12 Signs You're Forcing A Relationship That's Got No Future

If you see these signs, you’re forcing an unworkable relationship.

Two individuals stand close to each other against a dark background. The person on the left has long blonde hair and is whispering into the ear of the person on the right, who has short hair styled upwards and is looking ahead with a serious expression.

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re pouring time and energy into a relationship that simply isn’t going anywhere? Here are 12 signs that you may be forcing a partnership that has absolutely no future.

1. You’re incompatible on numerous levels.

A woman and a man are standing back to back outdoors with greenery in the background. The woman, with long brown hair, appears thoughtful with her hand near her chin. The man, with short brown hair, is looking to the side with his arms crossed. Both look contemplative.

One of you might be an adventurous foodie or travel enthusiast while the other prefers bland, comfortable sameness. Maybe one of you is an avid reader who loves peace and quiet, and the other is a gamer who listens to thrash metal. There’s little compatibility here, with little desire for compromise.

2. You have different (possibly irreconcilable) life goals.

A woman with shoulder-length dark hair, wearing a black hat, black-framed glasses, and a sleeveless black top, stands in the foreground looking to the side. In the blurred background, a man in black clothing stands against a corrugated metal wall.

One of you may dream of dedicating your life to a child-free career and living abroad, while the other wants to move in with their extended family to raise eight kids. Or, you may want to own a home, while your partner is happy with a part-time job and tiny apartment.

3. You’re depressed or anxious all the time.

A woman and man stand close together in a barren, brown field. The woman, with light brown hair and a striped scarf, gazes forward with a serious expression. The man, wearing a dark coat, stands slightly behind her, looking down. Both appear contemplative.

You may try to force feelings of positivity or joy—especially when it comes to spending time together or expressing loving emotions—but they really aren’t sincere. Instead, you feel like you’re constantly being performative in trying to convince your partner that you’re a person who’s worthy of love and attention.

4. You know that things aren’t working, even if you’re trying to believe otherwise.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a beige top sits on a sofa with a pensive expression, resting her head on her hand. Behind her, a man with short hair and a beard, wearing a white t-shirt, sits turned away, seemingly deep in thought.

You know on a fundamental level that things aren’t working out, but you’ve put time and effort into this and don’t want it to be a failed investment. Similarly, you may ignore the friends who are telling you that this is unhealthy, and double down on your failing, rebuffed efforts.

5. Your partner won’t discuss the future with you.

A man and a woman sit on a couch in a living room, both looking towards the camera with serious expressions. The man wears a blue t-shirt and the woman wears a teal t-shirt. The room has white walls with shelves, a lamp, and a framed picture in the background.

Any time you try to talk about future plans, your partner deflects or changes the subject. They may talk about things they want to experience or achieve, but they only use “I” phrases, never “we”—thus letting you know that they don’t see you as part of their future plans.

6. You’re the only one putting in any effort to see one another.

A man with a beard and a checked shirt, and a woman with long hair and a white tank top, are standing by a window in a bright room, holding white mugs and having a conversation.

If you don’t make plans to get together, it won’t happen. Your partner doesn’t ask you if you want to go out to dinner or spend the weekend as a couple. If a holiday is coming up, they won’t suggest any plans for celebrating it together, and will spend it alone or with family.

7. There isn’t much intimacy in the relationship, if any.

A man and a woman sit on a couch with their arms crossed, facing forward. Both are wearing light blue shirts and jeans. The background appears to be a softly lit living room, but their facial expressions are not visible as the image is cropped at their shoulders.

Your partner doesn’t initiate physical intimacy and seems to get irritated or annoyed if you try to do so. If there is any intimacy, it feels awkward and obligatory, and your partner may keep you at a distance for a while afterwards. There are no casual hugs, no forehead kisses. Nothing.

8. You feel the need for constant reassurance.

A woman and a man are sitting outdoors on a bench, engaged in a conversation. The woman is leaning forward with her arms resting on her knees, wearing a white sleeveless top and sunglasses on her head. The man in a white t-shirt is touching his forehead. Trees are in the background.

Since you aren’t getting any kind of physical intimacy, nor any words or actions that show you that you’re actually in a relationship with a person who cares about you, you’re likely to be quite anxious and need a lot of reassurance. This is seen as “needy” by your partner.

9. Your conversations are one-sided.

A woman gestures with frustration while sitting on a couch next to a man who is covering his face with his hands. The man appears to be distressed, and they are in a room with a large window in the background.

When you text your partner to ask how their day went, they’ll give one-word answers and won’t ask how you’re doing in turn. In person, if you strike up a conversation about a subject, they’ll grunt in response or leave the room so they don’t have to talk to you.

10. Your partner doesn’t make any kind of effort over you.

A man and woman walk outdoors with foliage in the background. The man, in a white shirt, has dark hair pulled back and a beard. The woman, in a white lace top, has long dark hair. The focus is on the woman’s profile, with the man slightly blurred in the background.

If your birthday is coming up, the only way you’ll end up celebrating it is if you make dinner reservations yourself—and it had better be at a place where they like to eat. Never mind receiving a gift, either. They can’t even remember the date, let alone a present.

11. Your partner is subtly abusive towards you.

A man is angrily shouting at a woman in a living room with large windows. The woman, looking frustrated and upset, is standing with her arms crossed and her hand touching her temple. Both are wearing denim shirts. The room has shelves and a couch.

While your partner may not scream at you or hit you, they may be abusive in different ways. For instance, they may put you down, invalidate your emotions, imply that your achievements are useless, mock your interests, and demean your heritage or religion, then dismiss your upset as over-reactive sensitivity.

12. Your partner doesn’t acknowledge you publicly.

Close-up of the torsos and hands of two people standing side by side. The person on the left wears a light pink dress, while the person on the right wears a blue shirt and ripped jeans. Both have their arms relaxed by their sides.

Your partner doesn’t post any photos of you on their social media accounts, and won’t let you post pictures of them either. If you run into people they know in public, they’ll chat with those people briefly but won’t introduce you, and certainly won’t involve you in the conversation.