inequality in your relationship.

Feeling uneasy around your partner all the time will drive you to second guess yourself and lose your confidence. This isn’t how a relationship should feel for anyone, and it’s why building a relationship based on equality is so crucial.

3. Your needs are never put first.

A man and woman are sitting together on a couch. The man is holding a cup, talking on the phone, and a tray with grapes and a croissant is on his lap. The woman, in the background, is reading a newspaper and wearing glasses. Both are casually dressed in white.

In an equal relationship, you should never feel as though your needs come second to your partner’s.

There may be times when you have to make sacrifices and choose to put the needs of your partner above your own. The difference in doing this and being unequal in your relationship is that you are choosing to put your partner’s needs above your own rather than being expected to.

In a relationship built on equality, you know that when you choose to put your partner first, your actions are appreciated and acknowledged, and that they would do the same for you if the situation were reversed.

4. Your partner doesn’t see you as an individual.

A man and woman sit at a table in a bright kitchen, enjoying coffee and pancakes. The man gestures with his hand while talking, and the woman holds a coffee cup, attentively listening. Both are casually dressed and appear engaged in conversation.

If the expectation is there that you should always defer to what your partner wants rather than what you want, then you aren’t building a culture of equality.

As much as you are a couple building a life together, you are also individuals with your own needs. Your partner is there to support you as much as you support them, and you should always feel that there is an equal respect for the individuals you are.

5. There are double standards in your relationship.

A woman in a casual outfit is vacuuming the floor with a yellow and silver vacuum cleaner in a living room. In the background, a man in a denim jacket and jeans is sitting on a light blue sofa, eating snacks and watching her. The room is modern and bright.

If you feel as though it’s one rule for your partner and another for you, then there is an inequality in your relationship that should be addressed.

There shouldn’t be a situation where the same rule for you doesn’t apply to your partner. It’s not fair to feel as though something you’ve been asked for, be it not staying out so late with friends or doing more around the house, isn’t something they are expected to uphold too.

In a relationship founded on equality, there should never be an expectation of either of you that you don’t have of yourself. There is no place for double standards in a relationship that values fairness and equality, and if double standards do occur then it’s going to cause resentment and arguments later down the line.

6. There’s no compromise in your relationship.

A man in a blue shirt holding a notebook and pen talks to a woman in a pink off-shoulder top who is touching her forehead, looking stressed. They are sitting on a couch in a well-lit modern cafe with a wooden counter and shelves in the background.

There are going to be times in any relationship where what you and your partner want don’t align.

Compromise is part of any healthy relationship. You may want different things, but through compromise you can find a solution that means both of you can reach an amicable agreement.

Sometimes it will just be one partner who has to do the compromising in a given situation, but it’s when it becomes just one partner doing all the compromising that the relationship loses a sense of balance and equality.

7. You are the only one making sacrifices.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a gray cardigan is sitting and attentively listening to a man who is facing her but only partially visible from the back. The scene appears to be indoors, possibly during a conversation.

It should never be the case where just one of you feels as though your needs are never put first and you’re the only one having to make sacrifices for the sake of the other. Your partner needs to show you that they are willing to compromise for the sake of your happiness as much as you are for theirs.

Compromise is about both of you adjusting your expectations to allow each of you to get something out of a situation. If one of you never benefits, that’s not compromise or equality, it’s manipulating your partner to get what you want.

8. You’re living your partner’s life.

A woman with dark hair wearing a yellow top sits on a couch, resting her chin on her hand with a pensive expression. A man in a striped shirt sits in the background with his back turned to her. They appear to be in a modern, well-lit living room.

When we’re in a relationship, a lot of our decisions are dependent on our partner. It could be that you live somewhere you’d never have imagined for the sake of your partner’s job. Or maybe you go on holiday to places you’d never have considered because your partner wants to. Or perhaps you give up time with your own friends or family to spend time with theirs instead.

All these decisions are fine if that’s what you actually want to do. Just because your partner may be more vocal or organized about their choices doesn’t mean that what you want and enjoy shouldn’t also be considered by them.

As a couple, your life naturally intertwines, and you have to make room for all the things each other needs and enjoys. If you feel as though you’re being strung along by your partner’s choices rather than actively voicing your own, then you need to practice more equality in the way you interact and the decisions you make together.

9. You’ve given up who you once were.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing a light-colored sweater sits indoors, appearing thoughtful and concerned. She has one hand near her chest. In the foreground, a man with a blurred face is visible, suggesting an interaction between them.

Everyone changes as they get into a relationship, but if you’ve fundamentally changed who you were in order to meet your partner’s needs, there is some serious inequality going on.

Working as a team, you need to focus on merging your previous lives together, rather than giving up who you were for who you’re with.

Make sure you’re taking the reins in your relationship and having an equal say in how you live your life to avoid being a passenger of someone else’s.