21 Disturbing Signs Your Husband Is Actually Obsessed, Not In Love

There’s a fine line between love and obsession.

A woman and a man sit closely on a sunlit bed. The woman, in a gray tank top and shorts, sips from a white mug. The man, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, smiles at her. A bowl of green grapes is placed near them on the bed.

What starts out as a seemingly innocent interest in your life can quickly escalate into abusive behavior if it becomes obsessive.

If you think your partner’s behavior is bordering on unhealthy, you shouldn’t ignore the problem or allow him or anyone else to play it down.

Get familiar with the signs below that suggest your boyfriend or husband is obsessed in a way that is neither flattering nor sustainable.

Ultimately, your safety and well-being could be at stake.

1. He moves too quickly in a relationship.

A man in a blue suit, bow tie, and glasses is sitting at a table in a restaurant, engaging in conversation with a woman with blonde hair, who is turned away from the camera. The table has a metal cup and some food items on it.

Even on your very first date, he acted like he wanted to propose, and after only a week of dating he had big plans for your future.

We say we want a man who is ready to commit, but you know what they say: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. When a man is moving too fast in a relationship, he is probably obsessed with you, and not in a good way.

He is in love with his perception of you, which is not really who you are, and that is why he probably fell for you even before you met.

2. He wants your constant attention.

A woman sits on a couch, appearing upset and looking away, while a man sits behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. She has her arms crossed, and they are in a cozy home setting with a staircase in the background.

Seeing someone all day every day is too much. But your man wants constant attention and gives you all of his. He wants you to be with him 24/7 and, when you’re not, he demands to know the details of your day.

It feels like he spends all of his time with you because he has no one else in his life.

Most importantly, it seems like he wants you to do the same and ditch everyone to constantly be with him. He demands your full attention and always texts or calls when he’s away from you.

3. He constantly texts you.

A man wearing a gray hoodie and black headphones sits in a subway car. He is looking at his smartphone with a relaxed expression. The interior of the subway has patterned seats and fluorescent lights. The window beside him shows a dark outside.

Does this guy blow up your phone with calls and texts whenever you’re apart? When you don’t respond in a timely manner, does he freak out and questions if you’re cheating on him?

He often texts you when you’re out with friends because he wants to know who’s there and what you’ve been doing. His infatuation means he has to know about every move you make.

Guys who text excessively are usually desperate and needy, and while a guy should occasionally text you, blowing up your phone when you can’t respond is a huge red flag.

4. He crosses your boundaries.

A man with a beard wearing a blue shirt embraces a woman with long, dark hair in a beige sweater. They both look pensive and are standing near a sheer curtain with a softly lit window in the background.

Another sign that he’s obsessed with you is that he frequently crosses your boundaries and guilt trips you into doing what he wants. He violates your privacy and doesn’t take “no” for an answer. More on that later.

5. He has no life and doesn’t want you to have one.

A woman and man stand close together in a barren, brown field. The woman, with light brown hair and a striped scarf, gazes forward with a serious expression. The man, wearing a dark coat, stands slightly behind her, looking down. Both appear contemplative.

You’ve probably got a feeling that he has no friends and no life outside of the relationship—and you’d likely be right.

Obsessive people rarely have friends because they make their entire universe revolve around you.

The bigger problem is that he expects you to do the same and focus only on your love life with him. He will try to isolate you from your friends and family and make you prioritize him over them much more often than you’d like.

He’ll be jealous of your other loved ones and he may even forbid you from doing your hobbies and other activities with friends.

6. He doesn’t take “no” for an answer.

A man and a woman sit on a kitchen counter, both holding coffee mugs. The man has a beard and a bun, wearing a denim shirt, and the woman has long hair, wearing a white sweater. They are engaged in conversation with a warmly lit, rustic kitchen in the background.

A man who is obsessed with you will do anything to turn a “no” into a “yes,” and he might guilt you into agreeing with him.

He will keep pushing your boundaries no matter how clearly you state them.

This is a clear and major red flag that means that you should run for the hills. A man who won’t take “no” for an answer will manipulate you into doing whatever he wants.

7. He disrespects your privacy.

A woman sits on a grey sofa with her laptop on her lap, looking at the screen and smiling. A man stands behind the sofa, leaning forward with a curious expression, looking at her screen. They are in a modern living room with a minimalistic decor.

Your man is probably going to snoop through your phone when you’re not looking and disrespect your privacy in other ways.

He will want to know everything about you and will not hesitate to find things out without you knowing.

This is the type of man who would read your diary and go through your drawers if you left him alone in your room. He might convince you to put a tracking app on your phone or he’ll do it without you knowing.

8. He is overly jealous.

A man and a woman sit on a couch, both dressed in casual denim shirts. The woman is looking surprised while holding a smartphone, showing something to the man, who leans in with a curious expression. A bookshelf with decor is in the background.

It’s not just that he’ll be jealous of other attractive men in your life, he will be jealous of the love you show to your close friends and family members regardless of their gender.

He will want you all to himself and is likely to forbid you from spending time with some of your friends.

Because he is possessive and controlling, an obsessive man will try to isolate you from the other people in your life to have you all to himself. His jealousy knows no bounds and he wants to be the only person in your world.

9. He tries to scare other men away from you.

A group of five people casually talking and enjoying drinks on an outdoor terrace. They appear to be relaxed, with some smiling and holding glasses. The background includes a view of the landscape, featuring greenery and a body of water.

If there are attractive men around you at work or during social events, he will scare them away to make sure that they don’t approach you.

He will tell everyone that you are a couple, and he might even spread some fake rumors to keep the men away from you.

He’ll probably forbid you from seeing your male friends and going to lunch with male coworkers. He will try to intimidate the other men and might even threaten them without you knowing.

10. He must always know where you are.

A man with short dark hair sits at a wooden table in a cafe, talking on his smartphone. He is wearing a white shirt with a blue pattern and several bracelets on his wrist. A white coffee cup and saucer are in front of him, and the street is visible through the window.

An obsessed man needs to know where you are, what you’re doing, and who’s with you, every second of every day.

Because he is controlling and jealous, he will text you the entire time you’re apart.

He’ll need constant reassurance and validation. Whenever it takes you a while to reply, he will freak out and assume that you’re cheating on him.

He will keep track of your routine and may even start showing up at places that you frequently visit.

11. He tells you what you can and can’t do.

A man and a woman are close to each other in a dramatic scene. The man is whispering or speaking into the woman's ear while she looks forward with a concerned expression. The woman has red lipstick, winged eyeliner, and is holding her hands near her face.

Steer clear of any man who tries to tell you what you can and can’t do. An obsessed man will tell you where you can go, who you can hang out with, and even what you can wear.

While it’s okay that he gives you suggestions and offers his opinion, he can’t set rules for how you’re going to live your life.

Don’t let him have that much control over you and what you do with your life.

12. He stalks you.

A man and a woman stand facing each other in what looks like a café or shopping mall. The man, dressed in a coat and scarf, holds two coffee cups, while the woman, wearing a winter jacket, smiles and reaches out. The background is festively decorated.

What if you suddenly see him at your favorite coffee shop or at your local grocery store?

If he suddenly starts popping up at places that you frequently visit, he could be creating opportunities to run into you… which is just a nice way of saying that he’s stalking you.

A relationship with an obsessive man can end in a restraining order, especially if he starts stalking you after you end the relationship. But even if he does it while you’re dating, it’s definitely more creepy than cute.

13. He stalks your social media.

A man with a beard is lying in bed, propped up by pillows, and is looking at a smartphone he is holding. Beside him, a woman is sleeping peacefully, also snuggled in the bed with white sheets and pillows. Both are wearing casual clothes.

You suddenly have the biggest fan on social media, and it’s him.

He likes and comments on everything you post and even posts romantic things on your profile. He’s added you to all his social media accounts and set his relationship status to “in a relationship” with you.

He’s generally very public about being with you and wants everyone to know that you’re his.

He also wants to keep up with everything you do, and if you actively use Instagram, Facebook, or other platforms, it gives him the opportunity to do both things at the same time.

14. He wants to know your passwords.

A man and woman in pajamas are sitting on a bed. The woman is holding a white smartphone, looking concernedly at the man's arm. The man appears to be inspecting his own arm. The background features a bookshelf with books and decorative items.

Maybe he demands to know all of your passwords. He wants to be able to constantly keep up with your online activity and read all of your messages. This is scary, especially if you’ve only been dating for a short period of time.

He’ll also be jealous if you post pictures with other men and if other men like your photos or message you. This is probably why he’s demanding to know your social media passwords.

15. He calls all his exes crazy.

A woman with long brown hair in a leather jacket sits at a table, looking concerned with her hands near her mouth. She faces a person with curly hair and glasses, who is turned away from the camera. They are indoors, with a cup of coffee on the table.

Never trust a man who badmouths all his exes. If he says that all of his exes were crazy, odds are he’s the crazy one.

Don’t trust him if he’s always the victim in his relationships according to his side of the story.

If he has nothing nice to say about his exes, yet he still talks about them a lot, he will badmouth you the same way once you break up. And those exes were only crazy for tolerating him for so long.

16. He threatens you.

A man wearing glasses and a white t-shirt is raising his arms and shouting at a woman with long hair and glasses, who is sitting at a table with a plate of croissants. An open laptop and a bowl of fruit are also on the table.

When a guy threatens you, it’s a huge red flag to run for the hills. And rest assured, an obsessed guy will threaten you to make sure that you stay his and under his control.

He will threaten to leave you, but if that doesn’t work, he will threaten to reveal your secrets or do anything else that could hurt you.

If you tell him you are thinking of leaving him, he might threaten to hurt himself in an attempt to stop you.

17. He makes it hard to end things.

A man with gray hair and a beard sits close to a woman with blond hair, both in a cozy indoor setting. The man has a supportive hand on the woman's shoulder while gazing at her with a comforting expression. The woman appears contemplative and slightly vulnerable.

He doesn’t let you break up with him. Maybe he threatens to hurt himself or he suddenly showers you with affection and changes his bad behavior. Then he’ll return to his old ways once he’s sure that you’re not considering ending things anymore.

He will frequently use phrases like, “I couldn’t live without you,” “I’m nothing without you,” or “My life would be over without you.” While these phrases might sound romantic, they are also very toxic.

18. He’s suffocating you.

A couple sits closely on blue metal chairs in a waiting area, possibly an airport. The man has his arm around the woman and they are looking affectionately at each other. A yellow suitcase is placed next to the woman. The setting appears calm and well-lit.

Your man simply doesn’t leave you room to breathe. He is needy, clingy, and constantly around you.

Even though you see each other every day and spend hours together, when he’s not next to you, he’s texting you. He’s constantly thinking about you and needs your full attention 24/7.

Dating an insecure man means you constantly have to reassure him that you love him, that you’re not cheating on him, and that you’re not going to leave him.

Basically, he smothers you and acts like a needy toddler.

19. He’s manipulative.

A woman in a striped dress arranges flowers in a kitchen while a man with long hair and a tattooed arm leans on the counter, watching her. A salad bowl, cutting board, mobile phone, and wine glass are on the counter. They both seem engaged in conversation.

An obsessed partner might use manipulative techniques such as the silent treatment or guilt trips to get you to do what he wants.

He is likely to be manipulative to get you to stay with him when you try to leave. He’ll turn a “no” into a “yes,” as already mentioned, but his manipulation won’t end there.

If he has an unhealthy attachment to you, he might say things just to keep you from ending the relationship. He might say he doesn’t deserve you—and he may even believe it if he puts you on a pedestal and doesn’t see the real you, flaws and all.

20. He makes you owe him.

A couple sits on a couch. The woman, wearing a yellow sweater, holds a bowl of popcorn. The man, wearing a gray t-shirt, is feeding her a piece of popcorn, smiling warmly. A plant and a white brick wall with a painting are in the background.

Sure, he does nice things for you, but he always expects something back. He constantly makes you feel like you owe him something, and it’s like he’s doing nice things for you just so you can repay the favor.

This is a manipulative technique similar to guilt trips, and he will use it to stop you from breaking up with him.

He will want you to entirely depend on him. When he says that he can’t live without you, he wants you to feel that way about him too. So when he does little things for you, he’s doing them to make you feel dependent on him.

He will help you with chores and tasks and come to your rescue whenever you need him… But he’ll always make it clear that he expects you to reciprocate in some way.

21. Your loved ones are worried about you.

A young woman and an older woman are sitting on a couch having a serious conversation. The young woman has brown hair and is wearing a white polka dot shirt and jeans. The older woman has gray hair and is wearing a beige cardigan and glasses. Shelves with plants and decor are in the background.

In the end, if your loved ones know that you’re dating him, they might be worried about you.

Maybe they’ve said that they don’t trust him or that they think he’s a stalker. Perhaps they told you that he approached them to find out more information about you behind your back.

Trust the people who love you when they say that someone is bad for you. Usually, they just have your best interests at heart, and they’re often right about bad boyfriends/husbands.