12 Things Divorced Couples Wished They Had Done Differently

Divorced couples often have these regrets.

A man and a woman stand side by side against a gray background, both with hands in their pockets. They are wearing light blue button-up shirts and blue jeans. The man has short brown hair, and the woman has blonde hair pulled back. Both have a neutral expression.

If you ask divorced people what they would have done differently in their marriages, the majority of their responses will fall within certain categories. The 12 things that follow are some of the most common ones they would have changed if they could turn back time.

1. They wish they had gotten to know each other better first.

A couple sits in a boat on a calm lake, surrounded by flowers and greenery. The man is wearing a colorful poncho, and the woman has curly red hair and is smiling while holding his hand. They are engaging in a warm conversation.

Many couples that end up divorcing are those who rushed into marriage without truly getting to know one another first. People are on their best behavior at the beginning of a partnership, and their true colors often don’t show until after they’ve been living together for a couple of years.

2. They wish they had faced a crisis together early on.

A woman with light brown hair rests her head on the shoulder of a man with short brown hair. They are standing close to each other, with the woman looking off into the distance. The background is blurry and appears to be an outdoor setting, possibly near water.

The way a person responds to a crisis situation will tell you a lot about them. For example, traveling with a partner early in a relationship lets you witness how they react if one of you gets ill or loses an important item. How they respond will be eye-opening as to future behaviors.

3. They wish they were more selective about what was (or wasn’t) discussed.

A man and a woman sit on a blue couch having an animated conversation. The man, gesturing with his hands, wears a light blue shirt and jeans, while the woman, listening intently, wears a beige sweater and jeans. A plant and a shelf with books are in the background.

In retrospect, many couples regret not talking about important subjects as much as they regret discussing things that weren’t all that important. People don’t have to talk about every minor irritation that comes to mind, but they should discuss things that seriously upset or concern them, rather than pretending everything’s fine.

4. They wish they had made more time for each other.

A man and woman stand in a rustic kitchen, wearing aprons. The man assists in whisking ingredients in a bowl while the woman cracks an egg into it. The counter is cluttered with baking tools, ingredients, and a tablet. A large vintage clock adorns the brick wall behind them.

It’s only in hindsight that many divorced couples realize just how much they prioritized other things over their spouses. Yes, it’s important to be diligent about work as well as personal pursuits, but everyone regrets not spending enough time with loved ones once they no longer have the ability to do so.

5. They wish they had kept separate finances.

A person in a suit sits at a table with hands poised to separate pieces of a wooden puzzle. The puzzle pieces are marked with icons of money bags adorned with euro symbols, illustrating a financial concept like asset division or money management.

Having a joint account for home- and family-related expenses is a great idea, but it’s just as important to keep separate personal finances as well. Countless arguments can be avoided if people have their own funds to spend at will, and these accounts may come in handy if the relationship breaks down.

6. They wish they had slept separately.

A man is sleeping peacefully on a bed while a woman next to him looks frustrated and covers her ears with a pillow. The woman appears to be disturbed, possibly by noise, as she looks upset. The scene is set in a well-lit bedroom with white bedding.

Although this may seem counterproductive to what many see as a “healthy” relationship, many married couples actually fare far better when they sleep separately. Uninterrupted sleep—devoid of others’ snoring, gas, thrashing, or CPAP machines—results in deeper rest. This in turn promotes mental wellbeing, patience, tolerance, and overall stability.

7. They wish they had ensured both partners had their personal space.

A person with short hair, seen from behind, is holding a video game controller and playing a soccer video game on a large screen. The room is dimly lit with a pink and blue glow, illuminating the player and the screen.

Just like sleeping separately, having spaces of their own to retreat to in order to focus on personal pursuits is incredibly important. People generally don’t do well if they’re in each other’s pockets all the time, as familiarity breeds contempt, as well as frustration with perpetual interruptions and demands.

8. They wish they had paid more attention to the warning signs.

A woman with a concerned expression holds her forehead, sitting in the foreground. In the background, a man is blurred, appearing to be in distress or deep thought. Both are indoors, with soft lighting creating a somber mood.

When people really want things to work out, they selectively tune out what they don’t want to hear or see. As a result, they’ll often ignore glaring warning signs instead of taking action to fix what’s going wrong, assuming everything will work out on its own eventually. (It rarely does)

9. They wish they had made different choices regarding having children.

Two young children, a girl and a boy, hug each other in the foreground of a room with large windows. In the background, a man and a woman, appearing concerned, sit on a couch, slightly out of focus, suggesting a family scene.

Some marriages break down after having children, while others fall apart because children didn’t enter the equation. The key is to be completely honest about ideas regarding the desire for parenthood (or the lack thereof) right at the beginning, and to keep each other updated if those preferences change over time.

10. They wish they had moved away from family.

Three people are engaged in a heated discussion indoors. A man on the left and a woman on the right are facing each other, while an older woman in the middle is trying to mediate, extending her arms toward both of them. The atmosphere is tense.

Interfering in-laws can cause significant problems in any marriage. These issues can include pressure to visit more often than desired or provide them with grandchildren, or meddling in personal affairs. Moving at least a couple of hours away from immediate family can help couples avoid a world of potential problems.

11. They wish they had focused on what truly mattered to each other.

A couple walks hand in hand along a sandy beach, facing the ocean. The woman is wearing a wide-brimmed hat and a striped dress, while the man is dressed in a light blue shirt and dark shorts. Waves gently crash in the background under a clear blue sky.

Divorced couples often look back and realize that they didn’t support their spouses in areas that mattered to them the most. Some didn’t encourage each other’s career goals, while others neglected to show interest in hobbies, or discuss topics important to them, thus showing their spouses that what they cared about was irrelevant.

12. They wish they had ended things swiftly rather than letting a dead relationship drag on.

A woman with shoulder-length dark hair, wearing a black hat, black-framed glasses, and a sleeveless black top, stands in the foreground looking to the side. In the blurred background, a man in black clothing stands against a corrugated metal wall.

In addition to not catching issues before they arose, many divorced couples regret not ending their marriages when they knew they were a lost cause. Instead, they let their misery drag on for years, wasting valuable time that could have been spent on personal development, or a more compatible and loving partnership.