7 Brutal But Common Reasons Parents Dislike Their Adult Children

It’s not always happy families.

Two women sitting on a green couch, smiling, and holding white mugs. They are engaged in conversation. The room has a white brick wall and green plants. Both women have their hair tied back in bun styles.

People have a lot of hopes and dreams when they have children. They envision the fun things they’ll do together when the kids are little, and they smile at the thought of spending time together as adults, tending to grandchildren in a loving, harmonious family environment.

But what happens if and when someone finds that they dislike their grown child immensely?

And what if you’re the adult child on the receiving end of this disdain?

Quite often, the key to solving this problem lies in trying to understand where it’s coming from in the first place. Here are the most common reasons parents dislike their adult children.

1. You think your child hasn’t fulfilled their potential.

Two elderly men sit on a couch in a living room. One man, in a green shirt, leans forward with his head in his hand, appearing distressed. The other man, in a maroon shirt, gestures with his hands as if offering advice or support. Shelves and a TV are in the background.

Did your adult child show great potential in their youth, but instead of going to medical school, they decided to be a music roadie or eyelash technician?

Perhaps you had high expectations for them and you feel they are wasting the opportunities you worked hard to give them.

2. You think your child is ungrateful.

A senior man sits on a couch with his hand covering his mouth, appearing deep in thought. A younger man sits beside him, facing away and looking troubled. They are in a room with large windows and beige curtains, suggesting a serious or tense moment between them.

Or maybe you are disappointed that in return for the countless hours you spent driving them to hockey or ballet practice, they now don’t call or text you much, forget your birthday, and don’t seem to care about your well-being?

3. You’re comparing their achievements to yours.

A woman with red hair sits on a couch next to a red-haired girl using a tablet, both facing a man in glasses who is speaking to them. They are in a well-lit room with plants and large windows, suggesting a counseling or therapy session.

Or is the disappointment because they haven’t achieved the same milestones you did? You were able to get a great job, buy a house, and start a family by age 30, so why can’t they?

4. You have nothing in common.

A diverse group of people sharing a Thanksgiving meal. A woman stands while serving food, smiling at the guests seated at the table, which is laden with dishes, including a roasted turkey, corn, and various side dishes. Glasses of juice and wine are also on the table.

People whose children grow up to be their absolute opposites often find that there’s little to like about their offspring. Not only do they have nothing in common that they can share, but even the most casual conversation can devolve into a shouting match over differences of opinion.

5. And you can’t find any common ground.

An elderly woman with gray hair and a younger woman with brown hair sit facing each other in a well-lit room. The elderly woman tenderly adjusts the younger woman's hair while they both smile. A beige armchair and modern decor are visible in the background.

How can you find common ground with someone who hates everything that you love? Or whose values are so far from your own that you can’t even bear to be in their company?

For every opinion, value, spiritual affiliation, and political leaning, there is an opposite. It’s rare for these opposites to get along well because there are so many differences between them, and they’re so intertwined with life choices and preferences that it can be almost impossible to find common ground.

In some situations—such as when one’s grown child holds views or participates in practices that the parent finds abhorrent—these two family members will downright despise one another.

If you’re in this situation, you may wonder what you “did wrong” for your kid to have grown up to be so despicable.

6. Your child doesn’t share anything with you anymore.

Two women sit on a couch with their bodies turned away from each other, appearing upset. The woman on the left, with long brown hair, wears a red shirt and looks pensive. The woman on the right, with blonde hair, wears a yellow shirt with her arms crossed.

When kids are little, they tell their parents everything. This changes when they hit puberty, and by the time they’re adults, they might not want to share many details about their life with you.

This isn’t the case for everyone, of course, as many people call or text their parents daily to keep them apprised of everything from work assignments to medical appointments.

If your grown child never tells you anything about themselves, sticks to small talk, or doesn’t even want to communicate with you, you might feel left out, discarded, and even angry.

7. Your child repeatedly hurts you.

A woman in a green tank top and gray pants is sitting on a gray couch, angrily yelling with her hands outstretched. Another woman, in a white blouse and blue jeans, is sitting next to her on the couch, gesturing with her hand, appearing calm.

Hurt can take several different forms and can happen unintentionally or intentionally. For example, you might be hurt that your child chose not to continue family traditions that have been held for generations.

Alternatively, they might have hurt you with vicious words or actions so often that you can’t stand to have any interaction with them.

This can sometimes happen when an adult child has a severe mental illness, such as borderline personality disorder or emotional dysregulation. They’ll lash out in all directions when something sets them off, seemingly unaware of the damage they cause while doing so.

They might not even remember what they said or did during those episodes, but those they’ve traumatized certainly do.

Finally…

Two women, one with long dark hair and the other with short white hair, stand back-to-back with their arms crossed, both looking slightly annoyed or displeased. They are dressed casually in light-colored tops and blue jeans, standing against a plain white background.

As with most things in life, finding out the root cause of the issue is the first step in changing the situation.

Whether you’re the parent or the adult child, once you’ve identified which of these apply to you, you’ll have a better idea of how to go about fixing things, if that’s something you want to do.