Why Do People Cheat On Their Partners? 12 Reasons For Infidelity

What makes a person cheat?

A woman in a white tank top is holding a smartphone and looking thoughtfully to the side. In the background, a man is lying in bed, facing away and appearing to be asleep. The room has a dark backdrop, adding a contrasting element to the scene.

It always hurts when a partner cheats, and many people are left wondering what drove them to do so. Were they unhappy? Was their partner just “not good enough”? Here are 12 common reasons for infidelity, and why they manifest.

1. There’s little to no physical intimacy in their relationship.

Close-up of the torsos and hands of two people standing side by side. The person on the left wears a light pink dress, while the person on the right wears a blue shirt and ripped jeans. Both have their arms relaxed by their sides.

Physical intimacy wanes in relationships over time, especially after having kids or during periods of hormonal instability. If one partner doesn’t want that intimacy and closeness anymore but the other does, they may feel like they have no choice but to seek out another outlet in order to get their physical needs met.

2. They’re emotionally neglected.

A woman with blonde hair looks upset and rests her head on her crossed arms on the back of a couch. In the blurred background, a man looks in her direction, appearing concerned. The room is softly lit, creating a warm ambiance.

A lot of people treat their partners like items of furniture that are ignored until it’s time to use them. If a person hasn’t received any love or affection from their partner in known memory, they may cultivate a connection with someone who actually shows them that they’re worth caring about.

3. Self-sabotage.

A woman with long blonde hair is sitting against a textured gray wall. She wears a light gray turtleneck sweater and jeans, gazing thoughtfully with one hand resting on her head and the other on her knee. The lighting is soft and subdued.

Some folks have great difficulty allowing themselves to be happy, and thus take actions to sabotage their relationships. A person who’s afraid of losing a partner may cheat on them to trigger a breakup, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and ending things before someone else has a chance to hurt them.

4. They’re bored.

A man and a woman are sitting back-to-back in an outdoor setting. The man is wearing a plaid shirt and looking to the left. The woman, with short blonde hair and a sleeveless top, is looking to the right with a slightly serious expression. Both appear deep in thought.

Most of us have favorite foods that we adore, but that doesn’t mean we want to eat those foods for every single meal, every day, for the rest of our lives. Humans crave variety, and boredom in the bedroom can cause people to seek out novelty and thrills with other partners.

5. They have low self-esteem.

A close-up of a man with a beard and a furrowed brow looking downward. The lighting casts an orange hue on one side of his face, highlighting his contemplative or serious expression. He is wearing a black shirt and the background is blurred.

People whose self-esteem comes from external validation may cheat because they only feel that they have worth if others desire them. If their partner isn’t making them feel loved and wanted, and someone at work flirts with them regularly, then they’re likely to cheat to get that much-needed external validation.

6. Their interests lie elsewhere.

A woman with light hair, wearing a blue hat and a grey checkered blazer over a beige turtleneck, gazes forward with a serious expression. A man wearing glasses and a purple shirt is in the foreground, slightly out of focus, facing away from her.

One common reason why people cheat on their partners is that they’re actually same-sex attracted, but closeted due to societal expectations. As such, they’ll maintain a heterosexual partnership superficially, but have affairs with people of the gender(s) they’re more attracted to—often feeling that this type of cheating “doesn’t count”.

7. They’re retaliating for perceived slights.

A woman with long blonde hair and a blue shirt looks upset in the foreground. In the background, a couple is embracing and smiling at each other. The woman's facial expression suggests feelings of sadness or jealousy.

If a person feels deeply hurt by their partner’s actions maybe they ran up debt by gambling in secret, or said something awful that can’t be taken back—they may sleep with someone else because they want to cause hurt in return in the most effective, damaging way they can.

8. They’re quick on the draw.

A close-up of a man and a woman sitting together against a white brick wall, both looking in different directions. The man, in an orange shirt, appears contemplative, while the woman, in a tan sweater, has a serious expression.

If they’ve been cheated on before and have a feeling that their current partner will be unfaithful, they may take the initiative and cheat first before their spouse can hurt them. This behavior is usually irrational and inspired by past negative experiences, but it does happen quite often.

9. Lack of integrity or willpower.

A couple stands closely, gazing into each other's eyes with affectionate expressions. The man has short hair and is wearing a white shirt, while the woman, with long hair and a straw hat, is touching his shoulder and wearing a lace dress. A sandy landscape is in the background.

Being faithful to a person for a long period of time may take a great amount of willpower, especially when surrounded by temptation. A person who doesn’t have much integrity, or who is easily swayed by others, will be more likely to cave in and cheat with a persistent admirer.

10. They aren’t attracted to their partner anymore.

A man and woman sit on a couch looking deeply upset. The man, in the foreground, rests his chin on his clasped hands, appearing troubled. The woman, in the background, looks at him with a worried expression, arms crossed over her knees. Both wear serious expressions.

People change all the time, and a person who loves their committed partner deeply may simply no longer be attracted to them physically, for a variety of reasons. As a result, they’ll cheat with someone whom they lust after, but they don’t want to end the relationship they have at home.

11. They feel the relationship is over and seek to create an excuse to end it.

A woman with short brown hair in a blue shirt is pinching the bridge of her nose, appearing frustrated. In the background, a man with short dark hair in a white shirt has a distressed expression, with his arms raised as he seems to be arguing.

Sometimes, when a person wants to end a relationship that simply isn’t right for them anymore, they’ll manufacture an excuse for doing so. If their partner is keen on working through issues no matter what, they may cheat as a powerful catalyst to convince said partner that things are over.

12. They’re establishing bonds with a new target.

A woman with long brown hair and bold red lipstick stands close to a man with short dark hair and a light stubble. She wears a beige outfit and holds his shoulder, while he wears a black blazer over a black shirt. Both have serious expressions against a dark background.

When a narcissist is in the devalue/discard phase of their current relationship, they’ve already shifted their interest onto a new victim. This will involve physical intimacy, and they won’t actually consider their actions to be cheating: they’ve already moved on mentally and emotionally. Their physical exit will follow shortly.