If You Recognize These 13 Behaviors, You Have A Savior Complex

Helping isn’t always helpful.

A woman in a plaid shirt and denim shorts is being helped up by another person. She is holding their hand tightly and smiling, with a blue sleeping bag strapped to her back. The background is outdoors, suggesting they might be hiking or camping.

Our desire to help others stems from the heart. It’s an innate yearning that leaves both parties feeling better than before.

When a loved one is hurting, regardless of the cause, it’s natural to want to fix it and ease their burden. However, helping someone can get complicated.

But for some people, helping others is less about the other person’s need and more about their own. They help even when it does them harm.

If you engage in any of these behaviors, your helping could actually be a red flag that you’re experiencing a savior complex.

1. You feel obligated to help rather than wanting to help.

A young woman with a ponytail and a denim jacket has her arm around an older woman with short gray hair and a floral blouse. They are outdoors on a pathway lined with greenery, smiling and looking at each other. The background is softly blurred.

If you’re an obliger (someone who feels obligated to do things), it might be time to take a step back.

A person who feels obligated, rather than someone who feels committed, experiences feelings of resentment, frustration, and a large attachment to the outcome.

Someone who feels a level of commitment to the person or the situation carries an intention of love and joy without the attachment to an outcome.

When you feel obligated to help someone, you’re putting yourself, your needs, and your wants second. Obligation feels like you have to do it rather than intrinsically having a desire to do it.

2. You’re enabling more than helping.

A woman with dark hair wearing a striped shirt sits on a coach, holding her head in her hands in distress. Another woman with light hair in a white blouse sits next to her, offering comfort by placing a hand on her shoulder and looking at her empathetically.

Enabling someone rather than helping them is a sign that you must reconsider your actions.

Many people confuse the two, so we’ll explore them more. When you help someone, you do something for them that you believe they are unable to do for themselves.

Enabling a person is when you do things for them that they can or should be able to do for themselves.

It’s a very slippery slope between helping and enabling, and it’s important to recognize the significance of enabling someone because it can cause more harm than good, despite your true intentions.

3. You’re ignoring your morals and values.

Two men sit on an outdoor bench. The man on the left, wearing an orange beanie and denim jacket, gestures with his hand. The man on the right, wearing a black cap, sunglasses, and a varsity jacket, holds a cylindrical object as they converse. Bare trees are in the background.

There are situations where it becomes necessary to stop helping someone if it means compromising your morals and values. While helping others is commendable, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your personal integrity.

If continuing to help someone requires you to engage in actions or behaviors that contradict your beliefs, it’s time to reassess the nature and extent of your assistance.

It is important to prioritize your values and ensure that your actions align with what you consider right and ethical.

4. The person you’re helping doesn’t want to change.

Two young people sitting on outdoor steps. They both wear hooded jackets, and are seated next to each other facing slightly away from the camera. One has dark hair, while the other has brown, and they appear to be engaged in conversation. A grassy area is in the background.

Sometimes, despite your best intentions and efforts, you must stop trying to help someone who does not want to change.

Investing time and energy into assisting someone who is resistant to growth or unwilling to acknowledge their need for change can be disheartening and exhausting.

While it is natural to want to support and guide others, it is crucial to recognize that personal transformation must ultimately come from within.

If someone consistently rejects help, shows no genuine desire to improve, or actively resists any form of assistance, it may be necessary to redirect your focus toward those who are more receptive.

It is important to respect an individual’s autonomy and allow them to make their own choices, even if it means stepping back and accepting that you cannot force change upon them.

5. They’re consistently creating drama or conflicts.

Three individuals sit on a bench outdoors, engaged in a conversation. The person on the left wears a white shirt and holds sunglasses, the person in the middle gestures while speaking, and the person on the right listens attentively. Trees and a walkway are in the background.

When a person consistently creates drama or conflict, it may indicate that it’s time to stop helping them.

Constantly engaging with someone who thrives on stirring up turmoil can drain your emotional energy and hinder your well-being.

While offering support and a listening ear is important, it becomes counterproductive when the assistance provided only fuels their disruptive behaviors. By disengaging from this drama cycle, you can reclaim your peace of mind and redirect your focus toward more positive and fulfilling relationships.

Recognizing that you can set boundaries and prioritize your emotional health is essential. Sometimes, when you step away from those who perpetually create chaos, it can allow them to reflect on their actions so that they can take responsibility for their behavior. Doing so is more helpful than you, or they, may realize.

6. The person you’re helping doesn’t appreciate you.

Two men in plaid shirts are sitting on logs in a forest clearing. One is holding a bottle while the other, next to a chainsaw, has his arms resting on his knees. A backpack is on the ground near them. Tall trees and green foliage surround the scene.

When your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated, it can bring on feelings of frustration and resentment.

Continuously offering support without receiving gratitude or acknowledgment can greatly affect your emotional well-being. By stepping back, you allow the person to realize the value of the help they have received while encouraging them to develop a sense of gratitude and independence.

It is important to prioritize your self-worth and redirect your energy toward those who genuinely appreciate your efforts.

7. Your help is stunting their growth.

A woman with long hair and glasses is sitting at a table, engaging in a conversation with a man wearing a gray sweater. They are indoors near a window with sunlight streaming in, and there are cups and a laptop on the table.

Ask yourself: does my helping this person hinder their growth?

While it is natural to want to lend a helping hand, there are instances where your constant support may unintentionally prevent individuals from developing their own skills and resilience.

By stepping away, you allow them the opportunity to face challenges, learn from their experiences, and cultivate self-reliance. It is important to recognize that personal growth requires embracing obstacles and taking ownership of one’s journey.

Stepping back does not mean abandoning them. Instead, it empowers them to discover their capabilities. Encouraging autonomy fosters independence and allows personal development to occur naturally.

8. You’ve become co-dependent.

Two young men stand outside against a blue sky with light clouds. One wears sunglasses, a white t-shirt, and a dark coat, while the other wears a denim jacket and a black hoodie. The man in the denim jacket has his arm around the other, and they appear to be talking.

Taking a step back when you have become co-dependent is crucial to establishing healthier boundaries and reclaiming your well-being.

Co-dependency often emerges when your sense of self-worth becomes overly reliant on helping or rescuing others.

In such cases, you may find yourself enabling the other person’s dependence, neglecting your needs, and sacrificing your emotional health. Recognizing this unhealthy dynamic is the first step toward breaking free from co-dependency.

By stepping away and focusing on self-care, you allow both yourself and the other person to develop a healthier sense of autonomy and responsibility.

It is important to seek support, set clear boundaries, and engage in self-reflection to break co-dependency patterns and foster personal growth and independence for all parties involved.

9. The person you’re helping is taking advantage of your kindness.

Two women walking and smiling. The one on the left wears a yellow dress and carries shopping bags. The one on the right wears a striped shirt and red pants, holding a stack of gift boxes. They are outdoors, in front of a modern glass building with reflected trees.

It can be challenging to recognize when your good intentions are being exploited, but allowing someone to take advantage of your kindness continually erodes your well-being and self-esteem.

When you provide help, it should be received with gratitude and reciprocation rather than entitlement. By stepping away, you send a clear message that your boundaries are non-negotiable and deserve to be treated with respect.

It is essential to prioritize your needs by protecting your emotional and mental health.

10. You’re addicted to helping people.

A woman in a pink shirt is offering comfort by gently placing her hand on the shoulder of another woman who is wiping her eyes with a tissue and appears upset. They are indoors, and the background is slightly blurred.

Being addicted to helping people can be a complex and often overlooked issue. While helping others is commendable, it can harm your well-being when it becomes an addiction.

An addiction to helping often stems from a deep need for validation, self-worth, or a desire to control outcomes. It can lead to a pattern of constantly prioritizing others’ needs over your own, neglecting self-care, and losing sight of your boundaries and limitations.

Over time, this addiction can drain you physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Recognizing and addressing this addiction requires self-reflection, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to prioritize your needs and self-care.

11. The person you’re helping disregards your personal boundaries.

A man in a suit sits on a bed in a dimly lit room, illuminated by a combination of blue and pink lights. He is looking down at his smartphone, giving an impression of deep focus or contemplation. A floor lamp glows softly in the background.

When your boundaries are consistently crossed, it can lead to frustration, resentment, and even a loss of your identity.

Recognizing that setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships is important.

You assert your right to be treated with respect and dignity by stepping away. You clearly communicate that your boundaries are non-negotiable and that your well-being matters. Stepping away allows you to regain control over your life so that you can prioritize your emotional and mental health.

It is an empowering decision that enables you to establish healthier dynamics and find relationships that honor and respect your boundaries.

12. The person you’re helping refuses to address any mental health concerns.

A man with a bald head and beard sits at a table, clutching his head in frustration or despair. Around him are several empty, half-empty, and full bottles, suggesting a setting of distress or overconsumption. The background includes household items and plants.

When a person consistently refuses to address their mental health concerns stepping back is often necessary for both parties.

While it is crucial to offer support and encouragement, individuals must take responsibility for their own well-being and seek professional help when needed.

When someone refuses to address their mental health concerns, it can lead to a cycle of unproductive behaviors and deteriorating relationships, which can cause potential harm to themselves or others.

By stepping away, you acknowledge the limits of your assistance and encourage them to take ownership of their mental health journey.

It is crucial to prioritize your mental well-being and establish boundaries that protect you from being emotionally drained or enabling unhealthy patterns.

While stepping away may be difficult, it allows the individual to experience the consequences of their choices and potentially motivates them to seek the help they truly need.

13. You’re drained emotionally, financially, and physically.

A person wearing a green hoodie leans their forehead against a glass window, eyes closed and with a pensive expression. The background shows an air conditioning unit and part of a balcony or exterior structure.

Continuously giving and supporting others without taking care of your needs can lead to burnout and depletion of your well-being.

When you neglect your mental, emotional, and physical health, you become less effective in providing meaningful help to others. It is essential to recognize when you have reached your limits and need to prioritize self-care.

By stepping back and taking the time to recharge and replenish your energy, you can regain balance and be better equipped to offer support in the future.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is an act of self-preservation that allows you to be of greater assistance to others in the long run.