7 Brutally Honest Reasons You Can't Stop Oversharing

Do you overshare?

Three women sit at an outdoor cafe, engaged in conversation, each wearing sunglasses. They have drinks with slices of orange on the table - two have orange juice with straws, and one has a cup of coffee. Shopping bags rest nearby, and the background shows a blurred cityscape.

Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt so comfortable with them that you spilled all your business to them? The good. The bad. The ugly. Just everything?

Rather than giving a short reply when asked how you are doing, you go on a long rant about the issues you’re experiencing with your health and life in general…in the frozen food section of the local supermarket.

Have you ever felt like you revealed too much personal information during a particularly soul-baring conversation with a colleague from work? Now you’re getting a sense that everyone in the office knows your business?

At one time or another, we’ve all had a bout of verbal diarrhea, where words burst out of our mouths against our better judgment. Although quite embarrassing, an incident here or there is usually not a cause for concern.

Does your oversharing cause problems?

A man with light hair wearing a red plaid shirt over a white T-shirt is talking on the phone against a brick wall backdrop. He appears frustrated or exhausted, with one hand covering his closed eyes.

But when you notice people cut you off during conversations or find an excuse to leave discussions shortly after you join, you might wonder if you have a problem with spilling your business (or even the business of others) to people who don’t want to hear it.

Have you been in situations where you gave people, not even particularly close friends, too much information about yourself? Do you struggle with disclosing personal and sensitive information to people who were not ready to hear it or had not yet proven they are trustworthy?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you no doubt also noticed that this behavior has led others to either pull away from you or spread your business to anyone else who cares to listen.

So why do you tell everyone your business?

Two women sit at an outdoor table at a café, engaged in conversation. One woman with shoulder-length red hair gestures with her hand, while the other with long dark hair is holding her sunglasses. Their smartphones are on the table.

There are many possible reasons why you overshare. Here are some of the most common explanations. Keep in mind more than one of them may apply.

1. You come from a family that overshares.

Two women are smiling and talking while sitting outside. One woman, with short blonde hair, is looking up and wearing a light beige coat. The other woman, with long blonde hair and glasses, is looking at her and wearing a light beige puffer jacket. Trees and buildings are in the background.

You grew up in a family that shares everything. Some might even say you share too much information. But that’s how you’ve always been. You know about your parents’ intimate life and they know about yours. Your siblings know everything that’s going on in your relationship and you know about their marital challenges.

So, you take this mindset with you into other relationships, thinking this amount of disclosure is typical. To be clear…it is not.

2. It’s a reaction to feeling isolated.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a white t-shirt and a blue striped shirt, is holding a bottle and talking to another person at a beach or an outdoor setting with a straw-roofed hut in the background. The focus is on her while the other person is out of focus.

Do you have few close friends? Are you often to be found alone? Are there other reasons why you don’t get to see or speak to other people that often?

Your propensity to overshare could be a reaction to your feelings of isolation and loneliness.

3. You’re trying to force intimacy in a relationship quickly.

A man and a woman sit facing each other, resting their heads on their hands in a cozy and modern living room with gray furniture and large windows. They are engaged in an intimate and thoughtful conversation. A lush plant is visible in the background.

The awkwardness of a budding relationship, whether romantic or platonic, can be, well…uncomfortable. So, you try to rush through the initial getting-to-know-you phase and into a place of comfort, compatibility, and intimacy.

To help hurry things along, you do an information dump of your innermost secrets and thoughts on an unsuspecting person.

4. You have trauma you haven’t dealt with.

Two women sit on a bench outside, talking. The woman on the left, dressed in a light pink shirt, appears upset and is touching her face. The woman on the right, wearing a green jacket, looks concerned and is shading her eyes with her hand. A vending machine is visible in the background.

You have unresolved trauma that you haven’t dealt with. While you may think you’ve handled it, the trauma is so close to the surface that it comes pouring out at any opportunity.

It’s like a dam has fallen apart and the floodgates of memories and emotions come pouring through on the person unlucky enough to witness it.

5. You’re always on social media where people tend to overshare.

A woman with long hair tied back, wearing large round sunglasses and a light grey sleeveless top, is looking at her phone with an expression of shock or frustration. She is holding a turquoise phone in one hand and has her other hand raised in exasperation.

If something interesting happens, but you don’t post it on social media…did it really happen?

You curate everything happening in your life for The Gram. Everyone on social media looks like their lives are a blast. What’s wrong with you showing that yours is too?

There is no meal you can enjoy without snapping a picture for your connections or followers, you update your location on social media whenever you go out, and you constantly update your relationship status to keep “everyone” in the loop.

6. You’re looking for attention.

A man in a gray suit and red tie sits on a chair with a laptop on his lap, smiling and talking on the phone. He appears to be in a modern, well-lit room with a neatly made bed in the background.

You crave attention. Who doesn’t like when the focus is on them? Heck, even introverts sometimes want to be the center of attention, although rarely.

As a result, you hog conversations and tell personal stories intended to keep people hanging on your every word or at least shock them long enough to give you the attention fix you desire.

7. You are neurodivergent.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a peach blouse, smiles and gestures with her hand while talking to a man with short brown hair, sitting across from her at a wooden table in a brightly lit restaurant or cafe.

It can be common for people who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD) to overshare. This can be due to impulsivity, special interests, hyperfocus, dislike of small talk, or missing neurotypical social cues, which are common traits of neurodivergence.

You may think this couldn’t possibly apply to you, but undiagnosed autism and ADHD are actually extremely common.

Most people have a very narrow view of what autism and ADHD look like, and it’s often based on the stereotypical presentation seen most commonly in males. There is a more subtle, internalized presentation of both autism and ADHD which is more commonly (but not exclusively) seen in women. For this reason, it’s often missed, or misdiagnosed.

If you overshare and the other reasons don’t seem to fully explain it, it’s worth looking into undiagnosed neurodivergence as a possible answer.