10 Revealing Signs You've Been A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse

These things all point to narcissistic abuse.

A woman with red hair sits, looking down intently. A bearded man with short hair stands close, leaning forward with a concerned expression. The background is a bright, well-lit room with a potted plant on the right side.

There are some very specific signs and symptoms that you’ve been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse. Check out the following list to see if any of these 10 traits seem familiar to you.

1. You second-guess all your thoughts and emotions.

A woman with long brown hair is looking up and to the side with a thoughtful expression on her face. She is wearing a light blue top, and the background is a plain, light-colored wall.

You’ve been told so often that your thoughts and feelings are ridiculous or wrong that you have difficulty trusting your emotions or intuition. As a result, even if you have a strong sense that a situation is wrong or dangerous, you’ll assume you’re just being “stupid” and ignore it.

2. You suffer from hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression.

A close-up of a woman with long dark hair and a blue shirt. She looks pensive and concerned, resting her chin on her clasped hands while gazing into the distance, deep in thought. The background is blurred, emphasizing her expression and emotions.

You flinch at loud noises or sudden movements, and you’re constantly watchful about other people’s emotional states in case they change suddenly and feel like attacking you. Furthermore, this constant hypervigilance has caused you severe anxiety, and you’re depressed about the seemingly inescapable hell that your life has become.

3. You have seriously low self-esteem.

A woman with shoulder-length hair wearing a black and white striped shirt is standing against an orange background. She has her right hand raised to her forehead, forming an "L" shape with her fingers, and is making a disappointed or disapproving expression.

You’d find it difficult to list three positive things about yourself since you’re so accustomed to being insulted and put down all the time. You can list your numerous perceived shortcomings and flaws in record time, but if there’s anything you’re actually proud of, you’ll undermine it with negative self-talk.

4. You feel isolated from your loved ones.

A young person with long brown hair leans against a chain-link fence, with the sun casting intricate shadow patterns on their face. They have a relaxed expression and are wearing a white T-shirt. The background is a blurred outdoor setting.

Your abuser may have ensured that you couldn’t spend much time with your friends or family members, because doing this made it easier for them to manipulate and control you. As a result, you might miss your social circles terribly, but you aren’t sure how to reconnect with those you love.

5. You’re extremely sensitive to criticism.

A person with glasses, wearing a black beanie, black leather jacket, and a striped scarf, is sitting in an outdoor setting with a light-colored wooden floor and blurred background. The person appears to be looking off to the side with a neutral expression.

Instead of critical comments sliding off you like water from a duck’s back, they injure you deeply and haunt you for a very long time. One nasty comment is enough to ruin your week, and a critical remark about something you love might cause you to discard that thing from your life permanently.

6. You sacrifice your own needs for the sake of others’ happiness.

A woman in blue pajamas sits on a bed with her hands on her head, looking distressed. The room has white walls, a window, and a small bedside table with a bowl and a cup. Natural light illuminates the room.

You’ve been programmed to believe that your needs and wants are selfish, and that you should set them aside to make others’ happiness your priority. As such, you place yourself last in all regards. You’re always there when others need something, but your joy and wellbeing aren’t taken care of by anyone.

7. You’re a “people-pleaser” who has difficulty with confrontation or assertiveness.

A man in a grey checkered shirt is standing by a large window, looking outside while talking on a smartphone. His expression is focused and contemplative, suggesting he is engaged in an important conversation. The background is lightly blurred.

Since you’ve discovered the hard way that there are severe consequences to standing up to an abuser, you’ve likely learned how to seek out the “right” things to say to each person in order to avoid a confrontation, and you won’t assert yourself even if you know you’re in the right.

8. You engage in self-destructive behaviors.

A person with short hair sits on a beige couch, holding a glass of red wine, appearing thoughtful. They wear a gray sweater, brown pants, and wool socks. The room is softly lit, featuring plants, a vintage radio, and a framed photograph on the wall.

Since you’ve been unable to speak freely about things and situations that have caused you discomfort, or have been unjust, you’ve turned your emotions inward. This may have resulted in self-destructive actions such as self-harm, alcohol or drug abuse, an eating disorder, or excessive exercise as catharsis.

9. You don’t have a strong sense of self.

A woman with blonde hair wearing round sunglasses and a black leather jacket stands on a bridge with a blurred background of road and railings. Her hair is slightly windswept, and she gazes into the camera with a neutral expression.

Essentially, you don’t really know who you are outside of the performative behaviors you engage in to keep others from criticizing you. As such, when and if you’re asked about personal interests or preferences, you have difficulty responding authentically. Instead, you’ll try to anticipate the answer that’ll make you the most likable.

10. You feel guilty about disliking the one who has abused you.

A man with short hair stands in partial shadow, touching his head as sunlight filters through blinds, casting striped patterns on his face and shirt. He wears a light-colored polo shirt and gazes slightly downward with a contemplative expression.

Even though hard evidence points to their abuse, you feel guilty about having “uncharitable” feelings toward them. You make up excuses to justify their atrocious behavior (like their complex past traumas), and truly believe that you must have done something wrong to “make them” treat you poorly.