9 Ways Narcissists Use Love Bombing To Lure Their Victims

What is love bombing?

A woman with short hair and wearing an orange shirt smiles while holding a glass of wine and looking at a man with short hair and wearing a green and gray shirt. They are standing in a room with white walls and a bookshelf in the background.

In the early throes of dating, and during those initial weeks of a relationship, there are certain signs to be aware of that might indicate the other person is a narcissist.

The broad term used to describe a variety of behaviors is ‘love bombing’ and by understanding what it is, you will be better equipped to spot a narcissistic predator before they can truly lure you into their trap.

Love bombing is an attempt to accelerate the birth and growth of feelings within the victim by creating an intense atmosphere of affection and adoration. It is designed to disarm an individual’s natural guardedness so that they do not question the direction and speed a relationship is headed in.

Here’s how narcissists do it.

1. Confusion

A person sits at a table near a window, looking at a smartphone. They are wearing a plaid shirt. On the table is a sandwich wrapped in paper and a coffee cup. The setting appears to be a casual dining spot.

Narcissists create confusion with the sheer amount of communication that takes place; ceaseless texting, frequent phone calls, interaction on social media, and a strong wish to meet in person as often as possible.

2. Overwhelm.

A woman with long red hair is standing on a paved path in a park, holding a purple smartphone in both hands. She is wearing a light-colored jacket and looking directly at the camera. Trees and greenery are visible in the background.

It can feel utterly overwhelming to be on the receiving end of such a bombardment, one that is designed to convince the victim of the unique and special bond they have with the narcissist.

Having never experienced anything quite like it before, the victim will start to believe that this is something special, something good, a romance like you see in the movies – a whirlwind of excitement, both exhilarating and terrifying.

3. Flattery.

A person with short, curly hair is smiling warmly at another person who is partially visible from behind. They are sitting indoors in a well-lit, cozy setting with a blurred background, suggesting an intimate conversation. The person is wearing a light-colored top.

Compliments are present in virtually all courtship, but in the case of love bombing, it transcends to a whole other level. Every communication must include multiple compliments to seduce the victim and provide an almost irresistible feel-good factor that they will find hard to surrender.

When the victim constantly hears how beautiful, wonderful, and perfect the other party thinks they are, it gives their ego a real boost and causes physical and chemical changes in their brains. These only serve to cement their attraction to the narcissist.

4. Targeting vulnerability.

A man with gray hair and a beard sits close to a woman with blond hair, both in a cozy indoor setting. The man has a supportive hand on the woman's shoulder while gazing at her with a comforting expression. The woman appears contemplative and slightly vulnerable.

Quite often the victim will be someone who suffers from low self-esteem (an ideal target for a narcissist) and so being complimented in this way may feel unnatural to them – even fake – but they will be too caught up to realize the true purpose of all the kind words.

5. Dependency.

A man with a beard wearing a blue shirt embraces a woman with long, dark hair in a beige sweater. They both look pensive and are standing near a sheer curtain with a softly lit window in the background.

The narcissist will often attempt to create dependency just a few weeks into the process of dating. Despite being in this embryonic stage, they will begin to proclaim how sure they are of the relationship, how much they enjoy spending time with the victim, and even how they are falling in love with them.

They push the victim on their own feelings in an attempt to have them reciprocate declarations of love and affection. They do this to further confuse the victim about how they truly feel.

6. Isolation.

A man with dark hair and glasses kisses the forehead of a blonde woman wearing sunglasses. They are both smiling and dressed in casual coats. The woman has a light-colored coat while the man is in a brown coat. They appear to be outdoors on a sunny day.

They start to devour more and more of the victim’s time and energy – preventing them from seeing other people quite so often. This isolation may be noted by the friends and family of the victim, but it is often waived away as mere passion by the victim themselves.

By controlling access to love and affection, a narcissist can put themselves in a position of great importance. As contact with others diminishes, the only source of warmth and love available to the victim comes from their newly found partner.

The longer this continues, the deeper under the spell they fall; eventually they start to see the narcissist as someone they are unable to live without.

7. Destiny.

A woman with short blonde hair wrapped in a beige sweater is being embraced from behind by a man with medium-length blond hair and a beard. They both appear content and relaxed, standing against a dark background.

Using phrases such as “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” and “I can’t believe we found each other,” they paint a picture that this was meant to be.

A victim, their mind clouded by confusion, is unable to truly assess the value in these statements. They end up taking them at face value and this only heightens their own feelings towards the other person.

Eventually they, too, begin to believe that their meeting was fate. They simply cannot relate their current experience to anything from the past – this must mean it’s love, right? What else could it be?

8. Speed and intensity.

A man with short brown hair and a beard sits at a table in a modern cafe, holding a smartphone and looking thoughtfully out the window. He is wearing a light denim shirt, and there is a coffee cup, saucer, and an open book on the table.

A narcissist uses the tools we’ve described to pack months’ worth of romantic bonding into a period of just weeks. They can effectively accelerate the typical process of a relationship and skip the part where their victim would stand back and ask themselves if this is what they really want.

Instead, because of how keen the narcissist comes across, and how well they believe they have come to know them, the victim foregoes these usual reality checks.

Suddenly, and almost beyond the control of the victim, a narcissist has succeeded in turning the initial few dates into a serious, full-blooded, intensely physical and emotional relationship.

They have blinded their unfortunate partner with lies, false praise, feelings that never existed, and tales of a happy and fruitful future together.

9. Love bombing after a break-up.

A man with a beard and short hair, wearing a white dress shirt, looks thoughtfully out of a window while holding a smartphone. He is leaning on a window ledge in an indoor setting with a plant in the background.

This tactic is not only used by narcissists during the initial part of a relationship; it is also common after a break-up.

While the separation might have involved a great deal of spiteful and vitriolic behavior, when a narcissist is determined to renew a relationship, they will once again turn on the charm and utilize love bombing to win back their ex.

The approach will not change a great deal – bombardments of texts, calls, letters, emails, social media messages, and any other forms of communication they can think of.

They will profess their undying love for their victim and claim everything that has happened should not deny the destiny of the relationship – that it was a mere blip on the path that they are meant to walk together.

The flattery, which will have become more and more infrequent as the relationship progressed, will emerge from its hibernation to once again try and stroke the victim’s ego.

All of this is designed to cloud the situation with doubt and confusion, to make the victim reconsider their decision and take their partner back.

Finally…

A young woman with long blonde hair, wearing a white tank top, stands behind a man in a white t-shirt, resting her head on his back and wrapping her arms around him. Both are standing against a textured gray wall, looking serious.

At its heart, love bombing is a fairly blunt instrument with little in the way of finesse and craft. It uses brute force and persistence to achieve its aim, but this is also its chief flaw; it can be fairly easy to spot once you know what to look out for. Hopefully this article has given you the knowledge you need to identify the signs and distance yourself from a narcissist before they are able to manipulate you into a relationship.

It should, however, be noted that signs of this type do not necessarily indicate the involvement of a narcissist. True love can sometimes be fast and furious, it can be full of declarations of attraction and affection, and it can feel like it was destined to be. The primary difference is that true love is two-sided; it feels right for both individuals and there is a distinct lack of confusion present.