If Your Relationship Is Missing Any Of These 5 Types Of Intimacy, It Won't Succeed

It’s not all about physical intimacy.

A couple embraces on a sunny beach. The woman with short hair smiles with her eyes closed, wearing a striped shirt. The man with a beard kisses her on the cheek, wearing a gray sweatshirt. The background shows sandy beach and blurred cityscape.

A lot of people wrongly assume that intimacy starts and stops in the bedroom. But being physically intimate is only one of the ways to express intimacy in a relationship.

There are other types of intimacy that are crucial to every relationship.

Cultivating intimacy in a relationship is an important part of maintaining that relationship and making sure that it’s healthy. So don’t just settle for physical closeness when you want to build intimacy and bond with your partner.

Without all 5 types of intimacy, your relationship is unlikely to survive.

1. Emotional intimacy.

A man and a woman are sitting together on a couch, smiling and looking content. The man, wearing a checkered shirt, is holding a white mug, while the woman, wearing a light pink shirt, is resting her hand near her neck. Both appear relaxed in a bright, cozy setting.

You have emotional intimacy in your relationship when you feel safe to share your deepest emotions and fears with your partner. You know that you’re going to be cared for no matter what you say.

You can talk to them about what worries you, whether it’s related to your relationship or other aspects of your life. You know that they’ll be there for you and that they’ll listen and try to empathize.

It can be difficult to cultivate emotional intimacy with someone who is afraid of intimacy due to bad past experiences. However, you can work on developing trust and making them feel secure enough to share their feelings with you.

Are you engaging in these acts of emotional intimacy?

Deep conversations.

A woman and a man are sitting on a couch facing each other in a cozy, well-lit room with a brick wall and large windows. They both appear to be smiling and engaged in a relaxed conversation. A lamp and some indoor plants are visible in the background.

Feel closer to each other by engaging in long, meaningful, and deep conversations. Talk about your wants, your hopes for the relationship, and your fears. Emotional intimacy is built when we feel understood.

Small talk is fine sometimes, but don’t let what happened that day, or the upcoming weekend plans, be all that you talk about. Have important conversations that make you feel connected on a deeper level so you can bond over serious topics.

Opening up about your fears and struggles.

A woman with short hair and glasses sits on a beige couch, comforting a distressed man who is holding his head in his hand. They are surrounded by crumpled tissues, indicating emotional distress. A coffee table with mugs and papers is in front of them.

You don’t feel safe talking about certain things with other people, but when you share them with your partner, you’re building a deeper connection with them. Open up about things that you don’t share with others, whether they’re problems at work, family troubles, or personal issues and insecurities.

Trying to understand your partner.

A man and a woman sit on a gray couch in a cozy living room with large windows. The man, wearing a pink shirt and glasses, is engaged in conversation with the woman, who is holding a notebook and wearing a green shirt. They appear relaxed and focused.

Emotional intimacy is all about actively listening to your partner and being curious to learn more about them and their feelings. Ask them questions to better understand them. Show empathy and look at things from their point of view. Even if you can’t relate to them, show that you can understand them.

Being honest and open with each other.

A woman and a man sit closely on a sunlit bed. The woman, in a gray tank top and shorts, sips from a white mug. The man, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, smiles at her. A bowl of green grapes is placed near them on the bed.

You should generally be honest and open with each other to build emotional intimacy. Most importantly, you should feel safe enough to be honest and open. Build trust in a relationship and respect each other enough to keep each other’s secrets.

Talking about your wants, future, and fears.

A couple takes a break while renovating, sitting on the floor by a wall. Both are wearing casual clothes and work gloves. The man is offering the woman a drink, and they both look happy and relaxed. Renovation tools and paint supplies are scattered around them.

What do you want from this relationship? What are you hoping to achieve in the future, and where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? What are you most afraid of right now in your life? Talk about these things to build a deeper connection with your partner.

Talking about the problems in your relationship.

A couple sits on a couch at home, facing each other and smiling. A tablet, a notebook, and headphones are on the coffee table in the foreground. They appear relaxed, engaging in a pleasant conversation.

It’s very important that you both feel safe enough to be vulnerable and that you can talk about your biggest fears and hopes. Most importantly, your partner should make you feel cared for and loved. They should also validate your feelings and show compassion, support, and understanding.

2. Intellectual intimacy.

A man and woman are sitting on a couch, facing each other, and smiling. The man has a beard and is wearing a green shirt, while the woman has long dark hair and is wearing a mustard-colored blouse. They both are holding white mugs, possibly enjoying a conversation over coffee or tea.

Can you communicate your point of view without worrying that you’ll get into a fight with your partner? Do you share ideas and beliefs even if you and your partner disagree on some things? Have you had stimulating conversations where you felt challenged but knew that your opinions were valued?

Intellectual intimacy is formed when your partner stimulates you intellectually without arguing with you or forcing you to agree with them. You can have stimulating conversations without getting into a fight over opposing views. In fact, you like to compare your points of view and learn from each other’s perspective.

Here are some examples of how it might show in your relationship.

Discussing disagreements without getting angry.

A man and a woman are engaged in a serious conversation at a white table in a minimalist room. Both are holding pens and have papers in front of them. The woman is gesturing with her pen, while the man listens attentively. There are white mugs on the table.

Your partner shouldn’t pressure you into agreeing with them or argue with you just because you disagree with them on certain things. This challenging aspect of your conversation should stimulate you to compare and discuss your ideas, maybe even learn from them; not argue over how different they are.

Talking about abstract concepts and ideas.

A woman and a man are engaged in a cheerful conversation in a modern kitchen. The woman, wearing a burgundy sweater and jeans, sits on the counter, while the man, in a blue sweater, smiles back at her. The kitchen features wooden cabinets and green tiling.

Small talk is okay, but you should have meaningful conversations to have a healthy relationship. Don’t only talk about where you’ll go, what you’ll do, or what happened during your day. Talk about abstract concepts and ideas and compare your opinions. Discuss politics or philosophy and even get into a debate.

Talking about the purpose and the meaning of life.

A man and a woman sit on a kitchen counter, both holding coffee mugs. The man has a beard and a bun, wearing a denim shirt, and the woman has long hair, wearing a white sweater. They are engaged in conversation with a warmly lit, rustic kitchen in the background.

Why are we here? Talk about philosophical concepts such as our purpose or the meaning of life.

Do we have a purpose, or do we find one on our own in doing what we love? Does life have meaning, or are we just running around with no point? What do you and your partner think? Remember, you don’t have to agree on this, you just need to share your ideas with each other.

Reading a book and comparing your takeaways.

A couple is lying on a gray knitted rug, smiling and holding a book. The woman, in a pink sweater, has her arm around the man, who is wearing a checkered shirt over a white t-shirt and jeans. They are surrounded by pillows and appear to be relaxed and happy.

Nothing says “intellectual” like sharing a good book and comparing your interpretations. Don’t just talk about what the author meant when they wrote the book. Discuss how the book affected you and what you felt while reading it. What did you learn from the book, and what can you learn from each other?

Considering things from each other’s perspective.

A couple sits on the floor at home. The woman lies with her head on the man's lap while he gently touches her face, both appear relaxed and content. The man sits cross-legged, wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt, and the woman wears a white top and dark pants.

It’s important to listen to your partner’s point of view. Try to consider things from their perspective, and challenge each other with confronting opinions without getting into an argument. Push each other to think outside the box, grow, and consider different sides of the same story.

Sharing your thoughts and opinions with each other.

An elderly couple sits on a couch, cozily wrapped in a pink blanket. The man, wearing glasses and a brown shirt, points at a tablet, while the woman, also wearing glasses and a striped shirt, leans in and looks at the screen intently. Houseplants are visible in the background.

You should generally share your thoughts and opinions with each other to have intellectual intimacy in your relationship. Don’t feel the need to always think the same and agree on everything. It’s okay to see things differently; just remember to share those thoughts with each other.

Playing a board game.

An elderly couple is engaged in a chess game at a wooden table inside a cozy, well-lit room. The man with gray hair and a beard looks at the board thoughtfully, while the woman with long blonde hair makes a move. A potted plant decorates the table.

A fun board game can be intellectually stimulating just like a good conversation. Get competitive, but again, remember that this is not about fighting. Try to win, but be okay with losing the game as well. When you can confront each other without turning it into a fight, you’re connecting on a deeper level.

3. Spiritual intimacy.

Two people are seated closely, holding hands tenderly. One person is wearing a brown top, the other a white shirt. The focus is on their hands, conveying a sense of comfort and intimacy. Their faces are not visible in the image.

Sharing your beliefs and values means cultivating spiritual intimacy, and this doesn’t necessarily need to include religion. If you are both religious, these beliefs and practices apply too.

However, you could also have some values and beliefs regarding health, lifestyle, the meaning of life, or anything else. Discussing spiritual topics can build spiritual intimacy in your relationship. For example:

Talking about your purpose and ethics.

A man and a woman stand close together near a window, looking out towards a sunny beach with calm water. The man wears sunglasses and a striped shirt, while the woman has long blonde hair and is dressed in a pink blouse. They appear relaxed and content.

What do you believe in? How do you know right from wrong? What is good? What is the purpose of existence? More importantly, what gives you a sense of purpose? Talking about these things is good for your relationship.

Enjoying nature.

Two people are outdoors in a forest, smiling while looking at a container. They are dressed in hiking gear with backpacks, and one is holding a container with fresh moss or plants. Trees and greenery surround them, suggesting they are enjoying a nature activity.

Taking a walk and watching the sunset or the sunrise together is a great example of developing spiritual intimacy, even if you’re not a religious couple. Enjoy nature and its wonders.

Observing the wonders of the world.

Two hikers, a man and a woman, jump joyfully at the edge of a cliff overlooking the Grand Canyon. They wear backpacks and hiking gear. The deep, colorful canyons and Colorado River form a stunning background under a clear sky.

Explore the Grand Canyon, visit the pyramids, and kiss on top of the Eiffel Tower. Observing the wonders of the world, or admiring some of the world’s greatest manmade monuments, is a fantastic way to connect on a deeper level.

Praying together (if you’re religious).

A man and a woman are holding hands and bowing their heads in a gesture of prayer or contemplation. They are indoors, illuminated by a soft light. The image is taken from a low angle, emphasizing their connected hands and expressions of solemnity.

Religious practices, such as praying together, help you build spiritual intimacy. You could pray before meals or before going to bed. On the other hand, you could meditate or read religious books, depending on your beliefs.

Talking about your beliefs and values (whether you are religious or not).

Two young adults sitting together by a window in a cafe, with a glass of green smoothie on a table nearby. They are both looking at a tablet and smiling. The young woman has curly hair and glasses, while the young man has short hair and is wearing a polo shirt.

You should talk about your beliefs and values whether you are religious or not. Is there a God? What happens after we die? What does it mean to be a good person? What is the meaning of life? Discuss these big life questions together.

Meditating or being mindful together.

A middle-aged couple sits closely together on a beach, smiling and looking into the distance. The woman has dark hair and is wearing a white sleeveless top, while the man, also in white, has graying hair. The background is blurred with greenery and sand.

Meditation is a great way to bond as a couple. Take some time to just relax and breathe next to each other. You could listen to a guided meditation, visualize your ideal future, and discuss one another’s version of the perfect future afterward.

4. Experiential intimacy.

A man and a woman sit together on grassy terrain, leaning against a hill. The man wears a yellow and brown checkered jacket, and the woman wears a purple jacket. They both have hiking backpacks and look content, with the woman resting her arm around the man's shoulder.

An important part of being a couple is sharing experiences, and this is how you cultivate experiential intimacy. These little adventures that you go on bring you closer together and create private moments and inside jokes.

When you engage in the same activity, you work as a team to achieve a shared goal, and this is obviously good for your relationship. It’s great when couples share some hobbies and engage in fun activities together. Here are some ways you might be doing this.

Planning new activities together.

An elderly couple sits on a bench under a tree, looking up and smiling. Both are casually dressed; the woman wears a dark jacket and jeans, while the man has on a blue denim shirt and khaki pants. Behind them, there's a colorful wooden building and greenery.

What could you do as a couple that could inspire teamwork and help you connect on a deeper level? Maybe you could run a marathon, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or attend a local food festival and try new cuisines together.

Going on dates.

A man and a woman sit at a table in a modern, well-lit café, smiling and having a conversation. The man holds a cup of coffee, and the woman has a glass of orange juice with a straw. The background features large windows with daylight streaming in.

Don’t forget to keep going on dates, even if you’ve been together for a long time. Share romantic moments at your favorite restaurant, try new things together, and simply have fun.

Go on a treasure hunt, try kayaking, or pick apples in an orchard. You could also light some candles and try different kinds of wines while blindfolded… A date can be anything you want it to be, the important part is that you share a fun new experience.

Joining a team.

Five people wearing yellow helmets and life jackets paddle vigorously in a white water raft, navigating through a rapid in a river. The water splashes around them as they work together to steer the inflatable raft.

Maybe you both like tennis, kickboxing, or even chess. Join a team and compete together and against each other. Having physical activity in your schedule is good for your health and your relationship.

Cooking a meal together.

A woman in a green apron and a man in a light blue shirt stand in a kitchen, smiling at each other. The woman is holding two oranges, and the man is holding a bunch of lemongrass. The kitchen has wooden shelves, green plants, and various kitchen utensils.

Bond over preparing a meal together and sharing a fun new experience. While you make the main dish, your partner could prepare a salad and dessert. Experiment with new recipes and try different cuisines.

Seeing the world together.

A man and woman are holding hands while walking on a bridge during sunset. The man, wearing a red T-shirt and beige shorts, has long dreadlocks. The woman, dressed in a white tank top, plaid shirt tied at the waist, and denim shorts, is smiling at him. A car is visible in the background.

Traveling together is great for your relationship, and it helps to see how well you really get along. You can take a road trip or go on a romantic weekend getaway. You could even drive to the nearest town that neither of you has ever visited. This is one of the best ways to build intimacy.

Starting a hobby together.

A man and a woman are standing in a bowling alley, each holding a bowling ball. The man is holding a black ball, and the woman is holding a red one. They appear to be conversing. Bowling pins and balls are visible in the foreground, and a beer bottle is on the table.

There’s an endless list of hobbies to do as a couple that you can try. Having the same hobby leads to bonding over a shared interest and connecting on a deeper level.

Set aside some time each week for a hobby that you’ll practice together. Choose something that you’re both passionate about, and don’t hesitate to try new things to see if you’ll like them.

5. Physical intimacy.

A smiling woman hugs a laughing man from behind as they enjoy a sunny day outdoors. They are both wearing coats, with autumn foliage and a building blurred in the background, creating a warm and cheerful atmosphere.

Physical intimacy certainly involves body closeness, but it’s not just that. Hugging, cuddling, and other forms of touches are also examples of physical intimacy.

It’s important to make a person feel safe and comfortable with these touches while respecting their boundaries.

It might be difficult to get close to someone with intimacy issues, but it’s important to cultivate this form of intimacy. Help your partner learn to express and enjoy physical intimacy outside of the bedroom with the following.

Cuddling.

A woman with curly hair and a warm smile hugs another person tightly. The pair embrace in a cozy indoor setting with blurred greenery in the background, suggesting a heartfelt moment of connection and affection.

Couples can connect and be affectionate with each other by cuddling and through other types of gentle touching. Cuddling is more than a form of foreplay, and it doesn’t have to lead to anything more for it to bring you closer together.

Kissing.

A couple, a blonde woman in a striped blouse and a man with short hair wearing a denim shirt, leaning in for a kiss while sitting at a table in a café. On the table, there are cups of coffee, glasses of water, and a small flower arrangement.

Obviously you should kiss each other to develop physical intimacy. You can do this whenever you meet and while cuddling. Share romantic moments with each other and don’t let your kisses turn into a routine. Enjoy each and every one of them to the fullest.

Hugging.

A couple with tattoos cuddles on a couch covered by a gray blanket. The woman with short pink hair is resting her head on the man's chest, who has a beard and short hair. They appear relaxed, surrounded by a cozy living room setting with soft lighting.

Sometimes you should simply hug to make each other feel safe and sound. You don’t have to touch your partner in an intimate way to build physical intimacy, and a simple hug can make your partner feel safe and connected to you.

Sitting close together.

Two people sitting closely on the floor with their legs extended. Both are wearing light-colored socks and casual clothing. The focus is on their sock-covered feet. A gray carpet and part of a bed with a quilted blanket are visible in the background.

You should also sit close together whenever appropriate. Sometimes this is enough to make your partner feel safe and cared for even if they’re not an affectionate person. Maybe they’re not that into kissing and hugging, but simply being close can help them relax enough to enjoy these other things as well.

Holding hands.

A couple walks hand in hand in front of a historic building. The man, with long hair and tattoos, is wearing a red shirt and blue jeans. The woman, with short blonde hair, is dressed in a blue striped dress and holding a vibrant bouquet of flowers, smiling at each other.

Hold hands while you take a walk in the park or when you go on a shopping trip. You can also hold hands to offer emotional support when your partner is going through something difficult or while you’re on a romantic dinner date.

Other touches.

A woman with long blonde hair and a striped shirt smiles while gently touching the face of a man with brown hair and a green shirt. They are sitting close together on a sofa, sharing an affectionate moment.

Any type of skin-to-skin contact cultivates physical intimacy with your partner. However, you don’t even have to have skin-to-skin contact to do this. Something as simple as playing with your partner’s hair counts too.

Finally…

A man with curly hair and a reddish shirt and a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair and a mustard yellow shirt smile warmly at each other while sitting on a couch. They appear happy and engaged in a light-hearted conversation.

All in all, there are a lot of ways to build intimacy in a relationship other than just between the sheets. Emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and experiential intimacy are just as important as physical intimacy. The same goes for different ways of expressing physical intimacy, such as hugging, cuddling, and kissing.

If you cultivate intimacy in the ways outlined above, you are bound to improve your relationship and feel more connected to your partner. So try to cultivate all forms of intimacy in your relationship so you can connect in more ways than one.