12 Signs You Didn't Receive Enough Affection As A Child

These things reflect a lack of affection as a child.

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There are those who received a great deal of affection and emotional nourishment as children, and those who certainly did not. The 12 signs that follow may indicate that you fall into the second category.

1. You find it difficult to establish strong bonds with people.

A person stands in a doorway of an unfinished brick wall. They are wearing a white shirt, black jacket, and black pants. Their hands are touching the sides of the doorway, and they are looking directly at the camera. The surrounding walls are made of hollow bricks.

If you spent most of your time alone as a child—including self-soothing when you were hurt or upset—then you likely didn’t develop strong bonds with other people. As a result, you may find it difficult to bond with them as an adult, since you have so little experience doing so.

2. You struggle to identify and express your emotions.

A woman with dark hair slicked back is posing against a neutral gray background. She has prominent freckles, dark bold eyebrows, and is wearing glossy black lipstick. Her shoulders are bare, and she has a serious expression.

People who were constantly told as children that their emotions didn’t matter (or simply told to shut up about them) learned to repress their feelings and keep silent about them. If this was your experience, you may have trouble even identifying what you’re feeling, let alone trying to express it.

3. You crave a lot of physical touch.

A couple in a cozy bedroom smiles and embraces. The woman hugs the man from behind as he looks to the side. Both wear white shirts. The room is decorated with plants, shelves, and neutral-colored furniture, creating a relaxed atmosphere.

Some people who didn’t receive enough affection as a child are incredibly clingy and needy as adults. You may require a great deal of physical touch to comfort and reassure you, whether it’s hugs, cuddles, hand-holding, or physical intimacy. When you don’t get enough, you may feel anxious and untethered.

4. You’re averse to physical touch.

A young person sits on a windowsill, staring thoughtfully outside. They have short hair, wear a green t-shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. One arm rests on their knee, while the other hand touches their head. Light pours in from the large window beside them.

Alternatively, sometimes when people don’t get enough physical touch in their formative years, they end up being averse to it. You may get irritated or uncomfortable with physical touch and affection. A handshake or quick romp in bed is fine, but long, lingering hugs will just annoy or smother you.

5. You don’t trust easily (if ever).

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If you grew up in an environment in which your basic emotional needs weren’t met, you learned very early that the only person who wouldn’t let you down is yourself. The result of this is that you may not trust other people easily and always keep them at arm’s reach.

6. You crave validation and approval.

A person with short blonde hair crouches down in a stylish yellow outfit, including an oversized sweater, tights, and socks. They are deep in thought with their head resting on their hand. The background features a mix of green and yellow panels with sunlight casting shadows.

Those who didn’t receive enough positive reinforcement, approval, or acceptance from their parents as children end up as adults who need a significant amount of external validation. You may be an overachiever who needs recognition and admiration from peers and superiors in order to feel that you have personal value.

7. You’re afraid of rejection.

A young woman with short, wavy brown hair and a maroon collared shirt gazes downward with a thoughtful expression. The background is softly blurred, featuring warm colors and indistinct objects, suggesting an indoor setting.

Not receiving enough affection in childhood can lead to a profound fear of rejection. As a result, you may avoid situations in which you feel rejected or unwanted, and you may take it personally if someone turns you down for a date, or if you don’t get a job you interviewed for.

8. You find it difficult to accept love and affection from others.

A close-up of a couple hugging each other. The man, with a beard, is wearing a gray t-shirt, and he has one hand gently placed on the woman's head. The woman, also in a gray shirt, has her head resting on the man's chest with a serene expression.

When and if you find people whom you connect with and care about deeply, you may have difficulty accepting that they truly love you. You may assume that they’re simply trying to take advantage of you, or you might be hypervigilant about any behavioral changes in them that might signal abandonment.

9. Your hobbies and pursuits are solitary.

A person is smiling broadly while knitting with red yarn. They hold knitting needles and a partially finished piece, with the yarn ball placed on a flat surface. They are wearing a pink top, and the background appears to be a cozy indoor space.

If your caregivers didn’t make it a priority to spend time with you as a child, you likely pursued a lot of solitary interests in order to entertain yourself. Now, as an adult, your pursuits may revolve around solo crafting while watching movies, reading, doing art, or other things you can only do alone.

10. You’re as self-sufficient as possible.

A person with long brown hair, red lipstick, and a black beanie stands outdoors in front of bare branches. They are wearing a denim jacket with a fleece collar and have a thoughtful expression. The branches have small buds on them.

Since you had to meet all your needs from an early age, you learned that you had to take care of everything yourself. As such, you likely have a wide skill set and broad capabilities, and you feel that you can only depend on yourself to get anything done properly.

11. You’re quick to self-deprecate before anyone else can hurt you.

A man with short brown hair and a beard, wearing a blue shirt, stands in front of a blue background, appearing anxious and nervous with hands near his mouth, biting his nails. He has an uneasy expression, looking slightly to his right.

If you grew up with more insults than reassurances or compliments, you’re likely more comfortable with those than praise. Furthermore, you know that it hurts less when you insult yourself than if you wait for others to do it, so you may be a self-deprecating clown as a means of self-preservation.

12. You bond more with animals than people.

A woman with brown hair smiling and gently holding a fluffy brown rabbit close to her face. She is wearing a green knitted sweater and appears to be enjoying the affectionate moment with the pet. The background is softly blurred, focusing attention on the pair.

Animal companions don’t just love unconditionally: they also show great affection to their family members. This makes them far more reliable and trustworthy than the humans in your life who may abandon or hurt you if you don’t act the right way. An animal’s love is sincere and lasts forever.