20 Brutally Honest Reasons You Don't Like Being Around People

Are you someone who just enjoys their own company?

A person with long hair sits on a green wooden bench near the water, wearing a red and black sweater, black pants, and red shoes. They have a contemplative expression. A small brown backpack is placed beside them on the bench.

There’s just something calming about being surrounded with your own thoughts, doing whatever your heart desires, and wearing (or not wearing) what you please.

Throw in a glass of wine (or cup of hot chocolate) with a couple books, a Netflix binge, a pet, or video games, and you’re in heaven.

People just interrupt your peace and tranquility. And to be perfectly honest, there’s no one you’d rather spend time with than yourself.

Or have you recently developed a hatred of being around people? Perhaps after the COVID lockdowns, you are finding it more difficult to drum up any enthusiasm to go out with friends.

Could it be you have no desire to be around anyone because you have no desire to do…anything?

Are you avoiding people because you fear making a huge fool of yourself? Is the fear of embarrassing yourself in a social setting enough for you to avoid being around anyone at all?

Whatever your reason may be for not wanting to interact with anyone, it’s likely this has become a major cause for concern because of repeated complaints or comments from well-meaning friends and family members about your reclusive tendencies.

So, now you’re wondering why you don’t like being around people. Is this normal?

Below are 20 different plausible reasons you dislike being around people. By going through this list, you are likely to find one that describes you and your situation perfectly.

1. Mental health challenges.

A person with a shaved head, wearing a beige blazer, rests their head on their hand with their eyes closed. The expression is calm and reflective, set against a plain, light-colored background.

Isolation is a symptom of different mental health illnesses and phobias. The longer these conditions are left untreated, the worse the symptoms become. Therefore, if you suspect you hate being around people because of one of the following illnesses or phobias, it’s crucial you seek help from a mental health professional.

The following are just some of the illnesses and phobias that are associated with isolation. Because this is not a definitive list, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health professional if you are concerned about what you’re experiencing.

– Depression

– Social anxiety disorder

– Avoidant personality disorder

– Social anhedonia

– Cherophobia

– Bipolar disorder

2. Introversion.

Person lying on a yellow sofa with their feet in white sneakers prominently in the foreground. The person appears to be using a smartphone, and the focus is on the shoes.

Some people just prefer their own company. They don’t hate being around other people, they are not shy, and they don’t suffer from low self-esteem. Social situations exhaust them and they would prefer to use their limited energy on solitary activities.

A typical introvert likes nothing more than being alone. They can drum up energy to be around people, but it’s usually not often or for a prolonged period. After going out or socializing in an environment where they are not comfortable, it is common for them to be completely mentally, emotionally, and physically drained.

For introverts, the amount of energy and effort required to participate in “normal” social gatherings is enough to avoid them altogether.

3. Past traumatic experiences.

A woman sits on a cushioned, wicker sofa with her hands covering her face. She appears distressed, wearing a sleeveless top and striped pants. The room has a neutral-toned, textured wall with a patterned pillow on the sofa, creating a subdued atmosphere.

Past traumatic experiences can cause a person to avoid socializing. A person who has experienced trauma in their life may have learned to withdraw from other people in order to protect themself. Their experience may have taught them maladaptive coping skills to protect against further hurt, pain, or violence.

If they avoid everyone, there is little chance anyone can hurt them. By staying away from social situations where someone could possibly hurt them, they are better able to guard against it. So they avoid all people and places that could open them up to a repeat of past trauma or make them vulnerable to a new one.

If you have experienced trauma in your past, this could be the reason you avoid being around people, particularly people you don’t know well or trust.

4. Current traumatic experiences.

A pensive person sits on a grey couch, hugging their knees and gazing off into the distance. They have dark hair and wear a light blue denim shirt and black pants. The background includes a green wall and out-of-focus framed pictures.

When going through a traumatic experience, one of the first things a person may do is retreat from social interactions. Navigating a difficult period of your life is challenging enough without having to manage a full social calendar on top of it. All your energy and focus is on getting through whatever it is you’re going through. There is little to none left over for anything else.

It could be grieving the tragic and unexpected loss of a friend or loved one. Or maybe you’re ensnared in a toxic or violent relationship. You could be struggling to handle a bullying situation at work. Whatever it is requires your full concentration and energy. There is no time for you to socialize with people who don’t know nor understand what you’re going through.

5. Autism.

A woman with long dark hair and a neutral expression stands on a balcony, leaning against the door frame. She looks into the distance, with a building featuring balconies in the background. She is dressed casually in a light-colored top.

Autism is a type of neurodivergence that affects how a person socializes and communicates. Autistic people tend to behave, communicate, interact, and learn in ways that differ from ‘neurotypical’ people.

It’s important to note that no two autistic people are the same, and that there are both external and internal presentations of autism.

When thinking about autism, most people imagine the stereotypical ‘externalized’ profile that autistic boys and men often display. This results in the frequent missed or misdiagnosis of girls and women.

Autistic girls and women often have a more internal presentation of their traits and unconsciously learn to mask these traits from an early age, which can have a hugely negative impact on their mental health.

Some autistic traits are as follows:

– Difficulty with neurotypical social interactions

– Hypersensitivity to lights, sounds, tastes, etc.

– Difficulty with the give and take of neurotypical conversation

– Difficulty with neurotypical nonverbal conversation skills (distance, loudness, tone, etc.)

– Difficulty understanding neurotypical societal norms

– Difficulty making eye contact or knowing how long to make eye contact for

– Dislike of small talk

– Preference for talking passionately about special interests

– Difficult time interacting with neurotypical peers

– Experiencing social isolation and feeling like you don’t fit in

To an untrained observer, someone who is autistic may seem aloof and disinterested in other people. This is because they do not follow neurotypical social rules.

If this resonates with you, it’s worth exploring whether you are autistic. But be sure to access neuroaffirming resources which don’t have outdated, deficit based, gender stereotypical views of what autism is.

6. A loathing of small talk.

A woman with long red hair is sitting at a table, looking at her phone with a thoughtful expression. A burger and drink are on the table in front of her. In the background, two people are smiling and chatting. The setting appears to be a casual restaurant.

Most people find small talk challenging, but some find the entire process excruciating. Little else could be more mind numbingly dull than engaging in conversation about the weather with someone you barely know or have little in common with. How many interesting things can one truly come up with to say about the sunny weather?

Finding a neutral topic to discuss is hard when you don’t know the person you’re speaking to well enough to avoid touchy subjects or jokes. So you to stick to “safe topics” like the weather. You struggle to discuss the weather as best you can, smiling and nodding enthusiastically, hoping the conversation is not as boring as it feels. All the while racking your brain to figure out what to say next and wishing you were anywhere else.

It’s one thing if you’re with a group of people you are relatively comfortable with, such as family members, or old friends. But when it comes to chatting with people you’ve just met, you’d rather avoid any situation that would force you to engage in excruciatingly painful small talk.

7. Low self-esteem.

A woman in blue pajamas sits on a bed with her hands on her head, looking distressed. The room has white walls, a window, and a small bedside table with a bowl and a cup. Natural light illuminates the room.

You don’t want to be around anyone because you don’t want to offend them with your presence. It’s hard for you to think anyone will like you when you don’t even like yourself. After all, the reasons for a person to not like you are so many and prominent, how could they possibly disagree? Any logical person will come to the same conclusion about you that you’ve already come to about yourself.

So you prefer to remove yourself from any situation where people could judge or make fun of you. Your low self-esteem keeps you isolated because your core beliefs have convinced you that you are not worthy of love, affection, or admiration.

8. Trust issues.

Two young women are sitting outdoors on wicker chairs, engaged in a conversation. One is wearing a white blouse and black hat, while the other is in a floral dress with a straw hat. They appear calm and focused on each other, with a leafy background behind them.

It’s hard to trust someone when you’ve been hurt so much in the past. Perhaps as a child, a classmate pretended to be your friend just so the “cool” kids could laugh at you in school. Maybe a friend betrayed your trust and disclosed your personal information to someone else without your permission. Whatever the case may be, you’ve learned that people are not trustworthy.

They say one thing, but mean another. Or they lie about what their intentions are. Often they’re just fake, pretending to be one thing, meanwhile they are another. Instead of wasting your energy trying to figure out what is true, you avoid everyone. That way, they don’t get a chance to break your trust (again) and hurt/disappoint you.

9. Reaching a crossroads in life.

A woman with long, dark hair stands on a forest path, wearing a red, blue, and white plaid shirt. She is looking over her shoulder toward the camera with trees and greenery surrounding her.

Everyone comes to a point in their life where they wonder about the direction their life is taking. When your life is at a crossroads, you question the choices you’ve made, what you’ve done with your life, and what you’ve made of the opportunities you had. Questions like, “Is this all there is to life?” start to run through your mind. Sometimes you even question your belief system.

Some people are able to navigate this period of their lives with little to no outward display. Others need to withdraw to consider the doubts they’re having and the thoughts bothering their minds.

Coming to a crossroads in your life could be the result of a traumatic experience, such as losing a loved one. It could also just be a gradual realization that the life you’ve built for yourself is not reflective of your deep core values. Now you’re faced with a decision to change direction altogether, saying goodbye to what you’ve always known/been, or continue as you always have.

This kind of life-altering transformation requires a retreat from what you’ve known as well as deep introspection. So, you isolate yourself from the support system that stifles you as you consider your way forward.

10. Outgrowing a friendship group.

Sometimes relationships end because the people involved are growing and changing into different people. There is no big blow out or huge misunderstanding that caused you to retreat from socializing with your friends regularly. You just outgrew them or they you.

As time passed, you realized you had less and less in common. Whenever you got together, all you ever seemed to talk about was the past. The new versions of yourselves didn’t really mesh. Your lives were going in different directions or you developed different priorities.

Interacting with them has become so awkward that it feels better just to avoid them altogether. There are no hard feelings behind your decision to isolate from them. You just don’t want to continue forcing a friendship that no longer works.

11. A toxic friendship group.

Two women are indoors having a conversation. One woman with brown hair and wearing a red patterned top looks away, while the other woman with wavy hair and wearing a checkered button-up shirt makes a gesture with her hand, appearing a bit skeptical or bemused.

Your friend group is toxic and you don’t have the energy to ignore the toxicity anymore. Maybe there’s something about your group of friends that brings out the worst behavior in all of you. Or perhaps there’s a person in your friend group whose toxicity is infecting everyone else.

It feels like you’re in high school all over again. Everyone is behaving like they’re starring in the 2004 film Mean Girls, even though they are all adults. You enjoy having a close group of friends, but it often feels more like a clique than a support group.

As we are all aware, toxicity spreads. You don’t notice it, but eventually it seeps into you and changes the way you act and think. Now that you’ve noticed the negative effects of your toxic friend group on your mindset and behavior, you’re trying to extricate yourself from the group. You’re avoiding their calls and being around them.

12. Difficulty making friends.

Three women in light, summery dresses and wearing straw hats stand in a sunlit, grassy outdoor setting near a body of water. One woman looks into the distance while holding her hat, another gazes ahead, and the third glances back over her shoulder.

Making friends is really hard as an adult. It was easier to make friends as a child or teenager when you could bond while playing on the playground, working on a group assignment, or taking part in a team sport. Now the only people you have time for are colleagues at work or family members you live with.

Between work and family responsibilities, you’ve grown distant from your friends. Finding time to reconnect or even make new friends is hard to do considering your tight schedule. But as an adult, making friends requires that extra effort. You need to schedule time to go to places where like-minded people will be. If you don’t make time out to do so, you may forever struggle with making friends and building a support system outside of your colleagues and family members.

13. Uncomfortable being yourself.

Two women sitting in a brightly lit room with blue accents, engaged in a cheerful conversation. The woman facing the camera has red hair, glasses, and is smiling, while the other woman, with blurred features, faces away from the camera.

You have your quirks that not many people understand. Even people who love you don’t necessarily “get” you. While you’re not ashamed of who you are, you are reluctant to show your true self to other people. No one likes being labeled as “weird.”

When you are around people you are not totally relaxed with, you find it difficult to be yourself. You are not comfortable being yourself because you know they won’t “get” you. They’ll make fun of you, pretend to understand your perspective when they don’t, or do something else that is equally awkward.

When you know you don’t fit what people view as “normal,” avoiding situations where you feel other people will judge you for being different is preferable to letting yourself be vulnerable, only to be rejected.

14. Stress-induced social avoidance.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a beige knit sweater, looks out a window with a pensive expression. One of her hands rests on the window frame while the other touches the glass. The atmosphere appears reflective and calm.

A study has shown that stress can decrease a person’s desire to socialize. According to this research, after a stressful day, it’s normal to want to be alone. And it’s quite common for stress-induced social avoidance to last a couple of days.

Being under a lot of stress can cause you to pull back from your social circle.

15. An inability to set boundaries.

Two individuals sit back-to-back on the grass. One person, facing forward, has short blonde hair, wears sunglasses, a headband, and a striped off-the-shoulder top. The other person, with dark hair, faces away, wearing a black top with cut-out shoulders.

It’s difficult for you to set boundaries in your relationships. You’re afraid you will offend the other person with your boundaries and they will reject you. Besides, you’re all adults. They should know how to act, right? Not always. We all have different backgrounds and different perceptions of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Because you are not telling other people what you will allow in terms of behavior, they do what they deem is acceptable to them. This invariably leads to hurt feelings and overstepping boundaries. You end up feeling taken advantage of, disrespected, or taken for granted, and—of course—resentful.

So, to avoid all these negative feelings and experiences, you pull back from exploring new relationships. That way, you won’t have to set any boundaries or get your feelings hurt when someone oversteps the unspoken boundaries between you.

16. Sensory sensitivity.

A woman with blonde hair is standing outdoors, holding a small bouquet of wildflowers. She is wearing a white shirt and has a red clothespin clipped to her nose. The background is lush with green foliage.

Ugh…the noise…the smells…the crowd…it’s all just too much. Going out with friends is like an assault on all your senses. Too many things are happening at the same time. Your brain doesn’t know what to concentrate on.

You don’t mind intimate groups of people, but large crowds at a club, bar, or a concert make you anxious. Even after you leave the venue, you can still hear the pounding of the bass in your head and smell the cigarettes in your hair and clothes. It’s like your heart won’t ever calm down. You just need to lie down in a quiet, dark room to recuperate.

So you avoid such gatherings. If you’re at an age where those kinds of gatherings are all that interest your social group, you end up pulling back from your friends and going out only when they force you to.

17. Social burnout.

A man with a tired and contemplative expression looks toward the upper left. He has red, irritated eyes and wears a black knit beanie and a dark striped shirt. The background is a solid, muted gray.

You spent a number of years club hopping, going to bars, and attending ragers. Now, you are burnt out. Your body can’t take it anymore. To be honest, you can’t even remember how you did all that partying back then.

Nowadays, you like nothing more than coming home after a long day at work to your quiet home, a good movie, and a nice glass of wine (or your preferred drink). Friday nights are reserved for gaming marathons or Netflix sessions and hitting the sack at a reasonable hour.

The lack of hangovers on Saturday mornings has you committed to this new way of life.

18. You don’t like many people.

There aren’t many people that you like. While you don’t hate everyone, you don’t like many people either. You prefer to spend the little free time you have with people that you like. If they’re not available, you are perfectly alright with spending time with yourself.

Pretending to like someone just to socialize is not something you are willing to do. Because you’re so picky about the people you surround yourself with, you don’t go out much.

But you prefer quality to quantity when it comes to friends.

19. Addiction.

A man with a bald head and beard sits at a table, clutching his head in frustration or despair. Around him are several empty, half-empty, and full bottles, suggesting a setting of distress or overconsumption. The background includes household items and plants.

Are you struggling with an addiction? If so, there is a tendency that you will isolate because you want to keep your addiction a secret. If you are relapsing after being clean for a while, you are very likely to retreat from friends and family because you feel ashamed that you’ve fallen off the wagon. They’ve been through so much already with your addictions that you’re too ashamed to reach out to them for help once more.

When you’re in the throes of addiction, isolation is a tool used to cover up the fact that you’ve lost control and need help. You avoid being around people in your social circle because they will be able to tell that something is wrong.

20. Fear of intimacy.

A blonde woman with red nail polish embraces a man with dark hair, gazing into his eyes. They are illuminated by a warm, golden light, likely from a sunset, creating a romantic and intimate atmosphere. The background is blurred and dark.

The thought of being vulnerable with someone is terrifying. Opening yourself up to other people, and allowing yourself to possibly be hurt, is a risk you are not willing to take, even with all the potential benefits. Past experiences have taught you that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Protecting yourself from pain and hurt is a job you take very seriously.

You shut down relationships with other people long before intimacy or vulnerability gets a chance to develop. It’s not so much that you don’t like people, you just cannot allow them to have the opportunity to hurt you. So, you don’t give yourself a chance to get to know the other person or them to know you.

With fierce determination, you keep an emotional distance from others. This often involves avoiding social gatherings where you could meet other people and connect with them. Once you connect with them, they’ll want to hang out some more and then you have to give them the runaround, start avoiding their calls, ignore their texts, and make up excuses not to meet up some more. Why go through all that trouble when you can avoid it all together?

Not everyone enjoys being around other people. Some like being alone because they genuinely prefer their own company and get strength from being alone. Others don’t like interacting with anyone else because of underlying mental health issues, addiction, or personal/social challenges they need help to resolve.

Before you decide whether your desire for isolation is “normal” or not, spend time in introspection to see if you have underlying fears, challenges, or issues that are fueling your drive to pull away from socializing.