12 Things You Must Do To Rebuild Your Life After A Narcissist Destroyed It

Do these things once you’ve escaped a narcissist.

A woman with wet hair tilts her head back and closes her eyes, enjoying the sensation of raindrops on her face. She is outside, with a blurred green and brown background indicating nature. Her hand gently touches her chest, and droplets of water are visible on her face.

Once a narcissist has raked your life across the coals and discarded you, it may seem impossible to rebuild anything from the damaged wasteland they’ve created. Here are 12 things that you can do in order to heal and start anew.

1. Take time to yourself.

A woman with long hair and glasses, dressed in a cozy white sweater and light pants, sits comfortably on a gray sofa with her legs crossed. She smiles and looks out the window, which showcases a lush green view. The room is bright and airy with large windows.

One of the most important things you can do is to take as much time for yourself as you need in order to heal. You’ve been pandering to that narcissist, dealing with their rollercoaster emotions, and wearing yourself thin to keep them happy. So your wellbeing has to be the top priority now.

2. Get professional help.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a denim shirt, sits on a couch looking contemplative. Another woman, with long blonde hair and glasses, sits beside her, holding a clipboard and offering a comforting gesture by placing a hand on her shoulder.

It’s incredibly difficult to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse without help. Therapists, doctors, lawyers, and other professionals can help you to regain traction in your own life, depending on how badly (and broadly) your abuser damaged it. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.

3. Rediscover who you are without someone else’s influence and interference.

A man with short brown hair and a beard sits with his hands clasped in front of his face. He is wearing a black t-shirt and looking slightly to the left. Books and shelves are visible in the blurred background.

You have likely had to tailor your personality to suit another’s wants for so long that you don’t remember who you are anymore. Take time to try out different things to determine what you honestly like and dislike, and re-establish a solid foundation that reflects your authenticity. No more performative contrivances.

4. Build a support network of people you can trust.

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Your abuser undoubtedly isolated you from your support network over time so that they could better control you. As such, it’s important to reestablish connections with people you love and trust, such as friends and family members, therapists, legal counsel, and medical professionals whom you know you can confide in.

5. Learn more about narcissism to be able to recognize it.

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Hindsight is far clearer than foresight, and you may be kicking yourself for not recognizing red flags when they were waving at you. The more you learn about narcissism and how it manifests, the better you’ll be able to spot potential abusers in the future, and therefore protect yourself.

6. Place emphasis upon developing personal assertiveness.

A woman with long brown hair is standing against a pink background, looking concerned. She is wearing a lavender top and extending both hands out in front of her as if to signal 'stop' or 'stay back.'.

Narcissists prey upon vulnerable people because they’re easier to manipulate. They don’t create or defend boundaries easily, and they tend to be meek and obedient rather than defiant and self-assured. Consider working with a therapist to learn how to be more assertive, including how to defend your personal boundaries without guilt.

7. Work on rebuilding what the narcissist has damaged most.

A black-and-white photo shows a man with short hair and a beard. He is wearing a light-colored shirt and is seated, leaning forward slightly, with a thoughtful expression on his face. The background is softly lit, with a window visible behind him.

If they infiltrated your finances, work on rebuilding those. Similarly, if they damaged your relationships with friends or family and you’d like to reconnect with them, make that a priority. Take whatever you feel they have broken most and pour loving care into nurturing it so it can heal and grow anew.

8. Find a pursuit that fills you with joy and purpose.

A woman with light brown hair is sitting at a table outdoors, tending to various potted plants and herbs. She is smiling and surrounded by gardening tools and flowers, creating a serene and colorful gardening scene.

Narcissists tend to put down the things that others love unless they find them suitably interesting. As such, you may have put away pursuits or hobbies you love so you didn’t face constant belittlement about them. Now is the perfect time to rekindle your passion and joy with these interests.

9. Set some new goals.

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What did you always want to do, but the narcissist in your life just put them down? Make those goals a priority so you have things to work towards or look forward to. Go back to school if you’d like to, or plan a trip to a place you’ve always dreamed of visiting.

10. Focus on gratitude.

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Get yourself a beautiful journal and some pens, and at the end of each day, write down a few things you have to be grateful for—even if they’re very small or simple. Focusing on the good things in your life can help you establish a positive new foundation on which to rebuild.

11. Celebrate as much as you can.

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Much like focusing on gratitude, take every opportunity to celebrate your new life. Enjoy your morning juice in fancy crystal glassware. Get a special meal delivered to celebrate getting the laundry folded and put away, or dress in your favorite outfit because it’s Wednesday. Basically, celebrate your freedom whenever possible.

12. Ensure that the one who hurt you can never re-enter your life.

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Create firm boundaries with everyone you know so they don’t assist the narcissist in reconnecting with you. Change your number, move house if possible, and ensure that your abuser has been blocked across all channels. If necessary, take out a restraining order preventing them from contacting you in any way.